I may have mentioned before that an inventor friend of mine made this concoction type of cream called "Hairy Harry" which, he claims, will aid hair-growth and strengthen one’s curls. Unfortunately, when I tried it out for him the cream was absorbed from on top of my head, travelled right through into my face and made my beard grow at least twelve inches long. It didn’t do much for my curls though.
My friend is analyzing the formulae to find out what’s gone wrong. He says he may have used too much penguin droppings.
The other day, as I was rushing out of the shower, I accidentally picked the jar of cream mistaking it for my usual body-lotion skin-softener. I rubbed some cream on my arms and a few minutes later I had two long beards in my armpits and my arms had long strands of hair running down like curtains or wings.
The more I cut the hair the longer it grew. The almost instantaneous growth was amazing. Just as well I did not rub the cream elsewhere on my body and have unwanted beards in places I would rather not.
I can’t understand why the cream had no effect on the hair on my head but proved so successful elsewhere. What is so different with the hair on my head? Is it made of different material than my beard or other hair? Why is it the cream only affects the hair which is not on my head and even grows new hair where it is not wanted? Even the palms of my hands began to look hairy.
When I put my shirt on the sleeves became all puffed-up with the hair inside them. I looked like a stuffed Teddy bear. I could not bend my arms at the elbows and I walked around with arms outstretched knocking everything in sight. My wife is upset that I accidentally knocked and broke the vase her mother gave her for Christmas. Secretly I thought it was hideous and complemented well the trash can in which it was finally consigned. But my concerns centered on more hairy matters.
My cat became suspicious of the overgrown hairy me and started hissing and arching his back as if to pounce. To calm him down I patted his neck gently.
I must have had a trace of cream on my hand because now although he is ginger he has a long black beard growing from the back of his head. Whenever I come near him he runs away in distrust.
I hid the cream and told my family not to touch it. It is bad enough having my neighbor, old Mrs Grogs next door, with a moustache and beard without having my family looking like her.
All this new growth is costing me a fortunate at the barber’s. Now as well as having to trim the beard on my face he also has to trim the two beards in my armpits.