Wednesday, 18 September 2013

Aunt Gertrude’s Wild Life



It is said that in millions of years from now man will become extinct. This is because there is something wrong with the male chromosome which means that for a while humans will only produce female offspring; and then human beings will no longer be able to reproduce.

Well, I don’t know about you. But if the world had no more men who would take the spiders out of the bath tub?

The reason I mention this is because I am a hero in my own household.

The other day there was a big spider in the toilet and the whole family panicked. I was sent in to capture it and take it out in the garden.

I basked in my new found glory until Auntie Gertrude came home from her walk in the park and was told of my intrepid exploits.

“Is that all cobber?” she said deflating my ego like a burst balloon, “once when I was in the bush I found a snake in the dunny.”

“Really? What did you do?” she was asked as all the family’s attention deserted me and turned to her.

“Only one thing to do mate” she exclaimed, “I stood on its head and killed it. I wasn’t going to give him a front row seat in the audience whilst I sat on the dunny!”

As the family ooohed and aaahed in amazement Auntie went on “On another occasion whilst I was having a shower at home I saw a small lizard looking at me and counting my wrinkles. Fortunately I only have one wrinkle, the one I sit on!”

The family laughed as Auntie Gertrude continued to entertain her audience and dimming the limelight which hitherto shone on me. I mean … tackling a spider is quite a feat you know.

“In Australia we have all sorts of wildlife” she declared, “I once found a baby koala in the kitchen. The door was open and the poor mite came in. He was weak and starving the little fella!”

“What did you do Auntie?” they all asked.

“Oh I phoned the animal rescue people and they took him away,” she went on to the delight of her attentive audience.

“A neighbour of ours has a lizard for a pet” Auntie explained, “the creature is always perched on his shoulder as he walks around the house.”

“Did his parrot die?” I asked sarcastically.

“No, he has a parrot as well,” she replied having missed my comment completely, “and a dog, two cats and a white rabbit.”

“Tell us about them …” they all cried in unison.

At which point I left the room and let her enjoy her moment of fame. At least whilst she is entertaining the family she is not getting at me.

12 comments:

  1. Mmmm. A lesson in humility...

    Blessed are the meek: for they shall possess the land. Matthew 5:5

    Have a wonderful day, Victor!


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    1. Yes indeed Hand-Maid. A lesson in humility. Courage too. Tackling a spider is quite a feat!

      God bless you Hand-Maid.

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  2. This is pretty funny Victor. I always enjoy your wit.

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    1. Thank you Daily Grace. I hope you are keeping well. Thanx for visiting me and commenting.

      God bless.

      Delete
  3. Well now about spiders Victor, I never was one suffering of arachnophobia but after our Corgi's encounter and subsequent adventure to get help (dry dock for us and no way off island!), I am prepared to be much more cautious and a whole lot less like Aunt Gertrude!
    I think you were a perfect gentleman to deal with the spider so swiftly!
    God bless,

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    1. Hi Noelle,

      It must be frightening not being able to gett off the island in an emergency. I hope your Corgi is OK. Some spiders can be quite dangerous. I tried to deal with the one in the toilet rather quickly. It was a right monster. At least 3 mm long!

      God bless.

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  4. Hi Victor! I am not much for spiders myself, so let's hope those chromosomes keep hanging in there.

    Your Auntie sure sounds like she can spin a yarn (using a spider reference, did you catch it?). Got me wondering if she really knew all these people. But hey, at least she can shine for the moment!

    Thank you for visiting my blog today. I hope this comment takes, I don't know much about browsers and cookies, but I'll try to post this. I also hope to follow you too!
    Ceil

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    1. Hi Ceil. How nice it is to see you visitng here and following my Blog. Welcome. We look forward to your many return visits.

      Yes, Auntie Gertrude can tell quite a tale. What a tangled web we weave when we start to deceive!

      She is staying with us for a while. I've written a few stories about her. Click the tab "Giggles and Fun" at the top and follow the "Aunt Gertrude" links.

      God bless you.

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  5. Well, now come to find out I have something in common with Aunt Gertrude, who is my favorite you know ! : )
    We have all kinds of wildlife house happenings where I'm from..gators in the pool, cockroaches in the kitchen, lizards in the bed...raccoons in the trees..snakes in the bushes...
    And guess who does all the 'tackling?' However...I don't do spiders, so tell Aunt Gertrude, I'm humbled and she's the real wild life queen..
    Blessings +

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    1. Wow Caroline. Alligators in the pool and lizards in bed? It must be very frightening where you live. How do you deal with alligators? Is there an emergency number to phone for help? Makes my attempt at tackling the spider rather small. I salute you for your bravery.

      God bless you.

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  6. Victor..full disclosure- we have a veterinarian in the family : ) So whatever I'm not able (or dumb enough) to tackle.. or not as brave as Aunt Gertrude,
    I know who to call. The saying in our neck of the woods is: if there's water..there's the possibility of a gator.
    So...it's really hats off to your aunt..
    Always fun to read your posts
    Blessings +

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    1. My guess is that women are braver than men. You and Aunt Gertrude both. I would not tackle a gator or a snake as you and she did. A mosquito on the other hand is fair game to me.

      God bless.

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