Monday, 20 October 2014

Where's your cat litter tray?

Well, I don't mind telling you that we have a problem in our family. And I need your advice.

I may have mentioned before that we have a cat. In fact I mentioned it several times and I've even written a book about it - so where have you been? It's a humourous book which you can download FREE from the tab at the top left - but don't do so right now.

Anyway, let's get on with our cat problem and hopefully your advice and solutions.

For a while now the cat has refused to use the cat tray. You know the one? Where he does his business and I have been nominated to clean it up as often as it needs it.

Well, perhaps in sympathy with my unwelcome task, the cat has now decided to leave his little presents wherever he wishes. On the doorstep. In the garden. On my car, but thankfully not in the house anymore. The cat tray is as clean as the last time I changed it.

I asked my neighbour for advice. Especially about leaving poo on my car roof. And he assured me it was not him.

He then explained that maybe the cat was doing birds impressions and laughed as he got into his house.

In desperation I started asking everyone for advice ... including you right now.

The milkman said "Don't ask me mate! I know nothin' about cats. On the udder hand, I know about cows!"

That's exactly what he said "... on the udder hand ..." as he drove away in his milk float laughing.

Someone suggested I take the cat to an animal psychiatrist. Now, I know such people existed from the last time I had a cat problem. This same cat had started killing birds, mice, frogs and other creatures in the garden and bringing them in the house.

I took him to the animal psychiatrist who explained that the cat was behaving normally and was sharing his trophies with me - hence bringing them into the house. He didn't solve the problem, and I paid him handsomely for pointing out the obvious.

So this time I was reluctant to take the cat back but I was outnumbered a million to one. Something that often happens in our household where the family's votes count more than mine.

The doctor chap put the cat on a couch and started talking to it. "Hello little treasure," he said, " are you unhappy in your surroundings? Has someone upset you? Tell me about it!"

Obviously the cat did not talk back. That would have surprised the both of us I tell you. But it sat there as the man caressed it an purred gently.

After a few minutes the man asked me "Have you been upsetting this cat?"

"Who? Me? Of course not ..." I replied with more of an air of indignation in my voice. "In fact his habits have become intollerable. He started climbing up the curtains and sleeping on top of the wardrobe."

"I suggest that's where you should place the cat's litter tray," he said, "on top of the wardrobe!"


"He'll realise that on top of the wardrobe is not a place to sleep. You don't sleep in the toilet do you?"

"Of course I don't!" I retorted, "But I don't sleep on top of the wardrobe either!"

"Precisely ..." he said with a smile, "it's because you're afraid you'd fall off. Well, the cat is not afraid to fall off because he is a cat and you are not. But when he sees the cat tray there he'll do his business in there instead!"


"Oh's only for a week or two," he said, "then you can move the tray on the floor, then a few feet further away, then a few feet more, and eventually in its original place where it always was. And all will return to normal. The cat told me so!"

I had to pay him a fortune for this outrageous advice.

Well ... what do you think?

Where is your cat litter tray?

And whilst you're at it ... where do you sleep? On top of the wardrobe or in the toilet?


  1. OH VICTOR! SO thankful, I DO NOT have a cat!!! AND NO I do not want yours!

    1. Cats are difficult to train. But they find it easy to train you.

      You can read all about mine in my FREE book. Click the tab at top left.

      God bless you Lulu.

  2. Hi Victor! I am allergic to cats, so I have no experience with one at all. How annoying though! I would not like to have to deal with all of that. Yuck!

    I sleep in my bed, which sounds very pedestrian compared to a wardrobe or a toilet. I am really not very interesting am I?
    Best of luck with your cat,

    1. I'm sure you're very interesting Ceil. I'm concerned you have pedestrians in your bed though. I hope they take their shoes off.

      I once went to the hypnotist to cure me of my fear of heights. He put me to sleep. When I woke up I was on top of the wardrobe.

      I'm allergic to cats too. I don't like ours; but I am over-ruled.

      God bless you.

  3. Whow! First of all, I must thank you for the laughs that you've given me, "I" mean given all my cells in reality;)... but truth be known from my experience with cats while my wife and I were raising our five daughters, maybe I should also write a book... it's wasn't always that funny and a little bird he, tells me that a lot of this story of yours is probably true...

    I hear YA! Maybe you should also write a book about YAR experiences with cats but then again, I'm sure that some stories of yours might just be too scary for some to read...

    As for my advice, I would have given "IT" to you free of charge and long story short, you must forgive me when I say that your doctor was most likely right when he said in so many words that YAR cat just doesn't like you and God only knows why that is?

    Whether or not I believe that I could convince you if I was to write on and on hijacking your blog... anyway I'll just tell you one story that one of our spiritual cell cats told me... just kidding, it really was my son in-law who married our oldest daughter and believe it or not they are still together... anyway, he told me on a few occasions that our cat whom we called Fowfun and I'm just guessing on the spelling but that's how we pronounced her name... anyway, he wasn't kitten, "I" mean kidding when he told me that our cat literally hated him... stories that our cat would literally stray him and his jacket on more than one occasion... when he told me, it was funny but not so funny for him... thank God that all of my son in laws love me cause believe me when I say that if they didn't love me, I would probably be in extensive care and that's if I survived the beating... don't tell them but I would sooner be killed by the Ebola vir us, "I" mean virus... LOL :)

    Again I thank you for your patience and continued prayers while "I" on occasion make a complete (Annoying Super Sinner) of myself.

    Peace be with you and yours

    1. I did write a book about my cat called "Feline Catastrophes". You can download your copy FREE by clicking the tab above left: "Books by Victor S E Moubarak".

      Praying for you. God bless.

  4. After a few chuckles I had to admit this is truly a problem Victor (particularly for you of course, poor Dear!) and so I consult the ever ready Internet to enlighten us as to a solution:

    Advice to an old Friend: Save your money and let your fingers do the searching next time!

    Best of luck Friend,

    1. Thank you Noelle for your advice link. It was helpful. We also took the cat to a hypnotist and under hypnosis, (the cat, not me), we discovered that the problem lies in a previous episode described here:

      God bless.

  5. (the cat, not me),

    The above reminds me that when I told my wife about you and your cat... she asked me why you would go see a hypnotist when you're cat had a problem..

    What do YA mean woman like cats don't always hear exactly what you want them to

    God Bless

    1. We sent the cat to a hypnotist so that he could find out why it was behaving in this manner. The cat, under hypnosis, told the hypnotist about the vacuum cleaner incident about which I wrote a few days ago.

      God bless.

  6. Funny story, Victor! Try putting the cat litter tray in the bathroom. The cat may copy you if show him that you do your own business in there too ;)

  7. Or you can try this :
    You WILL have to give him a how-to lesson though. Otherwise he'll just think he is a king.

    1. Mary,

      Are you honestly suggesting that I take the litter tray in the bathroom and then do my business in the litter tray????? Surely not. Who will clean that afterwards? The cat?

      I've seen the Cat Throne on Amazon. What if the cat sat on it and fell down the toilet? How can I train him? Do I stand on the toilet seat and hover over the apperture? The cat would laugh at me ... and so would you.

    2. As far as falling down the toilet goes:
      Heh, heh ...well there's your answer to the cat problem right? And there would be no evidence! I've solved TWO problems for you! You owe me bigtime for that one, Victor!

    3. Yes I do owe you big time, Mary. Thanx.

  8. My advice? Don't get the kind that simply fit on your own toilet though - there's something just SO wrong about those kind. Say NO to:

    1. Is this a self-contained toilet or is it a seat you put on top of the human toilet?

      I just tried standing on the toilet seat and hovering over the apperture. I lost my balance and nearly fell in. The cat got frightened and climbed up the curtain tearing it in two places. Now I'm in more trouble than before.

    2. The second is the kind you put on top of a human toilet. Sorry about the curtain (and your wife) - I guess we can call it even
      then ;)

    3. Yes ... a torn curtain, a foot stuck inside the toilet seat as I fell in, water splashed everywhere as my hand flushed the toilet as I fell, wet trousers, wet floor, being told "I'm an idiot!" ... yes, I'd think we're even.

  9. Ooops! Sorry about the foot, Victor! I gave you advice like you asked but I didn't say it was GOOD advice :)

  10. Acquire a dog; it will take your mind off your cat problems.
    I have two that I can ship to you, for free. I'll throw in one month's worth of dog food and a couple chewy toys.

    Cat problem?, what cat problem?

    1. Oh ... we do have a dog, Hand-Maid. He's even learnt to pray for me because of all my cat problems. Here's a photo:

      Dogs are much nicer than cats.

      God bless you and your family, including your dogs.

    2. I loved that post of yours! Re-read and laughed out loud again...thanks for the smile.
      What kind of dog is that? It almost looks like a c-c-c-c-cat?!

    3. AAAAAHHHHH !!!!

      NOOOOOOO It is not a cat. One cat is enough in our household. It is a Staffordshire Bull Terrier we got from a Rescue Center. He must have had a terrible previous life because he is very attached to us and always fearful. We've had him for three years now. His favorite hobby is sleeping in front of the TV ... and praying (for me I hope).

      God bless.



God bless you.

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