Monday, 14 December 2015

It's Christmas time

It's Christmas time once again. My favourite time of the year. And although we always say that this year we will be minimalist and not overspend there's always a reason why we should buy this and that.

This year, bringing forth my Ebenezer Scrooge nature, I wrote to all relatives and friends making a pact of some sort. I suggested we don't buy presents for each other but instead we say a little prayer for each other. It's a much more valuable gift and costs nothing in monetary funds to my ailing wallet. Most agreed. At least, by not responding to my e-mail I took it they agreed.

WRONG.

Some have already broken the truce by sending us early presents to put under the tree. This means they have put us (me) under an obligation to purchase something of equal or greater value; that is if we knew what's in the wrapped parcels. How inconvenient.

I was given a list of items to purchase from town during lunch break from work. I ran from shop to shop buying the items on the list and soon discovered that I was running out of money.

I went to the bank for more cash because I needed some money to put in the Church collection. They have a system in our church whereby they give you 52 envelopes with your number on it. Every Sunday you put some money in the envelope, seal it, and drop it in the collection tray. No one knows what you have given except the church treasurer. He opens the envelopes and records what you have given using the number printed on the outside to identify you. At year end, he tells the Government how much you have donated and the Government gives the church a donation based on a percentage of your donation. So the church gets more from what you've donated.

I suggested to the priest we use credit card transactions during collection time; and he frowned at me without responding. So I needed some cash.

At the bank all the machines giving out cash were out of order. So many people withdrew cash that the machines were empty. I had to queue to get cash from the counter.

At the counter, whilst the young lady was cashing my cheque the phone on her desk rang. It was a personal call. She just learnt that her favourite aunt had died. She was totally distraught and sat there staring into space doing nothing. I was in a hurry to get my cash and get on with my purchases. I did not want to be late back at work.

As tactically as I could, and as gentle too, (as you know I am, dear readers), I suggested to her that her aunt would still be dead in ten minutes. Could she cash my cheque and grieve later?

She burst into tears and ran away. I had to wait until another cashier came to complete the transaction.

When I got to work I discovered that my secretary was upset and crying her heart out because her cat had died that morning.

In order to prove my kind heartedness, and in the spirit of Christmas, I went out again and bought her an identical cat.

When she saw it she was even more upset because she now has two dead cats!


I never win.

18 comments:

  1. Yet once again, you've cracked me up, Victor! Merry Christmas to you, to yours. And keep smiling friend ... it is the best medicine, isn't it?

    Blessings.

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    Replies
    1. I'm so glad I made you laugh, Linda. Thank you for writing in.

      God bless.

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  2. You can't win but at least you tried my friend!

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    Replies
    1. Yes I did try, Michael.

      God bless you and yours. Thank you for visiting me.

      Delete
  3. Actually I don't use envelopes any more at my church. They have what's called ParishPay, which is an automatic charge to the credit card. It works out great for me. But most people still use the envelope system.

    Personally I hate all that Christmas spending. I'm naturally cheap...LOL...and i told my siblings a number of years ago not to exchange presents. We just give to each other's kids and our mother.

    There's a Christmas question on my latest blog post, the one on Matthew Monday and two Christmas takes. I wonder at what point it's OK to tell your child that Santa doesn't exist. I could use some help there.
    http://ashesfromburntroses.blogspot.com/2015/12/matthew-monday-two-quick-christmas.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I believe the church here does direct payments through the bank from your account to theirs. Not sure. We still have the envelopes though.

      I agree with you about exchanging gifts. We have a similar system with my siblings.

      God bless.




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  4. Oh, Victor, you guys need to get into the new century. As a consultant for a couple of churches, I must tell you they accept credit cards--well they accept any form of negotiable tender except they draw the lines at beads (remember what the explorers paid the Indians for America)? NOW with that settled---you government matches the donations to the church--SURELY I read that wrong!
    Thanks for the laugh and please do not send me any dead cats!

    Blessings, Friend!

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    Replies
    1. Yes Lulu. It is called Gift Aid. Provided you give money to a registered charity (the church is an example) the Government will top up your donation by 25%. You give £100. The charity tells the Government and the Government gives the charity £25. Also registered charities don't pay full tax like a business or an individual does.

      How does your church accept credit cards? Is that a direct donation each week/month? Or do you hand your card in church in the collection plate and the transaction is done then? (Unlikely I think).

      God bless you.

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    2. The donations are made on-line with your card. You also can set up a re-occurring contribution using your card on-line. Non-profits pay no income tax here in the US---but do pay payroll taxes.

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    3. Thank you Lulu. I believe our church does accept re-occuring monthly/weekly donations/contributions direct from the donors' bank - but not from credit cards.

      Charities pay payroll taxes (e.g. National Insurance) on the people they employ. But not company/business tax. Charities include private schools (i.e. fee paying schools as opposed to the free State schools).

      God bless.

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  5. Oh, my you are SO funny! This one made me laugh out loud...literally! You are a blessing, my friend. God bless you abundantly in return. :)

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    1. Thank you Cheryl for your kind words. I'm glad I made you laugh. Please tell others to visit here and join in the laughter.

      God bless you and yours.

      Delete
  6. Oh, those who don't read their emails can be so frustrating! And look what they can cause us to do! Thanks for the chuckle today Victor!

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    1. It's so nice to see you visiting me again Lynn. Thank you.

      I am glad you enjoy my humour. More humourous articles are at the tab at the top entitled "Giggles and Fun". You can also download my FREE books from the tab at the top on the left.

      Hope to see you here again soon. God bless.

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  7. Next time get the secretary the book "101 Uses For A Dead Cat." Maybe that'll bring a smile to her face ... (Ain't I a stinker?) *lol* ~:)

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    Replies
    1. You've a great sense of humour, Sparky. Glad to see you smiling.

      God bless.

      Delete
  8. I had to read that last line twice to make sure I got it. And then I laughed and laughed and laughed. Thank you as always!

    God Bless you!

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    Replies
    1. Well I'm very happy I made you laugh, Michael.

      God bless.

      Delete

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