Thursday, 5 January 2017
Floating memories in my mind
Certain occasions seem to trigger such reveries from the many dark corners of our minds. It could be at the time around the New Year when we look back wistfully at the year just ended and wonder what the next twelve months will bring. Or it could be at the time of one's birthday, or other anniversary like a wedding anniversary, or 25 or so years in marriage, that these memories come floating by to the front of your head and keeps you pondering.
Sometimes it is a piece of music that triggers such old memories, or a smell of perfume or something, or visiting a place. Anything and anytime can wake up the spirit of times gone by. Without warning or prior notice.
Imagine for instance you're lying there in your bath, relaxing amongst the soap bubbles and warm water, perhaps reading one of my books, when suddenly a thought strikes you from nowhere ...
I know what we are taught about eternal life and the here-after; but somehow I wondered what if there actually was re-incarnation? Can you imagine? Returning back as a tin of evaporated milk?
It was made from contented cows, you know!
Then, thinking back about death, I asked myself whether cows, and other animals, go to Heaven when they die.
I almost hoped that they don't. Because I do not want to come face-to-face with the Sunday roast telling me off for having eaten it.
Can you imagine meeting that wasp, or yellowjacket, you killed last summer when you're in Heaven? It might well sting you in the backside in revenge; because they don't wear anything under those long robes they give you in Heaven, you know!
Somehow, the thought made me smile and then laugh out loud.
What is laughter? I asked myself, but did not reply.
I thought about it for a while. It is a build up of energy that starts somewhere deep within one's diagram, (just above the belly button), and rushes up your asparagus, and comes out as a loud noise out of your mouth.
From anywhere else and you're in trouble! Especially if you have an attack of wind.
Anyway, this train of thoughts somehow took a turning back to death and family members now long gone.
I remembered my dear old dad. He always used to say to me "take every thing with a pinch of salt!" Mind you, he made a terrible cup of tea.
He told me once that when I was born in hospital I was very ugly indeed. Apparently the nurse slapped me on the backside and hit my dad in the mouth.
But as I grew up, like the ugly duckling, I became really good looking. I recall when I worked in London I was stopped in the street by a very beautiful woman who said: "Hello handsome. Can you direct me to the optician please?"
In my revery, sitting there in the bath, I recalled my dear old uncle. He was very well educated and a professor at the local University where he taught graffiti and hooliganism.
He used to tell his students: "Sticks and stones may break my bones. But words will never hurt me!" Then one day a printing press fell on him.
He was quite a character my uncle. Once he put a cake and custard in his wife's nylon tights and then declared: "Never trifle with a woman's affection!" I don't think she had a sense of humour, my aunt!
She was quite a figure to look at and wonder. A real hour-glass figure, she had. She said she had been on a peanut and melon diet. The peanuts did'nt do much good but the melons ...
My other uncle was a glazier. You know, a person whose trade is fitting glass into windows and doors. Once, working at this multi-storey block of offices, he spent all day changing the glass in over 100 windows. Then he realised he had a crack in his spectacles.
By this time the water in the bath was getting a little cold and it was time I got out and practiced my body-building poses infront of the full length mirror. It reminded me of the time when I went to see the doctor. He asked me: "Do you have trouble passing water?"
I replied: "I get a little dizzy when travelling over a bridge!"
He was a great Shakespearean actor, my doctor. Toured the USA and other countries for years. His favourite role was in A Midsummer Night's Dream. Have you seen his Bottom? Or perhaps caught a glimpse of his Malvolio on the Twelfth Night?
Anyway, enough of me and my bathing memories.
At least they are better than those of yet another uncle of mine. His doctor told him to keep away from all dampness because of his rheumatism. So he sat in an empty bath and vacuum cleaned himself!