Tuesday, 4 April 2017

Readers - We have a problem

This post may not be suitable for readers with a nervous disposition. 
Please have someone else read this for you. 
Or read it with your eyes closed!
And please keep an open mind ...

Some people snore in their sleep. Others talk in their sleep. Whilst others indeed walk in their sleep. I knew someone who used to eat in his sleep. He'd wake up in the morning and find he'd eaten half a pillow. He also often dreamt he was at a marshmallow factory. But that's another story.

What I want to tell you is about myself ... rather embarrassing, but ... here goes ...

I ... it seems ... so I am told ... apparently ... sing and tell jokes in my sleep.

The other night, I understand, I was singing songs from the musical Oklahoma. A few days ago it was "Old McDonald had a farm"! I then tend to lean forwards as if receiving tumultuous applause and recognition from an appreciative audience - a standing ovation no less.

What is worse, it seems is that I also tell jokes. Original ones.

Now years ago, I used to compare variety shows to raise money for charity and I often did stand-ups telling jokes and introducing the next act. So I can see how such distant memories can now trigger and  replay from my sub-conscious into my dreams. What I find interesting is that my brain seems to make up new jokes which I enjoy and then include in my Blog posts.

However, what I find somewhat disconcerting is that my dreams also seem to involve you ... yes you ... my loyal and very welcome readers.

It seems that when I sing or tell jokes I also name you in my repertoire. I say something like, "I hope you have enjoyed this song (name)." Or "Now I am sure that (name) will enjoy this joke ..." and I proceed to tell the joke.

As you can imagine, naming people in one's dreams is somewhat embarrassing and it has been difficult explaining who all these real people from my virtual Internet world are. Obviously, I've never met you, and do not really know you. So how come you are featuring in my private dreams?

And it's not just you. The other day I dedicated a song to Eleanor, who happens to be our neighbour's dog; and also to Christina which is the name he gave to his new car, would you believe.

So my real world and my virtual Internet world are combining with songs and jokes in my dream world with embarrassing results.

I went to see my doctor about this intriguing phenomenon. She asked me whether I ever mention her in my sleep. I said, "No."

She was very upset and asked, "Why? Am I not as attractive or as interesting as all those other people?"

She got very jealous that my dreams seem to prefer you and a dog instead of her. After a bit of a heated discussion where I tried to re-assure her that she was just as important as all of my friends and dogs, she calmed down a little and gave me some horse pills which a vet friend of hers gave her for nightmares.

The problem is that the pills are the size of golf balls. OK I suppose for a horse; but too large for me to swallow. So I grind the pills using a pestle and mortar and dilute them in plenty of water.

As you can imagine. Taking those horse pills with gallons of water has had side effect.

Being up in the bathroom all night has stopped my vivid dreams.

OK ... better stop here. Have you heard the one about ... ... ...


  1. All I have to say is if you are dreaming about me--I want to be beautiful!!! Who knew--a stand up comedian and now entertaining in your sleep. As for eating the pillow, to steal a line from "Mary Poppins", "Nothing like waking up a little down in the mouth!"
    Blessings, Friend!

  2. Of course you are beautiful Lulu. In reality and in dreams.

    We used to sing songs from Mary Poppins and The Sound of Music at our variety shows.

    God bless you, my friend.

  3. Oh this is great! And I thought that I had some weird dreams . . . . :-) Thank God for the gift of laughter!

    1. So glad I made you laugh, Bettie. Click the tab at the top left "Giggles & Fun" for more laughs. Or try the FREE books on the right hand margin.

      God bless.

  4. Hi Victor! So that's where all those jokes were born! I think you'd be an excellent emcee, and I bet you loved it too.
    I hope your prescription runs out soon, so you can stop running out yourself!

    1. Hello Ceil,

      The truth is, yes, sometimes my jokes come as part of a dream. I may be semi-awake/asleep and then suddenly either a punch-line develops or sometimes a whole Blog post.

      Very often stories develop in my head as I am driving, on the train or bus, and sometimes (this is probably a sin) at church on Sundays. I try to concentrate but my mind is elsewhere writing my next story.

      God bless you and yours.

  5. Sleep in heavenly peace ...


    1. Hi Linda,

      It's great to see you visiting here again. Thanx. Please call more often.

      God bless.



God bless you.

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