Monday, 24 July 2017

Not swimming with dolphins

Years ago I wanted to go on holiday and swim with dolphins; but I could not afford it. So instead I went to an English seaside resort and swam with sardines. As soon as they saw me they swam away thinking I was too weird to swim with them. The only thing I attracted was a jellyfish which attached itself amorously to the outside of my leg.

I got out of the water screaming in agony. A fat woman sitting on the sand sunbathing said, "You have to pee on it. It takes the sting away!"

How could I possibly pee on it attached to the outside of my leg? It's not as if I had an extension hose with me. Anyway, I couldn't just do it in public.

Since there was no queue volunteering to pee on me I kept on screaming instead.

A man came to my aid and suggested he buys a bottle of vinegar from the nearby fish and chips shop. He asked me for some money.

As I was only wearing my sports swimming trunks at the time, I of course had no money on me. He asked me for a credit card. I shouted in pain, "and where do you expect me to swipe it?"

He ran to the shop and brought a bottle of vinegar. As soon as he poured some on the creature it let go off my leg and shrivelled to the ground. But the leg was still stinging.

There was another man nearby selling ice cream from the back of a van. Every so often the van would play nursery rhyme tunes on the loudspeaker to attract young customers. The ice cream salesman volunteered to drive me to the hospital about a mile away. He rushed as slowly as he could playing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" along the way.

At the Emergency Room the Head Nurse who served years ago with Florence Nightmare would not let me in. "You can't come in dressed like that!" she said, pointing at my minute swimming trunks.

It's amazing isn't it, that you can be on the beach with tiniest bikini or swimming trunks and it's OK; but in a different environment it is not acceptable.

"Would you like me to take them off?" I asked, still in severe pain.

She looked me up and down once or twice and said, "No, that would be worse!"

At the reception desk the receptionist asked me for some identification to prove who I was. I told her I did not have any on me. She insisted on some identification she could put on her computer. I assured her I did not have my name and address tattooed on some private place I could show her. She still insisted.

I asked her what would happen if a patient is unconscious. She said that would be different.

So I lay on the floor, closed my eyes, and pretended to be unconscious.

Another young nurse came out of her office, took me to the treatment room and treated my leg.

I then had to take a taxi back to the beach to go to the changing room and get dressed and pay the taxi driver. It cost me a fortune.

I don't like dolphins, or sardines. The only fish I like is the one served with potato chips and tomato ketchup.

6 comments:

  1. Having suffered from the dreaded jelly fish sting, I empathize with you, Victor. Thankfully, I have never been subjected to the humiliation you endured!
    Blessings, My Funny Friend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The name jellyfish sounds nice; but not its sting.

      God bless you, Lulu.

      Delete
  2. Thank you for the smiles, Victor! God Bless you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Michael,

      It's great to see you back. Where have you been? Hope you're keeping well.

      God bless you, my friend.

      Delete
  3. Maria Francesca26 July 2017 at 14:00

    Always such a joy to read this blog at the end of the day :-)
    Sorry for the sting though...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello Maria,

      How nice to know that you visit me here. Thank you. It's good to see you here, so please comment more often so we know you've visited us.

      God bless you always.

      Delete

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