Sunday, 22 October 2017

The flute


Today in church, for no apparent reason, unless it was just to annoy me, there was a lady in the choir playing the flute. You know the one I mean? A wooden tube about 12 inches long with a lot of holes in it and you blow at one end to produce the most horrendous of sounds. Silent was the usual musical organ, and the occasional guitars we have every few Sundays. Today it was just that woman with a flute accompanied by a choir singing like a load of amorous cats on heat at night. I am sure God did not deserve such a cacophony.

When I got home I searched the Internet for the origin of the flute. Apparently, it dates thousands of years and in very ancient times it was a favourite amongst shepherds who used to play it at night to pass away the time whilst guarding their sheep. Unfortunately, as the shepherds played their flutes rather badly, a bit like the woman in the choir today, the sheep thought that he had a lung obstruction which made him wheeze as he breathed, so they all bleated in sympathy. Consequently, their bleating attracted the wolves from far and wide who thought there was a self-service restaurant serving nice lamb for free.

It took quite some time for the slow-witted shepherds to make the connection that their flute playing made the sheep bleat which in turn invited the wolves for dinner. So the practice of shepherds playing the flute eventually died away.

However, this was not the case in church today. That woman was determined to ruin everyone of my favourite hymns as she screeched out of tune making God reach out for the headache tablets.

Perhaps next week I should bring a few sheep to church to supplement the out-of-tune choir.

8 comments:

  1. Oh, my, you poor thing! Actually, I love the flute...it is one of my favorite, soothing sounds...that is, when it is played well! Blessings to you, Victor.

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    Replies
    1. Hi Cheryl,

      It's nice to see you visiting me again. I hope you're keeping well.

      God bless.

      Delete
  2. Hi Victor! Is that really true about the flute and shepherds? That's an amazing fact if it is. All of the life of man on earth has been trial and error, figuring out what to eat, what to use for fuel, and now...how to amuse ourselves!
    Still thinking about the email-group thing. I'm not sure who to ask. Have you been inviting anyone yet?
    Have a great week Victor,
    Ceil

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    Replies
    1. Hi Ceil,

      Of course it's not true about the shepherds having breathing problems. But that woman in church was playing the flute in such a way she might as well have had breathing problems. Why is it some people inflict their bad music on the rest of the congregation and on God? Do you think He tunes in to another church with better music.

      In another church I attend (we go to different churches depending on which Mass times suit us best on Sundays, or Saturday evenings). Anyway in another church we attend they have two different singers up front by the lectern leading the congregation. I have nicknamed one man as Caruso because he always opens his mouth like a cavern when he sings. The other one, a woman, I have nicknamed Laryngitis because her voice sounds like she has it permanently.

      God bless.

      Delete
  3. For being so disrespectful of the church choir, your penance will be to sit through Mozart's opera, The Magic Flute. Then you will be kinder at Mass. ;)

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    1. Did Mozart write a bagpipes version of the Magic Flute? Now that would have frightened the sheep, and all other wildlife for that matter.

      God bless, Manny.

      Delete
  4. As someone who is a church pianist and also a flutist, I am keenly aware of the need to create beautiful flute tones and piano chords that fill the room with music that enhances the worship experience. When it is done poorly it seems to be worse in this context. Thanks for the reminder to ensure that music is a beautiful expression of sound, not a distractor!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for visiting me here Nylorac. We look forward to your return visits.

      God bless you.

      Delete

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