Monday, 13 August 2018

Door-To-Door


Did you know one of my first jobs when I was young was as a door-to-door salesman? I fancied myself as a good talker and took up the challenge to be a salesman able to sell just anything.

The marketing agency for which I worked linked me with a door manufacturer and my first job was a door-to-door salesman selling doors.

I had three doors strapped on my back to show potential clients the different qualities available; and I also carried two suitcases. One was full of locks and handles for clients to choose, and the other case was full of hinges of different sizes and materials.

I remember once I knocked at a door and a very tall man opened it and said: “Yes? What do you want?”

“Good morning Sir,” I said as I was trained by our chief salesman to say, “I am here to open doors to great opportunities!”

I know, it’s a corny opening line, but it was part of our slogan and it had to be said every time we met a new customer.

Anyway, I said my line to the astonished man standing there then as I stooped down to place the two suitcases I was carrying on the ground, I bent forward a little, and the doors on my back hit him hard on the forehead.

He had a small cut on his head and it started bleeding a little.

"Do you have any Band-Aid and bandage dressing?" I asked him.

"Do you need some too?" he replied holding a handkerchief to his head, "where did you hurt yourself?"

"Not for me ... for you ..." I said. "I’m a trained first-aider you know, as well as being a door salesman. Anyway ... it looks like your injury has stopped bleeding now, and I'm glad you didn't damage my doors."

He grunted and said nothing.

I then unstrapped the three doors off my back and proceeded to explain how well made they were. One was made of oak, another of mahogany, and the third was cheap plastic in case the clients couldn't afford the other two.

"It's the de-lux economy version ..." I said trying to encourage a sale.

He explained that he already had a front door which suited him quite nicely, thank you.

On another occasion I was selling in a very posh area of town. To be honest, I had no chance of selling a door there. The houses were so big and luxurious that I wouldn’t mind guessing that their front doors cost more than the house where I was living at the time. But I was assigned that area by the chief salesman and as an extra incentive he doubled the commission I would make if I sold any doors there.

I rang the bell at one of these luxurious houses and it was opened by a young woman totally naked.

“Yes?” she whispered softly standing there with a smile on her face.

For a moment or so I forgot our opening line, “I am here to open doors to great opportunities!”

I just mumbled, “Do you want a door?”

She smiled and said, “Not today, thank you!”

Before I could say anything more, the strap holding the doors to my back broke and the three doors I was carrying crashed to the ground with a big bang. A large dog inside the house began to bark ferociously. I left the doors there and ran away.

I phoned my chief salesman and he instructed me to retrieve the doors or else he would deduct the money from my pay.

I plucked up courage and returned to the house. My doors were no longer there. I summoned every ounce of courage and rang the bell again.

This time it was opened by a big man, also totally naked.

I explained the situation about the doors and my chief salesman and I must admit I was surprised at how understanding he was.

I guess I am the only salesman to buy back his products from a client who never paid for them in the first place.

IF YOU WANT TO LAUGH MORE AT ME 
READ MY MEMOIRES HERE



22 comments:

  1. you know when it is time to find another job!

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    1. I did ... read my memoires.

      God bless you, Christine.

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  2. All I can say is...well, I can't ...I am at a loss for words!!

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    1. That's exactly how I felt when she opened the door. I did not know where to look. Well ... I did really.

      God bless you Anni.

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  3. I didn't see that (ending) coming! Must admit, those homeowners' attire might certainly repel most salespersons … and 7th Day Adventists!

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    1. The thing is, Mevely ... I went back. Didn't want to, (if you believe me), but the chief salesman forced me to return and get the doors. He told me to be careful where to look. I DID when the big man came out!!!

      Why do people open doors like that? Happened to ma also when I was involved in politics and went from door to door asking for votes.

      God bless.

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  4. You never know what's behind the door until it opens. :)

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    1. Too true, Bill. It was quite a revelation.

      God bless.

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  5. You sure keep me guessing where you are going with your stories as I tag along and I must admit that I love what happens when I get there :)
    Thank you for keeping us laughing...there is so little happiness in our world at times.
    You're a great man Victor. I am so happy to blog with you~

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    1. It was a lucky day when we met online Jan. Thank God.

      Yes, there's little happiness in the world today. An idea for a new post by me, I think. Please check again here soon.

      I tell you, when that woman opened the door looking like that I did not know whether to be happy or sad. I wondered whether she would buy a door from me. Believe me Jan, that was the only thing on my mind.

      God bless you.

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    2. Of course I believe you Victor(fingers crossed behind my back.)
      I am sure that you were just thinking "what beautiful knobs"...door knobs that is!!!

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    3. That is just a BRILLIANT answer, Jan. I wish I had thought of door knobs. Big shiny brass ones.

      Actually, (please don't tell anyone), In the UK knob means something completely different. The male sexual organ. Mine was doing the thinking for me.

      God bless you. Love your sense of humour.

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    4. Well, it works either way Victor The USA way when she answered the door...The UK way when he answered the door.
      But I was thinking of the door knobs in your hardware sample case...believe me Victor :)
      A sense of humor helps when you like to smile :)

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    5. Another brilliant answer, Jan.

      By the way, I have just written a post on happiness. It will be posted here soon - probably tomorrow.

      God bless.

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  6. Again, you have saved the best for last!

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    1. Again ... I am so glad that I made you smile, Chris. My memoires were written with this intention in mind.

      God bless.

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  7. pretty hard to top that lol,,,

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    1. What a kind thing to say, Laurie. Thank you so much. I've gathered all my humourous episodes in life and put them in "my memoires"

      God bless you.

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  8. As always, you've managed to tickle my funny bone, Victor! Blessings!

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    1. Indeed, Martha. So did the woman who opened the door. She tickled my funny bone all right !!!

      God bless.

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  9. I can always count on your stories to make me giggle! Right now, it hurts to giggle, but giggle I did!!

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    1. Sorry Terri. I did not mean to hurt you. Why not come back and read this post again when you're feeling better?

      Praying for you. God bless.

      Delete

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God bless you.

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