Tuesday, 23 June 2020

The Truth about Aliens from Outer Space



The other day I saw an Unidentified Flying Object (UFO). I know you will not believe me, and that is sad, because this time I am telling the truth.

I was out in the park walking the dog when I saw this white spherical item flying high in the sky. By the time I identified it, the golf ball hit me straight on the forehead.

When I came to, this man said, "Did you not hear me shout fore?"

"Good Lord," I said, "are there three others on their way to hit me?"

"No ..." he replied, "fore is a term we golfers use to warn people when a golf ball is about to hit them. It's like lumberjacks shouting timber before they bring a tree down!"

"You're not going to fell a tree on me now, are you?" I asked him.

"Of course not," he said rather worried, "tell me ... do you know where you are ... and who I am ... and what we're doing here?"

It was obvious he was trying to check whether I had concussion.

I replied, "We are at the Municipal Golf Club, or to be precise the park near it, you are James Fordisque, and we are here because God created us and gave us this earth on which to live and enjoy its beauty and plenty!"

"Good Heavens," he said, "how did you know my name? We've never met."

"It is written on your Golf Club badge which you are wearing!" I replied.

He looked at his badge and appeared relieved that I was OK. He offered to drive me to the hospital for a check-up but I refused.

Before he left, I asked him, "You mentioned trees being felled. If a tree falls in the forest and there is no one there to see it fall, does it remain upright?"

He asked me if I was sure I did not want to go to hospital. I assured him and he left.

On my way home with the dog I started thinking about Unidentified Flying Objects, (UFOs). Surely, they are unidentified until you identify them. Once you've identified them they are no longer UFOs. At first I did not identify the golf ball. It remained a UFO until it hit me ... or shortly afterwards when I came to.

Yet a lot of people see UFOs and identify them as UFOs. They say it was a UFO. They even describe it as a UFO. Sometimes it is shaped like a saucer, sometimes like a cigar, or a bright light or whatever. But it is always identified as a UFO. Maybe we should call them as such: Identified Unidentified Flying Objects (IUFOs).

And why are they always flying when they are seen by people? Why are they never parked in the supermarket car park in one of the Disabled Spaces, or the Mothers and Toddlers spaces, or such like? Maybe supermarkets should have spaces marked for IUFOs. That way UFOs could park there and people would identify them as such.

Have there ever been UFOs seen on the ground as if they have landed? Or floating in the sea, perhaps? Then they would be called Identified And Landed Unidentified Flying Objects, (IALUFOs). Or Identified And Floating Unidentified Flying Objects, (IAFUFOs). 

And why is it people sometimes say they have been abducted by aliens in UFOs and then lived to tell the tale?

They say they have been taken up in the spaceship and dissected on a laboratory table by aliens to see how we humans work, and then they have been put together again.

If an alien is going to cut somebody up like a worm or a rat on the table at biology lesson in school; then why bother put it back together again? Why not throw the bits away? Or use them in some meat pie or in a vegetable and meat dish? Is it because they have no vegetables in the spaceship?

And why is it when they've put the people they've abducted back together again; why is it they give them a tour of the spaceship? And get them to meet their leader and the crew? Why not wipe their minds clean so they cannot tell anyone else that the aliens have landed and they have abducted them? That would be the logical thing to do if I were an alien. I would wipe their minds so they could not tell anyone about me.

And why is it aliens always speak in perfect English to their abductees? You know ... the people they abduct!

Why not speak to them in Klingon, or French, or Italian, or German or any other language? Is it perhaps that they are speaking in Klingon but by some magical stroke of luck it sounds like perfect English?

And one more thing ... do aliens from outer space play golf?

Maybe I should have my head checked at the hospital!

16 comments:

  1. Why, indeed?! You know, I never realized how dim-witted I've been all this time. Good thing I've never been abducted and found lacking!

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    1. I've never understood why aliens from outer space would abduct someone and then release them again? Surely if they wanted to remain in secret hiding they would silence the people they abduct for ever. And also ... have they ever abducted people from other non-English speaking countries, and spoken to them in their language? If so, then aliens from outer space must know many languages and dialects. Why not set up an interpreters business instead of abducting people? They'd make a lot of money.

      God bless, Mevely.

      P.S. The doctor at the hospital checked if I was OK by asking me where I was and who he was. So I read it off his badge ... again. Really, they should think better questions.

      God bless.

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  2. Lol, Victor, maybe you should have your head checked out after all. :) All kidding aside, your humor once again made my day! Thank you and blessings!

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    1. It's good I made you smile, Martha. But seriously, I have never understood people who say they've been abducted, or taken to spaceships by outer space aliens. Why did the aliens return them?

      God bless always.

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  3. LOL, aliens are fake news. :)

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    1. These days even reality is fake, Bill. I often ask myself: Is me, me? Or someone else pretending to be me? Then I have a Guinness and calm down.

      God bless.

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  4. Sounds good to me.
    I really did get hit with a golf ball once. I was walking around a golf course and a ball came out of nowhere and hit me on the back of my shoulder. Had a round bruise for quite a while!

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    1. It's amazing how much it hurts when hit by a golf ball. Why don't they play golf indoors where it is safer from hitting passers-by?

      God bless, Happyone.

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  5. I don't know if aliens play golf. I will ask them next time I see them. They are scheduled to beam me up next Tuesday.

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    1. Please let us know what you find out, Chris. What is their handicap; apart from talking in Klingon.

      God bless.

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  6. Hi Victor,
    it wouldn't hurt to get your head checked, but there again they might find an alien in it.:-) I have not been hit by a golf ball but I had an awful experience when I was riding bare back on a horse and turned to speak to my friend. I was suddenly thrown off the horse by hitting a large bough of a tree. I literally saw golden stars rising up into the air. So you never know, if you do get hit by a golf ball again you may see an alien rising up into the air.

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    1. I don't understand, Brenda. Why was your back bare? Were you not cold?

      Keep smiling. God bless.

      P.S. I hope you were not too badly hurt.

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    2. I knew you would say that:-) it was the horse whose back was bare, with no saddle on. No I wasn't too badly injured Victor, although it could be why I am a little crazy now.

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    3. Riding bare back must be very difficult, and you are very brave to attempt it. I'm so glad you were not badly injured. You're certainly braver than I, Brenda.

      God bless.

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  7. Your head is fine, your imagination and logic are both in great working order.

    My belief about aliens is that if they do exist, they are smart enough to avoid us!

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    1. Exactly, Mimi. If they exist, why would they make themselves known to us?

      God bless.

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