Aunt Gertrude’s Mischief

This time Aunt Gertrude has gone too far. Her mad antics are beyond redemption and forgiveness.

It happened on Saturday. I was looking forward to a peaceful day alone as the whole family, including our visiting Aunt Gertrude from Australia, planned to go to London sightseeing and no doubt shopping.

On the day in question, for some unknown reason, Auntie decided to stay at home. She made a joke about “baby-sitting” me and said no more about it. After the family left she retired to her room to write some letters to her friends back in Adelaide.

I sat in front of the TV to watch a business programme. I must have been very tired because I soon fell asleep on the sofa.

About an hour later I was awakened by the door bell. I answered the door and it was the postman seeking my signature for an important letter he’d just delivered. As he gave me the letter he smiled and said “G’day!” in a mock Australian accent.

I smiled and said nothing. I made myself a coffee and then decided to walk to the newsagent down the road and get some papers.

On the way there I met Mrs Groggins who lives a few doors away. She was in her front garden pruning her roses. We spoke for a minute or two and as I left she said “G’day!” I thought it somewhat odd of her and went on my way.

At the newsagent I picked my newspapers and decided to treat myself with my favorite chocolates. I also, against my better nature, bought a small box of best chocolates for Auntie Gertrude.

As I paid for the items the cashier smiled at me and said “G’day!” as she handed me the change and receipt.

On my way back home I was somewhat puzzled at this sudden Australian epidemic in our town. Perhaps they’d all met Auntie Gertrude and they were emulating her accent and sayings. After all, she’s very noticeable is Auntie; especially with her loud voice and distinctive accent. Coming up the street were a young couple. As they approached me they looked at each other and smiled.

Auntie Gertrude was still in her room. I read my papers and had two large cups of coffee and not a few chocolates.

A bit later I went to the bathroom.

As I looked in the mirror, there on my forehead, written in bright red lipstick was the word “G’DAY”

I nearly burst a valve as my blood pressure reached new heights.

Auntie Gertrude laughed and said “I didn’t know you’d go out looking stupid, cobber!”