Wednesday, 17 July 2013
I may have mentioned that Uncle Herbert from Dundee is very generous and always brings us many gifts when he visits.
He was with us recently to meet Aunt Gertrude from Australia who is staying with us for a (long) while.
After he left to his native Scotland he proved once again that his generosity knows no bounds. I wish it did really …
Being generous is one thing but then it can also go too far and it takes over someone else’s life. I don’t mean to be critical … Yes I do actually; otherwise I wouldn’t be telling you this.
Let me explain.
The other day a large van drew outside our house and they delivered a large box.
"Struth cobber ..." said Auntie Gertrude, "what in a nest of kookaburras is that?"
We weren’t expecting anything apart from a book which I had ordered from the Internet. But this box was far too big for a book ...
We got the box into the house, Auntie and I, and we opened it to discover that it contained a huge armchair.
Not a normal type of armchair mind you … no, this was an inflatable armchair. And not the kind you inflate with air … it would take ages and strong lungs to inflate something this size. No, this armchair had to be filled with water. It’s like a water bed but armchair shaped. And it’s in the most hideous blue plastic colour.
With the gift was a short note from Uncle Herbert saying “I saw this in the shop and thought of you.”
Why would an oversized fluorescent blue inflatable armchair lead a kind, albeit somewhat demented old man, to think of me? Do I look fat and wobbly maybe? I never even wear blue, so what led him to buy it for
Anyway … one has to be kind I suppose, and as Uncle Herbert is visiting again next week, (he seems to like Aunt Gertrude - don't know why), we decided to inflate the armchair with gallons and gallons of water.
"No worries cobber!" laughed Auntie Gertrude, "I'll fix the hose from the garden to the water and we'll soon have this thing floating like a surf board on an Australian wave!"
It must have emptied three local lakes to fill it.
It was placed in front of the TV where our dear Uncle often sits. It wobbles and moves as you sit in it and it makes you sea-sick, especially when the blue plastic reflects the light from the TV set.
Aunt Gertrude tried it a few times and she liked it. She's thinking of buying one for herself to take back to Adelaide.
So there was I yesterday sitting uncomfortably in this huge blue lagoon moving from side to side when I eventually fell asleep. There was nothing good on TV except the dust accumulated by the static.
As I lay there sleeping, dreaming of being on a Pirate’s Ship with Captain Blue Beard no doubt, suddenly my dream turned into Titanic.
Apparently the other day Auntie Gertrude was knitting on the inflatable armchair and had inadvertently lost one of the knitting needles. As I sat on the chair I somehow pushed the needle into the plastic fabric which burst with a slow but steady discharge of water everywhere.
There were gallons of water flooding the living room as I slowly sank down to the ground trapped in the infernal armchair as it folded itself with me in it ...
... and then I shot up violently like a rocket as the water made contact with an electric appliance in the living room.
Auntie Gertrude who was in the room at the time and witnessed the whole event laughed loudly as she said "I always knew your big bottom was too heavy for that chair, cobber!"