It is said that in millions of years from now man will become extinct. This is because there is something wrong with the male chromosome which means that for a while humans will only produce female offspring; and then human beings will no longer be able to reproduce.
Well, I don’t know about you. But if the world had no more men who would take the spiders out of the bath tub?
The reason I mention this is because I am a hero in my own household.
The other day there was a big spider in the toilet and the whole family panicked. I was sent in to capture it and take it out in the garden.
I basked in my new found glory until Auntie Gertrude came home from her walk in the park and was told of my intrepid exploits.
“Is that all cobber?” she said deflating my ego like a burst balloon, “once when I was in the bush I found a snake in the dunny.”
“Really? What did you do?” she was asked as all the family’s attention deserted me and turned to her.
“Only one thing to do mate” she exclaimed, “I stood on its head and killed it. I wasn’t going to give him a front row seat in the audience whilst I sat on the dunny!”
As the family ooohed and aaahed in amazement Auntie went on “On another occasion whilst I was having a shower at home I saw a small lizard looking at me and counting my wrinkles. Fortunately I only have one wrinkle, the one I sit on!”
The family laughed as Auntie Gertrude continued to entertain her audience and dimming the limelight which hitherto shone on me. I mean … tackling a spider is quite a feat you know.
“In Australia we have all sorts of wildlife” she declared, “I once found a baby koala in the kitchen. The door was open and the poor mite came in. He was weak and starving the little fella!”
“What did you do Auntie?” they all asked.
“Oh I phoned the animal rescue people and they took him away,” she went on to the delight of her attentive audience.
“A neighbour of ours has a lizard for a pet” Auntie explained, “the creature is always perched on his shoulder as he walks around the house.”
“Did his parrot die?” I asked sarcastically.
“No, he has a parrot as well,” she replied having missed my comment completely, “and a dog, two cats and a white rabbit.”
“Tell us about them …” they all cried in unison.
At which point I left the room and let her enjoy her moment of fame. At least whilst she is entertaining the family she is not getting at me.