Thursday, 26 February 2015
The Fox and Moon
I’d just finished my large portion of French fries and I put the empty packet on the bench to dispose of it later. To stop it blowing away I put my cell-phone and keys in the empty fries container to weigh it down, and proceeded to enjoy my burger and cheese bun.
As quick as a flash, a fox came out of the bushes, no doubt attracted by the smell of food, grabbed the empty fries container in its mouth and ran away.
I ran after it frantically and it eventually dropped my cell-phone, but unfortunately it hid in the bushes before I could retrieve my keys. I searched everywhere to no avail. The bushes in that area were quite thick and almost impenetrable.
I walked back to my car intent on phoning for help when I found a park ranger standing next to my vehicle writing in her notepad.
I immediately recognized the lady in question.
I’d seen her several times in church talking in the car park after Mass with friends, but I never spoke with her.
She’s a short woman in her mid-forties well built all over and a little rotund. She must have a great sense of humor apparently since she’s always laughing loudly outside church with a contagious laugh which makes you want to join in the fun even though you’re not part of the conversation.
Today of course it was different. Dressed in her tight ranger’s uniform she was as severe as befits a person in authority.
“You have parked beyond the stipulated time,” she said sternly, “and I must issue you with a fine to be paid within a week!”
I tried to explain what had just happened and why I was late driving away from the parking space.
“You’re from our church …” she declared, “I recognize your face. Show me where it happened.”
We walked back to the bushes and I showed her where the fox had run away.
“We have had sightings of a vixen and a young family around here,” she said, “the mother is probably trying to feed her cubs!”
She handed me her jacket and continued, “I’ll go in there to look for your keys. I wouldn’t want you to disturb them if they’re in there!”
She got down on her hands and knees and like a dog she slowly and carefully made her way forward into the thick bushes until all I could see was the sole of her shoes.
Eventually she said “I got them …” and started reversing back slowly, on all fours, just as she got in.
Suddenly, there was a loud ripping sound and her very tight trousers tore from top to bottom at the back revealing very minute skimpy underwear and leaving nothing to the imagination.
I stood there frozen, holding her jacket.
To my amazement and total confusion she suddenly burst out in uncontrollable fits of laughter. She stayed there on all fours for a few seconds laughing herself out of breath despite her obvious expose.
She then continued reversing ever so slowly, presumably to avoid disturbing any foxes which would no doubt be as confused as myself; and then standing up and still giggling she said, “You can stop ogling my derriere now and help cover up my modesty!”
She wrapped her jacket round her waist to cover her rear and said, “I must have given you quite an eye-full there. How are you going to explain that to Father Frederic in Confession?”
Before I had time to reply, she continued, “You’ll have to drive me home to get changed.”
I did drive her home and we became great friends with her and her husband.