Monday, 9 May 2016

Pest Control

We had a terrible situation the other day and I had to call the Pest Control people.

I went to the toilet and there, inside the toilet seat, was the biggest hippopotamus you ever did see.

At first I was afraid ... I was petrified! Kept thinking I could never live ... With a hippo by my side.

I know what you're thinking. This is plagiarism. But it isn't; it's a hippo I tell you. A really big hippo there in our toilet.

But speaking of plagiarism. Personally, I don't like it and I long for a world with no plagiarism at all. You may say I'm a dreamer. But I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us. And the world will have no plagiarism at all.

But let's not detract from the hippo in my toilet. As I said, I was afraid it might bite me where I don't want to be bitten. I stepped back and said "Shoo ... shoo ..." like you would a cat or other creature. But he did not move. His head was sticking out of the toilet bowl and he stayed there looking at me.

I picked up the toilet brush, which in our poor household consists of a hedgehog tied to a stick of wood. I tried to push the hippo back with the brush; but the hedgehog did not like it one bit. He untied himself from the stick and said he'd resign from this **** job.

I pushed the hippo with the stick, now minus the hedgehog. He did not budge one inch. He was too big to go down the toilet. He just picked up the stick in my hand and threw it back at me.

I flushed the toilet, but because the hippo was blocking the toilet pipe the water overflowed all over the floor.

I phoned the Pest Control people. They arrived within the hour. The man searched in his book about various pests and vermins but could not find anything about hippos.

I asked him how could a hippo just appear in our toilet from nowhere. He said that he was probably holidaying over here and took the wrong turning by mistake. That, or he probably fell off the back of a lorry delivering hippos to a nearby zoo far away from here.

Either way, we now had a hippo in our toilet and we could not get rid of him.

The Pest Control man asked me if I had any golf clubs.

"You're not going to beat him on the head with a golf club?" I asked.

"No ..." he replied, "but it is well known that hippos like to play golf. I was going to entice him out of your toilet and to the nearby golf course far away from here."

As you can tell. I am having difficulties ending this story which still leaves me with a hippo in my toilet.

Any suggestions or comments would be greatly appreciated. Thanx.


  1. Well, it is quite obvious hippos like to sing and dance. And, like all Hungry Hippos, eat marbles. Forget the golf club, and spread some marbles on the floor and blast The Lion Sleeps Tonight song! Let me know how it goes.

    1. I'll do as you say, Lynn. I hope it works.

      It is so nice to see you visiting me again. Thank you.

      God bless.

  2. Cool revisit with that Lion Song, Victor!

    Happy flushing ...

    1. I've stopped flushing, Linda. There's water all over the floor.

      God bless.

  3. A hippo---much better than the snake I live in dread of finding in the loo! I had the plumber out yesterday for a foreign object flushed down the loo (thanks to the grands), $200 later all is fixed. How MUCH will they charge to remove a hippo!!
    Funny, Victor!

    1. It's got worse, Lulu. The Pest Control people suggested we bring a female hippo to entice the male one out of the toilet. Now I have two hippos and neither of them wants to leave.

      I think this will cost me more than $200. Plumbers are so difficult to come by these days. When we needed one urgently the only one available could only turn up in 10 years' time. And he said he'll turn up in the afternoon, because he was busy that morning.

      God bless.



God bless you.