Wednesday, 8 July 2020

Camelot, Camelot, Wherefore art thou, Camelot?


As time went by King Arthur of Camelot grew in size and stupidity. He was certainly not living up to his legendary prowess as a wise and strong King able to rule his Kingdom with the Knights of the Round Table as his advisers. Instead, he was fast becoming the laughing stock of one and all to the detriment of Camelot and all who lived there.

In sheer desperation and no small modicum of loyalty, the young wizard Merlin went to seek the advice of Fly-By-Night, the flying great dragon who had been imprisoned in the dungeons by Uther, (Arthur’s father), when he banished all practices of magic in Camelot.

Fly-By-Night promised to tell Merlin how to cure King Arthur’s stupidity on condition that he would free him from the dungeons.

“How can I possibly do that?” asked Merlin, “when the King will find out he will kill me and you!”

“Not necessarily,” replied the wise dragon sighing heavily and nearly roasting young Merlin with his flaming breath, “ooops … sorry … as I was saying before I burped your face. I am a nocturnal animal. If you free me I will fly by night when everyone is asleep, and will return to the dungeons in the morning and stay here all day. No one will know that I am free! The prison guards will be guarding an empty cell at night. They’re often asleep anyway. And I’ll slip out through the window with no bars at the back of the dungeons.”

And so a deal was struck. Merlin stole the key to the locks which chained the dragon to the dungeon walls, and in return for his freedom the dragon told Merlin to go to the Bridge Between Two Mountains where he will find the answer to the King’s stupidity.

As Merlin returned to his room to pack a small bag for his long journey he found a note stuck on his door which said, “Botox false teeth bit him underneath!”

This was before Post-It Notes and text messages. It was a small parchment stuck to the door with glue. The message referred to the old warlock Gaius Botox. He was called Botox because he never smiled, frowned or raised his eyebrows. 

Merlin ran to Botox’ room, only to find him in great agony. In those days false teeth contained strong springs to help the wearer chew tough boiled meat or tough bread.

As he went for his daily bath, Botox left his false teeth on a chair. When he eventually got out of the tub he absent-mindedly sat on the chair and the springs in the false teeth sprung like a mousetrap and bit hard where they should not have.

“I am in gweat pwain …” said Botox through his gums since he could not pronounce properly … sorry … pwopewly, without his teeth.

“Have you tried a magic spell that would release the teeth from your underneath?” asked Merlin.

“I have twied ewewy magic spwell in the book,” cwied … cried Botox, “none of them seem to work. This is because I cannot pwonounce the magic spwells pwopewly and the false teeth bite even hawder my undewneath with ewewy miss-spelled magic spell!”

In order not to prolong the old man’s pain, and not to prolong yours trying to read this, Merlin tied a strong string round the teeth from underneath.

Then he tied a heavy stone at the other end of the string and threw it out of the window. The teeth were suddenly wrenched violently from underneath and … as they say … that was the end we’ll ever hear about the teeth from underneath.

Except for the poor passer-by in the street underneath who got hit on the head by the teeth from above.  

Anyway, Merlin told Botox that he was off to the Bridge Between Two Mountains.

 “What will you do when you get there?” asked Botox.

 “I don’t know. I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it!” replied Merlin; thus including another cheap joke to this sorry tale.

 When he got to the Bridge Between Two Mountains, Merlin was met by a big Ogre, called the Big Ogre.

 “I know why you’re here,” said the troll, “I will tell you how to cure King Arthur of his stupidity if you prove your cleverness by solving my riddle.

 “A man called his three sons and told them to divide his herd of 11 camels amongst themselves.

 "The youngest son should have 1/6 of the camels. The eldest son should have 1/2 of the camels. And the one born second should have 1/4 of the camels!

 “How do you divide the 11 camels as instructed without killing any of them?”

 “What a Camelot!” thought Merlin silently.

 How about you, dear readers, can you help Merlin solve the riddle?

 

Meanwhile ... here is a short interlude.

If a camel with one hump is called a Dromedary, and a camel with two humps is called a Bactrian camel, what do you call a camel with three humps?

Humphrey !!!

 

“Time’s up …” shouted the Big Ogre.

“I think I got it,” said Merlin hesitantly, “if the three brothers borrow another camel they will now have 12 camels.

“If the youngest son takes 1/6 of the camels – that is 2 camels.

“And the eldest son takes 1/2 of the camels – that is 6 camels.

“Then the other son takes 1/4 of the camels – that is 3 camels.

“The total will be 11 camels; and then they can return the one camel they borrowed.”

The Big Ogre was very impressed by Merlin’s cleverness. And to be honest, so am I at your cleverness in helping him out.

The Big Ogre gave Merlin a magic potion to mix in King Arthur’s drink which will cure him of his stupidity.

And the moral of this story, (so far), is: Stupidity is stupidity. Intelligence is having knowledge and the ability to use it. Otherwise it is applied stupidity!

12 comments:

  1. You need to pass that stupidity cure around all over the place. I guess you can fix stupid.

    Thank you for joining the Wordless Wednesday Blog Hop.

    Have a fabulous Wordless Wednesday. ♥

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    1. Indeed, Sandee. We have plenty of stupidity here in the UK too.

      God bless.

      Delete
  2. We sure could use a cure for stupidity these days, Victor. Great story, as always, my friend!
    Blessings!

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    1. Thank you Martha. I think we in the UK could export stupidity and make money.

      God bless you.

      Delete
  3. Another great episode, Victor! Yep, like a certain virus, stupidity seems to be spreading like fire in a sawmill. Methinks more folks need to learn to bite their tongue.

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    1. Good point, Mevely. Merlin needs to get some more stupidity cure potions.

      God bless.

      Delete
  4. Yep, may we be wise and savvy, not ignorant and foolish.

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    Replies
    1. Wisdom? What's that?

      God bless you Linda. Call here more often.

      Delete
  5. It seems stupidty is a common theme today in the world. Some of the most powerful people in the world are definitely laughing stocks with their stupid comments and ideas.
    LOL, Fly-By-Night, the flying great dragon. how do you come up with these names and characters. It's truly a wonderful gift you have. Maybe you could be a leader too. :)

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    1. I'm so glad you like my humour, Bill. The names and stories sometimes just come to mind from nowhere. Do you know why dragons never breathe out fire whilst flying? Because they burn their eyebrows.

      God bless you, Bill.

      Delete
  6. As I read the other comments, I must agree, so much that is going on today seems so stupid. I wonder where that unique commodity of common sense went. We need it back!!

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    1. Common sense is not as common as one would imagine. It's sad, but I think stupidity is a contagious disease.

      God bless you, Wanda.

      Delete

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