The day arrived when King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table, as well as Merlin, set off to the forest to find the unicorn with the golden tail. They left Camelot early in the morning to get to the forest before the trees got there. But unfortunately, when they arrived they found that the trees got there first.
They reached the river that never flows and, true to form, the water was still. As still as can be. It did not move downstream or upstream because there was no downstream or upstream. All there was was a non-moving river.
is very odd!” said King Arthur, “the water is not moving at all. I have waved
my sword backwards and forwards and the water gets back to its original
position. It’s like moving a jelly. It gets back to its original shape and
“What shape and form is water?” asked Sir Gawain.
“It has not shape or form,” replied Sir Bors the Younger.
He was the son of Sir Bors the Older, who was the son of Sir Bors the Even Older, who was the son of Sir Bors the Antique who started the Antiques Exposition. A travelling display of entertainment, where Sir Bors the Antique used to go from town to town, and from village to village; displaying his antiquities for all to see and marvel and delight at. In time, however, the town folk grew tired of delighting at Sir Bors’ ancient relics. In fact you could say they were bored of Sir Bors.
“Your old wares are too old!” they used to shout, “show us something new you hoary Bors!”
And that’s when Sir Bors had a choice to make. Either he gave up displaying his goods shamelessly in public for all to see; or to encourage others to join him in this open demonstration of things of old that are no longer seen nor exhibited since times gone by. And that’s how his idea of open display of one’s personal goods developed into TV programs which survived to this day.
Anyway, as I was saying before you distracted me, Sir Bors the Younger said that water has not shape or form. He was the younger son of Sir Bors the Older … you know the rest!
“Of course water has shape and form,” laughed Sir Lamorak taking off his anorak. He was the inventor of the hooded jacket made of fur which … … … oh, what’s the use. You’re not interested anyway.
“Yes, you’re right. Water does have a shape and form,” confirmed Sir Fuller Beans, also known as Sir Fart-a-lot, “water is the shape of the container within which it is placed; that is the shape of water! So in the river, the water is the shape of a river, in the sea the water is the shape of the sea, in the … … … ”
“As I was saying,” interrupted King Arthur, “the water in this river seems to have the shape or form of a river. It is one long stretch of jelly like substances stretching from here to there in the East and from here to there in the West. It is not moving. Anyway, I am now tired of this discussion. Let us rest here for the night. Let us form a circle!”
“Where?” asked Sir Badger Face, who looked a bit like a badger.
“Here,” said King Arthur, “here on the ground. Let us form a circle so that we can all rest, yet we can all safeguard each other in case of attack.”
“Circumference?” asked Sir Nose Bleed.
“What do you mean Sir Cumference? He is not here. He’s back in Camelot minding the venison pies!” replied the King rather annoyed.
“What I meant, Sire,” mumbled Nose Bleed through his nostrils, “what circumference do you want the circle we form with our bodies to be … … … whilst we’re lying down to sleep?”
“Does it matter?” piped up Sir Cumspect, cautiously, “if Sir Cumference was here we would sleep all around him in perfect circle!”
“OK … let’s settle down,” said Arthur as he got down to sleep on the ground. The other Knights also got down to sleep whilst Merlin sat alone by a tree.
“It’s a good thing I can perform magic,” he thought, “otherwise Camelot would not survive with this lot!”
Sir Amonial, who always organised sumptuous banquets in Camelot for the King and his guests, looked up at the sky whilst lying on his back and said, “So many stars, Sire … as we sleep here … we dream, the impossible dream, to fight, the unbeatable foe, to bear, with unbearable sorrow, to run, where the brave dare not go … To reach the unreachable stars!!!”
“Oh do shut up …” sighed the King, “you’re not going to start singing are you? Your voice sounds like a pregnant coyote giving birth to an elephant! If you start singing you’ll attract every robber and assassin for miles around; not to mention a swarm of mosquitoes looking for a late meal!”
At this point a lonely owl hooted a couple of times an ominous and foreboding territorial scream.
“That’s all we need,” said Arthur, “an irritable owl syndrome!”
“Sire!” whispered Sir Pentine in a roundabout way, “if a tree falls in the forest and there is no one there to see it. Does it remain standing?”
The King replied, “if I hit you on the head with my shield, and there’s no one there to witness it, will you still be an idiot?”
And with that, they all fell asleep in a circle the circumference of which is not known, whilst Merlin stood guard not so far away minding his Majesty the King and his band of Knights on whom the Kingdom relied for its safety and protection.
And the moral of this story, (so far), is:
Are you lonesome dear Knight?
Are you itching for a fight?
As you wonder how ever it will start?
Does your memory say,
As you begin yet another day,
Time to let go another big ….
(I can’t think of a word rhyming with start).