Friday, 10 July 2020

Camelot - Lady Fallacy

When Merlin, the young wizard, returned from the Bridge Between Two Mountains, and yet not having crossed the bridge when he got to it; he went to his chambers and hid the bottle of magic potion which the Big Ogre gave him.

The Big Ogre had warned him not to give the whole potion at once to the stupid King. Instead, he should put a couple of drops a day in his food so that his intelligence would increase gradually and no one would notice the sudden change in the young King’s behaviour.

And this is what Merlin did, and slowly but surely the King grew in wisdom which is not to difficult a feat when you start from minus 0.

He started caring for his people and enacted laws for their Health and Safety. For example, one day he was riding his horse in the forest with his Knight’s armour on. In those days the helmet had a metal visor up front protecting the wearer from being hit in the face. Also, the breastplate was made of steel and tied in place by belts going round the wearer’s back.

As the horse galloped slowly the rider would bounce up and down and the breastplate keeping him upright dug into the King’s ribs. So he stopped, took off the breastplate and wore it back to front, with the metal part at the back and the belts holding it in place at the front.

As he rode on, he accidentally hit a low lying tree branch which threw him off the horse. He was knocked unconscious.

He could have died when two peasants trying to help him, seeing the breastplate at the back, tried to turn his head the right way round with the breastplate!

So based on that neck-breaking experience; King Arthur banned all Knights from wearing armour unless they are in a fight or jousting.

He also suggested that armour should be oiled frequently at the joints to avoid making a creaking noise when getting home late and waking the wives.

With his newly gained wisdom, the young Arthur became inventive too. He used to sit on the throne for ages thinking up things to invent.

For instance, one day when on the throne he invented perforations. He thought that a lot of little holes close to each other are bound to be useful to someone someday.

It was not until centuries later that somebody else invented perforated toilet paper and gained all the credit. King Arthur was truly before his time; in fact one could say he was more anticipated than constipated.

One day he played host to Lady Fallacy; the wife of an old Knight now long dead.

Lady Fallacy was now a widow and had come to Camelot to meet Uther’s son, King Arthur. The young King was gracious enough to hold a banquet in her honour.

Sadly, after the banquet Lady Fallacy had a terrible headache. In fact it could be said that she had a migraine.

So she retired to her chambers for the night.

The next morning, King Arthur asked her how she was. Being from a foreign country, Lady Fallacy was not very good at English, especially the Olde English which they spoke in Camelot at the time. She mispronounced many words.

When asked how she was, having suffered from a splitting headache the previous evening at the banquet, Lady Fallacy replied, “I have spent all night in bed with a migrant!”

(Migrant … migraine … get it? It comes to something when I have to explain my own jokes! Keep up, will you?)

King Arthur thought, “good thing she is a widow, otherwise her husband would have been very angry about spending the night with a migrant!”

“And how do you feel now?” he asked her.

“Much better, thank you,” she replied, “some time I have one migrant in bed. Some other times I have two or more of them!”

“What stamina!” thought Arthur jealously.

“Would you like some coffee?” he asked offering her a cup.

 “Oh no … thanks,” she replied, “coffee … it is bad for the migrants … it is better to have the camomile tea!”

By this time, the poor King’s little brain was doing somersaults in his head.

And the moral of the story, (so far), is: A migrant might cure a migraine but an aspirin is much better.

14 comments:

  1. Yes an aspirin is much, much better.

    Have a fabulous day and weekend, Victor. 😎

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    1. Thank you Sandee.

      Wishing you a splendid weekend. God bless.

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  2. Only you could be inventive and clever enough to use the migraine/migrant mix up, Victor! Thank you, as always, for the laughs. Also, Danny said to tell you that there is a little "flag" on this new mailbox; it's just not very noticeable, as I didn't even see it!
    Blessings!

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    1. Glad you liked my humour, Martha. I'll think up more episodes of the alternative Camelot. Thank you fro your info about mail boxes. There are so many things different between our countries.

      God bless always.

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  3. Sounds to me like she was a little indulgent...several in the same night. So glad you cleared that up...almost as confusing as a fig bar recipe...HaHa. Love you blog!!
    Laughter makes the world go round.

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    1. Laughter keeps me amused too, Wanda. Ideas come up in my head and I put them into words. Glad my readers enjoy them ... I hope.

      God bless you.

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  4. LOL, your imagination has gone wild. :) Thanks for the laughs!

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    1. So pleased you enjoyed this episode, Bill. My imagination was all over the place when I wrote it.

      God bless.

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  5. Hahahaha! First I was smiling, mulling which 'throne' you had in mind ... but the migrane/migrant made me laugh out loud.
    BTW, I so enjoyed your 'conversation' with Martha Jane about the mailbox!

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    1. It's good to hear you laugh out loud, Mevely. Hopefully, I'll think up another episode for tomorrow.

      Surprising how many things are different between the US and the UK. We don't have mail boxes on the side-walk over here. You can have a private mail box at the Post Office, it is usually a numbered box with no name. Like: Box 178 Manchester. The mail is kept there and you go to collect it. You have to pay for the mail box too.

      God bless.

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  6. Never met a migrant with a migraine, although i know it happens.

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