Saturday, 11 July 2020

Camelot - The No-Pants Warrior


And so it came to pass that with every day King Arthur grew a little wiser with the secret potion which Merlin put in his food a few drops a day. And his wisdom was welcomed and enjoyed throughout Camelot as the Kingdom prospered and with it its citizens.

Then one day word came to the young King’s ear that a Scottish clan leader named Angus Withnae Pants was entertaining a French soldier named Marcel Le Trebuchet.

Angus Withnae Pants had long eyed the Kingdom of Camelot and wanted to take the throne and unite the country with Scotland. His anger and hatred dated back many years since Uther, King Arthur’s father, had started a rumour that Angus does not wear anything under his kilt.

The rumours soon spread throughout Scotland to the point that it became the main talking point of interest amongst the people, rather than concentrate on more pressing matters like the economy, education, health, defence or any of the other matters of State that politicians and the people should be interested and concerned about.

Whenever Angus, was interviewed by a reporter, the question was always asked about what he wears under his kilt, if anything. It irritated Angus all the more when the reporter was a woman and asked the question with a glint in her eyes.

Angus had no way of answering the question, nor prove the point one way or another. Thus losing face, dignity, and whatever else a man in his position would lose by settling the matter once and for all visually rather than verbally.

So he turned his pent-up anger against Camelot, even though King Uther had died long ago and the young Arthur succeeded him to the throne.

He called for help from the French fighter and warrior, Marcel Le Trebuchet.

Le Trebuchet was a juggler and knife thrower who gained fame by throwing knives, swords, axes, chairs, tables and even stones at his enemies. He became a famous soldier in his native France by vanquishing many enemies of the King Louis-le-Fier.

Meanwhile in Camelot, King Arthur called all his Knights for a conference round the Round Table. Even Sir Cumference was there, whose circumference was greater than that of the Round Table, so much so that the Knights sat around him rather than round the table. Also Sir Loin turned up with a cut of meat named after him; whilst Sir Brisket did not turn up at all.

King Arthur asked all the delegates and noblemen gathered there what they knew or had heard about this Frenchman, Marcel Le Trebuchet.

Apparently, he was invincible because he possessed a straight boomerang.

In those days, like now, all boomerangs grew slightly bent. This is deliberate so that when you throw them they return to you.  

All boomerangs are slightly bent.

Except one.

The one owned and carried by Marcel Le Trebuchet. His was straight as straight could be and it gave him super powers against all who stood in his way.

Rumours were that the straight boomerang had magical powers which made Trebuchet invincible, and strong, and powerful, and undefeatable, and anything else you might wish to consider, or claim, if you had this boomerang and wanted to frighten your opponents into total submission.

Now King Arthur, having grown wise over the past few days, had a dilemma on his hands.

Like his father, he abhorred magic, and had banned it from Camelot. Yet, here is a man with a potent straight boomerang able to use magic against Camelot and most likely defeat its armies and take over the Kingdom.

What could he possibly do?

Fight fairly against Angus Withnae Pants, and Marcel Le Trebuchet, with their banned magical boomerang, and possibly lose the battle and his Kingdom?

Or resort to magic himself, by summoning any warlocks, witches or wizards in Camelot to come to the Kingdom’s aid. He could promise them a full pardon had they ever used magic beforehand. And anyway, would any such people come forward, or would they be suspicious it is a trick to identify them and putting them to death.

“To boomerang or not to boomerang!” as the Poet Ricochet had prophesied years before.

The Knights of the Round Table gave their views on the matter. Some wanted to fight fair and trust their power and justice to beat the enemy at their door. Whilst others were literally wetting themselves and wanted to resort to any magic trick available to beat Mr No Pants from Scotland and his French throwing tantrums ally.

They all had an opinion, except Sir Cumference who had another piece of venison pie and a large tankard of mead. Hence the formula to measure the circumference of a circle is pie multiplied by D. (Geometrical joke!)

King Arthur, in his newly gained wisdom, relied on his honesty and integrity and decided that he would not use magic whatsoever.

“Better to fight and lose fairly,” he said, “than to betray one’s principles and use magical powers!”

History will no doubt judge in years to come whether this was an act of great wisdom and bravery or sheer stupidity.

Meanwhile, Merlin the young wizard, who was sitting quietly in the corner listening, had other ideas in mind.

And the moral of the story, (so far), is: It is good to have principles. But if they don’t work out for you then get some new principles instead.

14 comments:

  1. Here I go again, pronouncing some of these names out-loud and confusing the dogs. :) This attempted take-over of which you speak sounds frighteningly akin to our current political climate. Praying now!

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    1. When you pronounce the names, Mevely, do you do it in the proper accent - Angus Withnae Pants (in broad Scottish), or Marcel Le Trebuchet, (in Parisian French). I'd like to see your dogs faces when you speak in these accents.

      God bless you my smiling friend.

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  2. I wonder what it is that Merlin has in mind? Looking forward to reading more of the story, Victor.
    Blessings!

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    1. I'm wondering too, Martha. I just write things without knowing what happens next. I hope to have another episode for Monday. Tomorrow, (Sunday), will be a Christian post.

      God bless you.

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  3. My dear friend, I am not ignoring you but I am unable to read very much right now.I am unable to focus my eyes for very long and my right eye goes blurry on me. It is quite frustrating but I refuse to see a doctor in this time of Coved-19.

    God's Blessings Victor 💮

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    1. I am so sorry to hear your news, Jan. Praying fro you right now. Please, please seek medical attention. Ring them first. They may have a safe way to see you. I know here in the UK opticians and dentists have started to see patients safely again. Trust in God my dear friend.

      God bless.

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  4. Getting some new principles might be the smart way to go. It can't hurt. :)

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    1. I change my principles every day. In fact I am a man of principles. Many of them.

      God bless, Bill.

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  5. Is changing principles every day like changing underwear every day...But then I guess if you wear a kilt...it doesn't matter.haha.. Another fun story and play on words. You are the master with words.

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    1. The thing is, Wanda, what is the point of having principles that could get you in difficulties and trouble when others don't agree with you. It's easier to change principles.

      So glad you enjoyed this psot.

      God bless you always.

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  6. The school can change pricipals, but i don't want to change principles.

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    1. What about a principal with no principles? He would be a principleless principal.

      God bless, Mimi.

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