Look folks, far be it for me to spread panic and alarm through the Internet. There are already so many scare stories these days like sightings of aliens from outer space, ghosts, the Loch Ness Monster, Big Foot, the Umbilical Snow Man, UFOs that abduct people and big cats roaming the countryside attacking sheep and cattle and so on ... you don't need me to add to the list.
Our TV these days is full of programs of such scare stories that keep me awake at night nursing a bottle of whisky. There was a program the other day about a huge fierce wolf the size of a house with two heads and three backsides to make him go faster.
Why do they show programs like these? Are we meant to take them seriously?
Anyway, all that aside, I feel it is my duty to just mention two local reports from around here and leave it to you to believe them or not.
There have been no actual sightings in the first story; just evidence that leads one to believe what one wants to believe. Suffice it to say that locally it has been called the "Monster".
It seems that this "Monster" eats bicycles. There have been at least three bicycles and one motorbike eaten recently in this town. All that was left of the bikes was the wheels and tires. The frames were totally eaten and you can see what looks like teeth marks from the photos in the newspapers.
One of the bicycles was chained to metal railings. The bike was eaten but not the metal railings. Experts believe that they taste different perhaps. The frame of the motorbike was also eaten but not the wheels and seat.
These are only rumours substantiated by the evidence of items being chewed and eaten. One moment the bicycles were parked in the street, (one was in the back garden of a house), and the next morning only the remains were there as evidence.
The second story, also local, is somewhat similar in nature. There have also been reports of underwear hanging on the line to dry being eaten by giant moths the size of a golf ball. Only the elastic bands remained.
This has proved very distressing to the ladies of our local Can Can Dance Troupe. They are very famous in this Northern town of Poole.