UFOs Ahoy!!!

Several of you seem to have some difficulty in believing what I write here. I don't know why, and I find that a little hurtful and somewhat disappointing; especially in view of the fact that I take great care and attention in researching the veracity and authenticity of every story and post I write.

Be that as it may, I feel it is my duty to make it known that there is an increase of UFO sightings throughout the world. Our TV here is full of programs of spaceships seen flying and also of human abductions. 

For some reason, most UFO sightings are near airports. I don't understand the reason for that and I would have thought that space aliens would choose a less busy place like out in the mountains or deserts so that they are not seen by anyone.

I once saw a UFO whilst waiting at the airport lounge for my aunt Gertrude to arrive from Australia. When I recognised it as a plane it became an IFO - Identified Flying Object.

Also, on a separate occasion, whilst fishing on Loch Ness in Scotland I saw a USO - Unidentified Sailing Object. Turned out it was a dolphin on holiday there. The people that were with me jumped off the boat to swim with a dolphin. I don't understand why people like to do that and pay great money for the experience. Personally, I'd like to cycle with a dolphin. If we humans took the trouble to learn to swim I don't see why dolphins can't learn to cycle. 

The worst unidentified thing you could ever meet, especially at night, is an UWO - Unidentified Walking Object. I remember meeting one late at night on my way back from the pub some years ago. It came walking towards me threateningly. Turned out to be my mother-in-law. It soon became an IWMIL - Identified Walking Mother-in-Law. I was so frightened I cried because I felt tears trickling down my legs.

Getting back to UFOs - you may well have heard of abductions. Usually these space aliens abduct an individual, take him in their spaceship and dissect him to see how he works and the size of his brain as well as other parts; then they put him together again and give him a tour of the spaceship. I don't understand that. Every abducted individual who tells his story can describe in some details the spaceship. 

There was a story some years ago about a woman who said that space aliens had turned her husband into raw potato French fries. One moment he was busy in the garden, and the next there was a pile of cut and peeled potato bits. 

She rang the police and they advised her to fry him in oil and serve him with bacon, beans and eggs. 

Finally, let me confess that I have actually seen and met a space alien; even though some or most of you do not believe in space aliens and UFOs. It was in day time, about twenty or so years ago, in central London.

He looked exactly like a human being, just like us, and was dressed in a three piece suit. He stopped me and spoke in perfect English. He had an extra ear on his forehead which I thought was strange. He said he wanted to phone home. I asked him where he was from and he said, "the Final Front Ear!"