Calling all friends

 

Hi everybody,

Let us welcome the New Year with a new venture we can all take part in. However small or big our contribution is.

Do you remember last November I suggested we create a new Blog/Website dedicated solely to Christian articles? 

The idea is that each of us would contribute one article every now and then relating our Christian journey, experience, or any subject we'd like to talk about regarding our faith and beliefs. 

The Blog/Website would be non-denominational. 

Here's a link to last November's post to refresh your memories: PLEASE CLICK HERE.

FAQs

 Can anyone submit articles?

Yes, all that is required is a short article encouraging people to learn more about God and His love for us.

What can we write about?

Anything; your journey into Christianity for instance. Or Faith, Trust, Beliefs, Worries, Fears, Sin, Forgiveness, Marriage, Divorce, Heaven, Hell ... the list is endless. Just write a short article of about 500 words maximum and send it to enquiries@holyvisions.co.uk We'll do the rest.

Do I have to be a member of Blogger?

No. You do not have to be a member of anything. You can visit the website when it is launched and comment as a Blogger member or anonymously if you wish. You can also see what others have said about your article and respond if you wish.

What is the commitment on my part?   

Nothing onerous. Just send in one article if you wish and that's it. Or send more articles - say monthly. Also visit the site and read other entries and comment if you wish.

You can ask others to send articles through you - like your Pastor, or friend or relative.

Also you can promote the site on your social media outlets like FB, X, Instagram and so on to encourage others to join in.  

How much does it cost to join in - to cover your expenses, labour costs etc...?

It costs nothing to join. We do not need any money. It is free.  

What's the next step?

Just register your interest at enquiries@holyvisions.co.uk and give us an email address where we can reach you back. 

We'll do the rest. We will publish the article on the Blog/Website with the contributor's name and we'll add a suitable photo/image; unless you wish to send your own photo.

REMEMBER -  You do NOT have to commit to any number of articles. 

Articles which have already appeared on your Blogs or social media would also be welcome as long as they are genuinely yours.

Here's a link to the website if you want to see what it looks like: CLICK HERE 

Come and join this great adventure of spreading God's Word together as a community in order to honour and serve Him.  

Thank you and God bless.

How was it for you?

 

Hello again my friends. I hope you had a happy joyful Christmas with plenty of fun and hilarity and whatever else you wished for.

We had a wonderful time with the family. 

It really is good to have the family visiting again eating our food, and guzzling our drinks and trampling everywhere with children running wild and disturbing my peace whilst watching "It's a Wonderful Life" on TV. 

And whilst I'm on the subject; could I record a plea to all TV Channels everywhere not to broadcast this film half way through the story. 

Over the years, I must have seen this film a dozen times and it is always almost half-way through when the angel shows James Stewart what the world would be like if he had not existed. I don't know what the storyline is all about. All I know is that this fellow wanted to kill himself. Perhaps he had the family come round for Christmas and disturb his peace.

Seriously, I really love my family. If it was not for them I would be arguing with complete strangers. 

This year we invited Uncle Pinhead. We call him that because his head is too small in proportion to his body. He doesn't say much. He sat by the fire whistling quietly to himself. 

"Would you like a drink Uncle?" "No thanks!" he replied. "How about some turkey, roast potatoes and other goodies?" "No thanks!" he repeated. "A piece of cake then?" "No thanks!" he smiled and continued whistling tunelessly. So I gave him a few bird seeds to keep him quiet.

Auntie Carty Ledge was also there knitting as usual. I said, "That's a nice violet colour you are knitting." "It's not violet," she corrected, "it's mauve! My Dad invented the colour mauve," she added. "My Mom was buying a dress and she said it's a nice colour, what's it called? Dad was in a hurry to get home so he said, come along woman ... move! Mom said, mauve is a lovely colour and bought the dress!"

She told me she was knitting underwear for the whole family. Can you imagine? Underpants made of knitted wool? I hope mine are not mauve!

Uncle Ivor Rowbottom was there too. He's such a mean and avaricious man. Years ago he told his children that Santa had met with an accident and would not be bringing toys that year. Fortunately, his wife had bought the kids many presents. 

One good thing about having the family around for Christmas is that you do not have those awkward "break-the-ice" moments when you talk inanely about the weather. You can just pick up the argument straight-away from where you left off the last time you met.

Families help you reminisce on old times. You may not remember what you had for breakfast but I bet you remember every detail of ten years ago when you met your cousin Cynthia Carbuncle at your sister's wedding and she made a sarcastic comment about your dress and the fact that you'd put on some weight. 

Should the both of you be fortunate enough to meet up one day in Heaven, you'll remind her of her comment that day. You'll repeat her every word in all details.

With the family around you have to refine your acting skills. You "Oooooh!" and "Wow!" every time you open a present and discover it's another pair of socks or woolly hat that some demented relative has knitted for you. 

There's no way I'll be seen in public in this stupid woolly hat with a pom pom on top. 

Why is it that when we have finished the meal and we sit down in front of the TV everyone talks throughout the program? 

TVs are made for watching in silence. 

Invariably someone would say something inane like, "Doesn't this actor look like George Snotgrass? Remember him? He was expelled from school for farting in class!" 

And to make matters worse, as we finally settled to watch the football there was a knock at the door. It was a friend of ours with her five kids. 

My wife welcomed them in (Why?) and said, "What did Santa get you for Christmas?" 

"A drum, a trumpet, a flute, a clarinet, a tambourine!"

"Really? You should have brought them with you!"

"We have !!!" 

All in all, Christmas is a time for family and friends, good food and drinks, and feigning good humour and happiness that we are together once again.

I would not have it any other way!

DISCLAIMER - This article was written for entertainment value only. Members of my family should in no way take it seriously. I really love having you around. But please; no more socks and woolly hats! Or underwear.

Flushed with success

 

Well the New Year did not exactly start with a flush of success. We had people round for New Year's Eve and most used the downstairs bathroom. I don't like visitors using our upstairs bathroom and play with my toy duck!

After First Footing we all gathered round the fire and sang Auld Lang Syne.

First Footing is a Scottish tradition that just after midnight on New Year’s Eve the first person to enter a house would bring good fortune for the coming year. 

The "first footer" is often a stranger, (neighbour or friend), who would bring with him some coin which represents financial stability, some bread for food throughout the year, salt to represent flavour, a piece coal for warmth and a drink, usually whisky, for good cheer.

Sometimes a member of the household, usually a male, would leave the house just before midnight, and then knock at the door and enter after midnight bearing the said gifts. 

As we sat down to eat and drink, the first footer came to me and whispered, "just been to your toilet old boy ... it's blocked!"

I went to the toilet and there, inside the toilet seat, was the biggest hippopotamus you ever did see.

At first I was afraid ... 

I was petrified! 

Kept thinking I could never live ... 

With a hippo by my side.

I didn't know whether to call a plumber or Pest Control.

I was concerned it might bite people where they don't want to be bitten. Can you imagine the Insurance Claim: "I was bit on the backside by a hippo in the toilet!"

I stepped back and said "Shoo ... shoo ..." like you would a cat or other creature. But he did not move. His head was sticking out of the toilet bowl and he stayed there looking at me.

I picked up the toilet brush, which in our poor household consists of a hedgehog tied to a stick of wood. 

I tried to push the hippo back with the brush; but the hedgehog did not like it one bit. He untied himself from the stick and said he'd resign from this **** job.

I pushed the hippo with the stick. He just picked up the stick in my hand and threw it back at me.

I phoned the Pest Control people. They arrived within the hour. The man searched in his book about various pests and vermin but could not find anything about hippos.

I asked him how could a hippo just appear in our toilet from nowhere. He said that he was probably holidaying over here and took the wrong turning by mistake. He must have come in through the window and wanted to cool off in the water.

The plumber called about an hour later but would not do any work until the Pest Control man got rid of the hippo.

I called the Animals Welfare people. They care for animals. They turned up and said they'll supervise to see that the hippo is removed humanely and with consideration.

All in all, none would volunteer to remove the hippo from our toilet. 

As you can tell. I am having difficulties ending this story which still leaves me with a hippo in the bathroom downstairs.

Any suggestions or comments would be greatly appreciated. Thanx.

HOPPY GNU EAR

 

HOPPY GNU EAR TO ALL OUR READERS

 

AND THIS IS

THE FINAL FRONT EAR  

 

Let us welcome 2026 - may it be better than last year and may all our readers be blessed.

Traditionally this is the time to make new resolutions for the year ahead. Ideally, these should be targeted, achievable, and measurable. 

 

Targeted - because they address a particular cause or issue you wish to address.

 

Achievable - because there's no point in having a resolution you cannot keep. Like, by the end of the year I'll be an astronaut. Forget it ... it won't happen!

 

Measurable - because you can tell how you're progressing and to ensure you don't give up.

 

For this year, my New Year's resolution is to carry a potato or two in my pockets at all time.  

Targeted - Because potatoes have eyes but they cannot see. Those little white buds from a potato are the beginning of new growth. They are called eyes. But they don't look at you and judge you and reprimand you when you do wrong. They are a reminder that we too should not judge others. In a potato the eyes are the beginning of new shoots/roots - new growth. Another reminder that we too should grow everyday in wisdom as well as in humour.

Achievable - Easy, potatoes are cheap and fit well in one's trouser pockets. 

 

Measurable - The potatoes are either there or not! 

 

My Resolution last year (2025) was to learn to play the harmonica ...

... just for YOU.

 

A SUGGESTED RESOLUTION FOR YOU  

It's a wonderful life

 

I've just seen "It's A Wonderful Life" on TV. 

Can you imagine what your life would have been like if it was not this life you are living now?

You are all probably married, or not. With children and grand-children. Or not. Doing this job, or that. Or not. 

You are living your lives now. But how would it have been if it was a different life? Have you ever thought about that?

In a different life I would probably have been working in a zoo rather than in management in a multi-national organisation.

I've always loved animals, although they have not always loved me. 

I like horses. I spent a fortune on sick horses. Mind you, I did not know they were sick when I bet on them to win the race.

I lost a girl-friend because of animals. I told her I worked with animals. She found out I was a butcher and left me. 

I once helped a hedgehog which was trapped in amongst some thorns in the garden. In helping him I got injured with his needles and had to go to hospital where a nurse injected me with medicines in case of infection. 

This not only proves that I like animals, but it is also a reminder that you should always wear clean underwear, because you never know when you'll show your backside to a complete stranger!  

Why is it that our dog poops in the garden and I am the one who has to clear it up, and not him? Is this more proof of my love for animals?

But let's go back to where I started. "It's A Wonderful Life". 

How would your life have been different if it was not as it is today?

Mary's Boy Child

 

BONEY M - 1978 

MAY GOD BLESS ALL VISITORS TO THIS BLOG

 

Thank you dear friends

 

Vic M

A Christmas Message

 

Dear friends,

Let us first of all thank the Lord for yet another year together. I am truly grateful to all of you who have visited me here whether you left a comment or not. Over the past year, and before that even, we have exchanged news, shared jokes and have come together in prayers and friendship. For this I thank you.

I pray that you all have a very blessed Christmas with family and friends or even if you are alone; and may our Lord be always by your side giving you comfort, protection and love at all times.

God bless you all.

 

 

I watch the sunrise

 

.

 

FATHER FRANCIS MAPLE

 

His website link 

I watch the sunrise lighting the sky,
Casting its shadows near.
And on this morning bright though it be,
I feel those shadows near me.

 

But you are always close to me
Following all my ways.
May I be always close to you
Following all your ways, Lord.

 

I watch the sunlight shine through the clouds,
Warming the earth below.
And at the mid-day, life seems to say:
I feel your brightness near me.

 

For you are always close to me
Following all my ways.
May I be always close to you
Following all your ways, Lord.

 

I watch the sunset fading away,
Lighting the clouds with sleep.
And as the evening closes its eyes,
I feel your presence near me.

 

For you are always close to me
Following all my ways.
May I be always close to you
Following all your ways, Lord.

 

I watch the moonlight guarding the night,
Waiting till morning comes.
The air is silent, earth is at rest
Only your peace is near me.

 

Yes, you are always close to me
Following all my ways.
May I be always close to you
Following all your ways, Lord.

 

 May I be always close to you
Following all your ways, Lord.

Poker Faced Dog

 

I have taught our dog to play poker. I'll give him that; he can keep a straight face. 

We don't play for money. Just dog biscuits.

To be honest, he is a useless player. Whenever he has a good hand of cards he wags his tail enthusiastically.

 For the past week I've been eating dog biscuits.

It's Christmas Time

As we approach Christmas we tend to visit family and friends and have gatherings usually at weekends. There's about four or five such gatherings leading on to Christmas day itself.

It was our turn last weekend and we had about a dozen people around.

As everyone was cheerful and merry I remembered an old lady who lives alone a few houses down the road.

No one ever seems to visit her. No family. No friends. No neighbours. No one.

Can you imagine that? Being all alone in her home at Christmas with no one with her. I felt sorry for her.

So I put on my coat and walked down to her house and asked her if we could borrow some of her chairs.

She refused.

What a selfish person. No wonder she is all alone at Christmas!

OK ... I AM JOKING

YOU LOT SHOULD STOP TAKING ME SERIOUSLY!

The Wedding Experience

 

 We attended a wedding recently.

 At the usual point in the ceremony the priest asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom, as it was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace.

 

He waited for a few seconds and then said, "All right ... All right ... One at a time. Don't all speak at once!"

 

Sorry folks ... this is my sense of humour coming to the fore. It didn't happen that way.

 

I really should take ceremonies like this seriously. Which incidentally was exactly what I was told at my grandfather's funeral when I complained I could not get WiFi Internet connection in church to see the football results.

 

I really liked my grandfather. He told me once, "Never ever take advice from anyone!" So I ignored him.

 

I remember visiting him on his death bed in hospital. He said he was glad he was dying peacefully without a lot of people shouting and screaming and wailing around him as happened to his dad when he drove a bus over a cliff.

 

I had brought him a bunch of grapes. As he laid there reminiscing about his life I picked one grape at a time and ate it. Eventually I finished the whole bunch. 

 

He looked at the empty plate and mumbled "Selfish!" and died. And that's how I became a fishmonger.

 

Anyway, back to my wedding story. The priest asked if anyone had anything to say about the couple due to be married and waited.

 

The moment of utter silence was broken by a young beautiful woman carrying a child. She started walking toward the priest slowly. Everything quickly turned to chaos. 

 

People turned round and murmured to each other.  

 

The bride turned round and felt a little wobbly. A bridesmaid led her to a nearby pew to sit down.

 

The groom's mother fainted. 

 

The groom and the best-man started giving each other looks and wondering how best to help save the situation. 

 

The priest asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward?"

 

The woman replied, "We can't hear at the back." 

 

 *******

 

 Incidentally, at our own wedding some people thought it would be fun to spray our car with shaving foam. You know the one ... ready-made foam that comes out of a spray can. I pretended it was fun and we drove off.

 

The next day the foam had damaged the car's paintwork.

 

Can you imagine what this foam does to one's face. I have not shaved since. 

 

Yesterday I tripped on my beard and fell down the stairs.

Remembering childhood's Christmas

 

Years ago, as a child, I had my heart set on a train set for Christmas. You know the one I mean? A beautiful steam locomotive all shining in black, pulling an open container full of coal, and this pulling a carriage with people clearly visible through the windows. The set included a number of rails which when linked together would make a large circle; and you could also buy various accessories like a railway station, ticket office, more rails, carriages and so on.

I'd imagined buying all the additional accessories with my pocket money and building a rail network that would be the envy of any transport system you could think of.

I wrote several letters to Father Christmas explaining precisely which train set I was after, and pointing out that I had been a good boy all year round; just in case he didn't know.

On Christmas day I did not get that train set at all. Instead, my auntie had knitted me a pullover and a little train locomotive. I mean ... is she mad or what? 

A knitted train locomotive? I ask you ... how can you get a train locomotive made of wool and stuffed with pieces of cotton to go round and round? She didn't even knit me a set of rails!

I always wondered about the sanity of that woman. 

She must have been light-brained and a few tomatoes short of a salad, as they say. She was always knitting something. Tea cosies to keep the teapot warm, hats or bonnets to keep our heads warm, scarves to keep our neck warm, gloves and mittens, socks and booties to keep our hands and feet warm.

On another Christmas she knitted us all pencils and pens pullovers. Let me explain. She knitted long thin tubes the length of a pencil with different colour wool. A bit like the sleeve of your jumper or jersey but much smaller. The idea is that you push your pencil or pen through the tubes to keep them warm.

Is she mental or what? Do pencils feel the cold perchance?

Another year I asked my Father for a computer for my Birthday. He gave me a packet of crayons instead. He said he couldn't buy me a computer because it hadn't been invented yet!

To be fair, he was right. Computers hadn't been invented until years later. But a packet of crayons is hardly a substitute is it? He could have bought me a laptop or a tablet!

I asked my Mom for a helmet or hard hat for when I go out on my bicycle. I didn't have a bicycle at the time, but I was always forward thinking ... you know, just in case one day I got a bike. Instead she bought me a set of non-stick frying pans.

I always seem to get the wrong gifts. When I got married, my wife and I decided that we did not want any gifts or presents at all. We wrote in the invitation letters that we'd like everyone to come along and enjoy a nice toast to "Love and Happy Life" ever after. 

On the day in question everyone turned up with a toaster as a gift. We had at least 150 of the kitchen appliances.

I suppose the most useful present I was ever given was from my uncle when he gifted me a roll of double-sided sticky tape. I asked him why and he explained I could use the tape to pull back my sticking out ears. I had terrible sticking out ears as a child. I looked like a car with its doors open.

Eventually my parents sold our dog and the lawnmower to pay for my ears to be operated on. I had the operation on one ear. Unfortunately the doctor died shortly afterwards.

So now I have an ear looking normal and the other still sticking out. At the slightest breeze I spin round like a hotel revolving door.

Have you ever had a well-meaning gift which did not quite fit with what you had in mind?