Some people snore in their sleep. Others talk in their sleep. Whilst
others indeed walk in their sleep. I knew someone who used to eat in his
sleep. He'd wake up in the morning and find he'd eaten half a pillow.
He also often dreamt he was at a marshmallow factory. But that's another
story.
What I want to tell you is about myself ... rather embarrassing, but ... here goes ...
I ... it seems ... so I am told ... apparently ... sing and tell jokes in my sleep.
The other night, I understand, I was singing songs from the musical
Oklahoma. A few days ago it was "Old McDonald had a farm"! I was practicing my vowels ... I said vowels ... "E ... I ... E ... I ... O"
I then tend
to lean forwards as if receiving tumultuous applause and recognition
from an appreciative audience - a standing ovation no less.
What is worse, it seems, is that I also tell jokes. Original ones.
Now years ago, I used to compare variety shows to raise money for
charity and I often did stand-ups telling jokes and introducing the next
act. So I can see how such distant memories can now trigger and replay
from my sub-conscious into my dreams. What I find interesting is that
my brain seems to make up new jokes which I enjoy and then include in my
Blog posts.
However, what I find somewhat disconcerting is that my dreams also seem
to involve you ... yes you ... my loyal and very welcome readers.
It seems that when I sing or tell jokes I also name you in my
repertoire. I say something like, "I hope you have enjoyed this song
(name)." Or "Now I am sure that (name) will enjoy this joke ..." and I
proceed to tell the joke.
As you can imagine, naming people in one's dreams is somewhat
embarrassing and it has been difficult explaining who all these real
people from my virtual Internet world are. Obviously, I've never met
you, and do not really know you. So how come you are featuring in my
private dreams?
And it's not just you. The other day I dedicated a song to Eleanor, who
happens to be our neighbour's dog; and also to Christina his pet parrot.
So my real world and my virtual Internet world are combining with songs and jokes in my dream world with embarrassing results.
I went to see my doctor about this intriguing phenomenon. She asked me whether I ever mention her in my sleep. I said, "No."
She was very upset and asked, "Why? Am I not as attractive or as interesting as all those other people?"
She got very jealous that my dreams seem to prefer you and a dog and parrot but not her. After a bit of a heated discussion where I tried to re-assure
her that she was just as important as all of my friends and animals, she
calmed down a little and gave me some horse pills which a vet friend of
hers gave her for nightmares.
The problem is that the pills are the size of golf balls. OK I suppose
for a horse; but too large for me to swallow. So I grind the pills using
a pestle and mortar and dilute them in plenty of water.
As you can imagine. Taking those horse pills with gallons of water has had side effect.
Being up in the bathroom all night has stopped my vivid dreams.
OK ... better stop here. Have you heard the one about ... ... ...