Friday, 27 November 2020

Man And God

 

MAN AND GOD

ISBN-13 : 979-8566100388

An easy to read no-nonsense book exploring the many questions we may have asked about God and our role as His creations. Questions like: Who is God? Jesus? The Holy Spirit? Does He really care for us and love us? If so, why do we suffer? Why are so many bad things happening in the world? Is God really in control? Does He answer prayers and perform miracles? Who are Angels and devils? What is sin? These and other topics are discussed in a relaxed simple style.

“Man And God” will make you think about life, about yourself, why God has created you, and your role in this life … and the next.

Suitable for anyone wishing to learn more about Christianity, or for those who may have perhaps wandered from the faith and wish to discover more about themselves in relation to God.

WE ALL KNOW SOMEONE 

WHO WOULD BENEFIT 

FROM THIS BOOK

Same price as a cup of coffee - this book could change your life.

AMAZON LINK HERE

Thursday, 26 November 2020

Happy Thanksgiving

 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING
TO ALL
MY FRIENDS

 

Wednesday, 25 November 2020

The Flute


The other day in church, for no apparent reason, unless it was just to annoy me, there was a lady in the choir playing the flute. You know the one I mean? A wooden tube about 12 inches long with a lot of holes in it and you blow at one end to produce the most horrendous of sounds. Silent was the usual musical organ, and the occasional guitars we have every few Sundays. Today it was just that woman with a flute accompanied by a choir singing like a load of amorous cats on heat at night. I am sure God did not deserve such a cacophony.

When I got home I searched the Internet for the origin of the flute. Apparently, it dates thousands of years and in very ancient times it was a favourite amongst shepherds who used to play it at night to pass away the time whilst guarding their socks ... flox ... sheep! Unfortunately, as the shepherds played their flutes rather badly, a bit like the woman in the choir today, the sheep thought that he had a lung obstruction which made him wheeze as he breathed, so they all bleated in sympathy. Consequently, their bleating attracted the wolves from far and wide who thought there was a self-service restaurant serving nice lamb for free.

It took quite some time for the slow-witted shepherds to make the connection that their flute playing made the sheep bleat which in turn invited the wolves for dinner. So the practice of shepherds playing the flute eventually died away.

However, this was not the case in church the other day. That woman was determined to ruin everyone of my favourite hymns as she screeched out of tune making God reach out for the headache tablets.

Perhaps next week I should bring a few sheep to church to supplement the out-of-tune choir.

Tuesday, 24 November 2020

Je suis an Artiste

 

I have always wished I'd been on the stage ... some would think the first one out of town. But seriously, I think I would have made a great theatre actor, or in films even, if I had not been busy working hard for a multi-national in London and climbing the management ladder.

Oh well, famous actors like Ian McKellen, Laurence Olivier, Ralph Fiennes and Patrick Stewart could well have been joined by me if only I'd been discovered, you know.

I did, however, in my young days, spend quite some spare time on the stage. Presenting variety shows, acting in comedy sketches, and writing them of course. And even performing great roles in some Shakespearean plays no less.

I was a member of an amateur dramatic troupe which put on performances attended by at least fifty to a hundred people.

I remember a performance of the Scottish play. (You're not meant to say the word Macbeth unless you're on stage). Lady Macbeth was played by a young Spanish girl-friend of mine.  

I can hear her dulcet tones right now. 

"Ole zee par fumes of Arrabeeya vill notte sweetened zees littell hand. Oh, Oh, Oh! I steel 'ave zee smella offa beelod on my hand."

We were an international troupe of well-meaning amateurs set on making inroads into the world of theatre and confuse the audience at every venue we performed at.

I recall a short Italian Hamlet reading the famous lines which he could not remember by heart.

"Too bee, or notte too bee, zat eez ze questiona
Whezer eez ze nobla in ze mind to suffer
Ze slingess and ze arrowes of outta rageous fortuna,
Or too taker arms against a sea of trouble
And by opposinger enda zem. Todaay  — too sleepa ..."

And so it went on.

I had some leading roles too. In the play The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe I played the left door of the wardrobe. I swivelled to the right to simulate the door opening and to the left to close the wardrobe. Our theatre director said at the time I was made for the role. It was a wooden performance and he could not imagine anyone famous like Olivier or McKenna doing the role justice.

In Cinderella I played one of the mice which changes into a horse to pull the carriage. In Goldilocks and the Three Bears I was the table upon which the bowls of porridge were put. And in To Kill A Mocking Bird I was told I could not play the role of the bird because none featured in the play. That is a pity because for days I'd been practicing bird impressions by eating worms! Although I understand in the film they gave the role to someone called Peck who plays the role of a finch.

We did musicals too. In South Pacific, when they sang, "There is nothing like a dame", I was one of the palm trees swinging left and right to the music. 

So you see my friends. I could have been famous. I could have been the auto-mobile in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, or the hills alive in the Sound of Music, or Pinocchio's nose. 

But then ... I would not have met such great friends like you!

Monday, 23 November 2020

POTATOES

 

One of my teachers had each one of us bring a clear plastic bag and a sack of potatoes.

For every person, we'd refuse to forgive in our life, we were told to choose a potato, write on it the name and date, and put it in the plastic bag.  Some of our bags, as you can imagine, were quite heavy.

We were then told to carry this bag with us everywhere for one week, putting it beside our bed at night, on the car seat, next to our desk at work.

The hassle of lugging this around with us made it clear what a weight we were carrying spiritually, and how we had to pay attention to it all the time to not forget, and keep leaving it in embarrassing places.

Naturally, the condition of the potatoes deteriorated to a nasty slime.  This was a great metaphor for the price we pay for keeping our pain and heavy negativity!

Too often we think of forgiveness as a gift to the other person, and while that's true, it clearly is also a gift for ourselves!

So, the next time you decide you can't forgive someone, ask yourself...

Isn't MY bag heavy enough?

Sometimes you don't realize the weight of a burden you are carrying until you set it aside and feel the strength returning to your arms.


Sunday, 22 November 2020

Father Ignatius Visits The Cellar

 

The basement under the church had been emptied of the junk which had accumulated over the years. Some young volunteers had painted the walls and ceiling of the three reclaimed rooms and corridor, and an electrician had connected the whole downstairs to the mains electricity.

The intention was to turn two rooms into meeting rooms and the third into a small kitchenette allowing people to make a cup of tea and prepare refreshments.

Father Ignatius ventured downstairs to check on progress.

Tom was alone busily tiling the floor. He had chosen pink and white tiles to match the colour of the rest of the room.

"Things are improving down here …” commented Father Ignatius as he stood by the doorway.

“They sure are …” replied Tom turning down the volume of his radio a little.

“Are these tiles already fixed?” asked the priest.

“Yes … some are already cemented in and they’re drying out nicely … these others over there I’ve yet to cement … why do you ask?”

“Well … pardon me for saying so Tom,” hesitated Father Ignatius, “those tiles over in that area by the wall are not very even … some are a few millimeters higher than the others … enough that you would notice them from here where I’m standing … and they seem to have been placed haphazardly, rather than full square side by side … eh … forgive me Tom, perhaps I shouldn’t have mentioned it …”

“Oh don’t worry Father … no one will see them … I’ll be putting the kitchen cabinet here over them … so no one will know about my careless work …” chuckled Tom.

“Jesus will …” replied Father Ignatius quietly.

“Why … is He a works inspector now is He?” chuckled Tom again.

“Tom I’m very grateful to you for volunteering to do this work … this basement would not have been transformed so beautifully if it wasn’t for all you volunteers working together, clearing the old stuff that was here, painting the rooms and corridor and doing all this work … maybe I shouldn’t have said anything … please forgive me …”

“Oh don’t go away Father …” replied Tom as he got up from the floor to stretch his aching back, “if they’re that important to you I’ll fix those tiles again …”

“It’s not that Tom … I was just thinking … many people go through life enduring their job from day to day and treating it as a means to earn a living – and no more. I know you’re doing this for free … and I’m grateful to you and the other workers … but you know what I mean …

“And as time goes by, so does the pride people have in their work. They just do it as a job, and inevitably their standard of performance deteriorates.

“I feel that somehow this is an insult to God …”

“Hein?” mumbled Tom.

“Hear me out Tom … Whatever job we have to do in life, whether it is an influential position of power, a lawyer, doctor or a skilled worker using our hands to do something, like a factory worker for instance … surely our duty is to do the work properly … to the best of our ability. To give the task in hand all the attention and skill that we possess.

“As Jesus was growing up He worked with His father Joseph as a carpenter. Can you imagine Jesus making a table with a wobbly leg?”

Tom shook his head.

“Then why should we?” asked Father Ignatius, “Whatever task we have been given to do – let’s make sure it is not wobbly.”

Tom smiled silently.

“I’ll tell you what I’ll do” continued Father Ignatius, “I’ll leave now and I will not return until you have permanently fixed the kitchen cabinet over that area there. 

 

 Only you will know whether those tiles have been fixed properly or not … only you will know whether the hidden tiles under the cabinet are uneven and haphazardly laid down … or not!”

“Jesus too will know …” said Tom jokingly as the priest walked up the stairs out of the basement.

“That’s true … but I promise not to ask Him!” chortled Father Ignatius!

Saturday, 21 November 2020

VICTOR - Motivational Speaker

 

Hello folks and welcome to "Make Me A New Person" the most popular session in our motivational talks for enlightened and visionary people who want to start afresh in life and rise to bigger and better things.

The most important thing in life is to focus. Focus on who you are. What you are. And whatever else you want to be or do in life. Like the eagle who soars in the skies and can focus on his prey down below; you too should and could do the same. If only you could fly, and you liked eating pigeons, rabbits, snakes, rats and other vermin. 

So before you focus on being an eagle, think like an eagle. Ask yourself, do you like ratatouille? Or pigeon pie? And would you eat a dead rabbit covered in maggots? If not, then you need to change.

Yes my friends, we all need to change if we are to go ahead. We can start with our vests and underpants. When is the last time you changed yours? Be honest now. Remember, honesty is the best policy; but not when confiding in your spouse or girl-friend. Remember our motto:  

Say it with flowers
And chocolates too

Say it with jewellery

Or a good meal for two
Say it from the heart

Say what you think

But never be careless

And say it with ink

Right, we covered focussing, and changing who we are, and honesty. This is good stuff folks. It's what made me who I am today.

The next thing to consider is looking back. Never ever look back when you're moving forwards in life. I learnt this lesson the hard way when I walked into a lamp post, fell down the stairs, and on one occasion met the mother-in-law down a dark alley at night. 

Another thing to remember in life is perseverance. This means a persistent attitude to doing something despite setbacks and apparent failures. Well, my advice is, if at first you don't succeed suck something else instead. Sorry ... that was from another lecture I gave on throat lozenges.

Here's the right quote. If at first you don't succeed just give up. It is no point spending precious time and money doing something that will most probably not work anyway. Have the foresight of realising your failings and get on with doing something else instead. 

Look at me ... when I was at school I had failure written all over me. The other kids did it with their ball point pens. My teachers however said that I'd go down in history ... and geography, maths, science and practically everything else.

Did it worry me? No ... I forged on ahead and fulfilled their vision of me and became who I am. And in doing so I saved a lot of time and money trying something I'd fail at anyway. 

So, the lesson from this is - know your failures. It is no point cooking a lobster thermidor if you don't have any thermidors in the house. Just open a tin of sardines instead.

On which point, be like a sardine. Get yourself into your tin and leave the key outside. Sooner or later someone will open up and let you out.

Metaphorically speaking that is. What I mean is, do as little as possible in life. Make it obvious that you are not doing so well. Pretty soon some kind soul will have pity on you and help you anyway.

Either that, or marry Rich!