"What I'm sayin fella ... is that we'd be like robots with no brains to make a choice with. But as I said, if you were listening, God being kind and all that, gave us the freedom to choose ... that's a great gift which we often take for granted mate!”
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Tuesday, 30 June 2020
No one said it would be easy, cobber.
"What I'm sayin fella ... is that we'd be like robots with no brains to make a choice with. But as I said, if you were listening, God being kind and all that, gave us the freedom to choose ... that's a great gift which we often take for granted mate!”

Monday, 29 June 2020
I believe

Sunday, 28 June 2020
Time for Reflections

Saturday, 27 June 2020
I am not worthy

Friday, 26 June 2020
Perception is truth
It also signified that there was a notice on my wall and if you have perceived it then it is in fact there.
And that's the problem with perceptions. People see something and it is implanted in their minds.
And society copies what they perceive as the norm. Whenever people describe themselves in Dating or Match-Making websites they often gloss over the unflattering truth and describe themselves better than they really are.
As a young man I sent a dating agency one of my real life photos (untouched and not changed in any way). They returned it with a note saying: "We're not that desperate!"
Eventually I managed to get a date with a young lady through another agency. When I met the lady in question she said I did not look like the photo on the dating website. She said the photo looked as if it had been drawn by Picasso, and added, "I thought you had a cricked neck. And why in the photo do you have an ear on your forehead?"
I told her that as a fan of Star Trek this was the Final Front Ear!
Mind you, she was no picture of beauty herself. In fact she was so ugly that I guess Peeping Toms would ring her door bell and tell her to draw the curtains shut.
And that's perception, be it in a badly lit fast food outlet or in the bright light of day.
How about you? How do your family and friends perceive you?
More important. How does God perceive you? You can't fool Him you know.

Thursday, 25 June 2020
Camelot - Long Live The King Arthur
EPISODE ONE HERE
EPISODE TWO HERE
As young Prince Arthur became King of Camelot he needed a lot of guidance from the elderly warlock named Gaius; and more than a little amount of protection from the young wizard Merlin.
Gaius and Merlin dabbled a little in magic, even though Uther Pendragon, the previous King and father of Arthur, had expressly forbidden anyone from practicing magic in Camelot.
Gaius used his wisdom to advise King Arthur on matters of state; whilst Merlin, as instructed by the flying great dragon named Kilgharrah, had the task of protecting Arthur from his many enemies who wanted to kill him and take over Camelot.
Kilgharrah had told Merlin that his destiny was to protect Arthur and to save Camelot from falling in the wrong hands; but also he had warned him not to over-use his magical powers in doing so as there may well be unfortunate repercussions.
One day Gaius the old warlock had informed King Arthur to expect a visit from a French nobleman called Coeur de Fer, (or Iron Heart as translated in English). This is not to be confused with Lion Heart which is the name given to King Richard the Lion Heart; a totally different person altogether.
To continue, Arthur asked Gaius, “what does this Frenchman want from us anyway?”
“A union, Sire,” replied Gaius quietly.
“A Union?” cried Arthur, “we don’t have Unions in this Kingdom. There’s me as King, then the Noblemen and Knights and then the serfs; you know … the agricultural labourers who work in my fields. We can’t have Unions negotiating salaries and conditions of work. They’d be asking for holidays and sick-pay next!”
“It’s not that kind of Union,” continued Gaius quietly.
“What other Union is there,” cried the young petulant Arthur, “and why are you whispering man? Come on speak up!”
“I do not want to wake up the hounds,” said Gaius, “we should let sleeping dogs lie!”
“The hounds … the hounds … you’re always worried about the hounds, Gaius. Have you never heard of giving a dog a bone and it will keep him content for ages?” said Arthur.
“As I was saying,” continued Gaius patiently, “the French nobleman Coeur de Fer wishes to negotiate a union between Camelot and the Kingdom of France as led by King Louis-le-Fier!”
“What union does he have in mind?” asked Arthur.
“King Louis-le-Fier wishes you to accept his daughter’s hand, Sire!” explained Gaius.
“What? How cruel. Is the man mad? What am I to do with his daughter’s hand? Is he seriously considering cutting her hand off and sending it to me?” said the stupid Arthur.
“No Sire,” said Gaius patiently, “he wishes his daughter to have your name!”
“He wants to call her Arthur, and cut her hand off?” continued the stupid King.
At this point Merlin enters the King’s chambers and motions to Gaius not to respond.
“Let me explain,” he said to young and stupid King Arthur, “King Louis-le-Fier, has two daughters named Marge A’Reen and Marm A’Laid of whom he is very proud. Unless either of these twin sisters is married before he dies the Kingdom of France would then go to his evil cousin Pierre Péter, which translated in English means Peter the Farter.
“It is imperative under the rules of French succession to the throne that a monarch’s daughter must be married to inherit the throne.
“The King Louis-le-Fier, not having any male heirs, hence his wearing of a wig at all times, is keen to have either of his daughters wed before he dies.
“If Peter the Farter takes over as King of France there would be quite a stink all over the land; so much so that France may well have to go to war with its neighbours in Spain, Germany and Italy who do not get on with Peter the Farter.
“The Ruler of Spain, Senior Manuel Concertina and his beautiful wife Harmonica Melodica are already beating the war drums. They have had secret talks with the leader of Germany, a successful hairdresser turned politician called Herr Kutt; and his Chancellor the iron-fisted Herr Mitt, and the historian Herr Loom.
“They have agreed that should Peter the Farter become King of France they would ask the Emperor Mc Arony of Italy, and his trusted advisor Pasta-de-Vino to join them to war against France.
“So it is imperative, Sire,” continued Merlin whilst the old warlock Gaius had fallen asleep, “it is imperative that King Louis-le-Fier of France has either or both of his twin daughters marry an ally from Camelot.
“Namely you, Sire. In order to avoid Peter the Farter becoming King! And in order to avoid a possible war between France and its neighbours.”
“Ooooew!!!” said King Arthur trying to fathom out what he’d just been told.
“So … I have to marry both Marge A’Reen and Marm A’Laid. That’s bigamy surely!” said Arthur.
“It’s big of you and big of me too, were I to marry both women,” replied Merlin, “but I can handle them better than you!” then adding sotto voce “you thick flaming idiot!”
“What’s that you said?” asked Arthur.
“Oh nothing …” lied Merlin, “just imagine Sire. We’ll have a wonderful wedding celebration and after the party you’ll take Princess Marge A’Reen or Princess Marm A’Laid to your private chambers and have a lot of fun together!”
“Well, I hope either of them likes to play chess,” said Arthur, “It is not a game you can play alone is it?”
“Yes Sire,” said Merlin, “whatever games you play with your newly wedded wife is your affair.”
“There’s a problem though,” interrupted King Arthur, “this is a secret Merlin. Don’t tell anyone. In all truth I love Guinevere, and I’d rather marry her!”
“Oh …” hesitated the young wizard, “and have you seen her father?”
“Yes, but I’d still prefer to marry her,” replied the King.
Merlin sighed and then sotto voce again, “may the Lord preserve us and save Camelot from this idiot.”
And the moral of this story, (so far), is: Be ready to play games with your bride on your wedding night like chess, draughts or backgammon …but whatever you play is up to you and her.
Also as an additional moral: Beware. The penalty for bigamy is having two mothers-in-law.
APOLOGIES TO EVERYONE WHO HAD DIFFICULTY WITH THE ORIGINAL FONT
As young Prince Arthur became King of Camelot he needed a lot of guidance from the elderly warlock named Gaius; and more than a little amount of protection from the young wizard Merlin.
Gaius and Merlin dabbled a little in magic, even though Uther Pendragon, the previous King and father of Arthur, had expressly forbidden anyone from practicing magic in Camelot.
Gaius used his wisdom to advise King Arthur on matters of state; whilst Merlin, as instructed by the flying great dragon named Kilgharrah, had the task of protecting Arthur from his many enemies who wanted to kill him and take over Camelot.
Kilgharrah had told Merlin that his destiny was to protect Arthur and to save Camelot from falling in the wrong hands; but also he had warned him not to over-use his magical powers in doing so as there may well be unfortunate repercussions.
One day Gaius the old warlock had informed King Arthur to expect a visit from a French nobleman called Coeur de Fer, (or Iron Heart as translated in English). This is not to be confused with Lion Heart which is the name given to King Richard the Lion Heart; a totally different person altogether.
To continue, Arthur asked Gaius, “what does this Frenchman want from us anyway?”
“A union, Sire,” replied Gaius quietly.
“A Union?” cried Arthur, “we don’t have Unions in this Kingdom. There’s me as King, then the Noblemen and Knights and then the serfs; you know … the agricultural labourers who work in my fields. We can’t have Unions negotiating salaries and conditions of work. They’d be asking for holidays and sick-pay next!”
“It’s not that kind of Union,” continued Gaius quietly.
“What other Union is there,” cried the young petulant Arthur, “and why are you whispering man? Come on speak up!”
“I do not want to wake up the hounds,” said Gaius, “we should let sleeping dogs lie!”
“The hounds … the hounds … you’re always worried about the hounds, Gaius. Have you never heard of giving a dog a bone and it will keep him content for ages?” said Arthur.
“As I was saying,” continued Gaius patiently, “the French nobleman Coeur de Fer wishes to negotiate a union between Camelot and the Kingdom of France as led by King Louis-le-Fier!”
“What union does he have in mind?” asked Arthur.
“King Louis-le-Fier wishes you to accept his daughter’s hand, Sire!” explained Gaius.
“What? How cruel. Is the man mad? What am I to do with his daughter’s hand? Is he seriously considering cutting her hand off and sending it to me?” said the stupid Arthur.
“No Sire,” said Gaius patiently, “he wishes his daughter to have your name!”
“He wants to call her Arthur, and cut her hand off?” continued the stupid King.
At this point Merlin enters the King’s chambers and motions to Gaius not to respond.
“Let me explain,” he said to young and stupid King Arthur, “King Louis-le-Fier, has two daughters named Marge A’Reen and Marm A’Laid of whom he is very proud. Unless either of these twin sisters is married before he dies the Kingdom of France would then go to his evil cousin Pierre Péter, which translated in English means Peter the Farter.
“It is imperative under the rules of French succession to the throne that a monarch’s daughter must be married to inherit the throne.
“The King Louis-le-Fier, not having any male heirs, hence his wearing of a wig at all times, is keen to have either of his daughters wed before he dies.
“If Peter the Farter takes over as King of France there would be quite a stink all over the land; so much so that France may well have to go to war with its neighbours in Spain, Germany and Italy who do not get on with Peter the Farter.
“The Ruler of Spain, Senior Manuel Concertina and his beautiful wife Harmonica Melodica are already beating the war drums. They have had secret talks with the leader of Germany, a successful hairdresser turned politician called Herr Kutt; and his Chancellor the iron-fisted Herr Mitt, and the historian Herr Loom.
“They have agreed that should Peter the Farter become King of France they would ask the Emperor Mc Arony of Italy, and his trusted advisor Pasta-de-Vino to join them to war against France.
“So it is imperative, Sire,” continued Merlin whilst the old warlock Gaius had fallen asleep, “it is imperative that King Louis-le-Fier of France has either or both of his twin daughters marry an ally from Camelot.
“Namely you, Sire. In order to avoid Peter the Farter becoming King! And in order to avoid a possible war between France and its neighbours.”
“Ooooew!!!” said King Arthur trying to fathom out what he’d just been told.
“So … I have to marry both Marge A’Reen and Marm A’Laid. That’s bigamy surely!” said Arthur.
“It’s big of you and big of me too, were I to marry both women,” replied Merlin, “but I can handle them better than you!” then adding sotto voce “you thick flaming idiot!”
“What’s that you said?” asked Arthur.
“Oh nothing …” lied Merlin, “just imagine Sire. We’ll have a wonderful wedding celebration and after the party you’ll take Princess Marge A’Reen or Princess Marm A’Laid to your private chambers and have a lot of fun together!”
“Well, I hope either of them likes to play chess,” said Arthur, “It is not a game you can play alone is it?”
“Yes Sire,” said Merlin, “whatever games you play with your newly wedded wife is your affair.”
“There’s a problem though,” interrupted King Arthur, “this is a secret Merlin. Don’t tell anyone. In all truth I love Guinevere, and I’d rather marry her!”
“Oh …” hesitated the young wizard, “and have you seen her father?”
“Yes, but I’d still prefer to marry her,” replied the King.
Merlin sighed and then sotto voce again, “may the Lord preserve us and save Camelot from this idiot.”
And the moral of this story, (so far), is: Be ready to play games with your bride on your wedding night like chess, draughts or backgammon …but whatever you play is up to you and her.
Also as an additional moral: Beware. The penalty for bigamy is having two mothers-in-law.

Wednesday, 24 June 2020
Not so close encounter of the priestly kind

Tuesday, 23 June 2020
The Truth about Aliens from Outer Space
And why is it people sometimes say they have been abducted by aliens in UFOs and then lived to tell the tale?
They say they have been taken up in the spaceship and dissected on a laboratory table by aliens to see how we humans work, and then they have been put together again.
If an alien is going to cut somebody up like a worm or a rat on the table at biology lesson in school; then why bother put it back together again? Why not throw the bits away? Or use them in some meat pie or in a vegetable and meat dish? Is it because they have no vegetables in the spaceship?
And why is it when they've put the people they've abducted back together again; why is it they give them a tour of the spaceship? And get them to meet their leader and the crew? Why not wipe their minds clean so they cannot tell anyone else that the aliens have landed and they have abducted them? That would be the logical thing to do if I were an alien. I would wipe their minds so they could not tell anyone about me.
And why is it aliens always speak in perfect English to their abductees? You know ... the people they abduct!
Why not speak to them in Klingon, or French, or Italian, or German or any other language? Is it perhaps that they are speaking in Klingon but by some magical stroke of luck it sounds like perfect English?
And one more thing ... do aliens from outer space play golf?
Maybe I should have my head checked at the hospital!
