Oh God ...

 

Our daily dealings with God are a tough proposition in today's modern world. 

We never really know what He wants of us because He does not speak plainly as in the Old Testament; and consequently we do not always know what to do. 

He is no longer interested in burnt offerings like in the Old Testament. Perhaps He's become environmentally friendly and does not want us polluting the atmosphere. 

We cannot offer more prayers, the extra Rosary, lighting candles or other promises. He does not negotiate or make bargains. 

We cannot promise anything in return for His favours. 

We cannot say we'll be extra nice to someone obnoxious whom we do not like. He'd expect us to be nice regardless of the potential rewards.

How can we connect with God in prayer? 

We pray, we ask, we beg even; but often nothing happens. Silence. No answer. No response. 

Maybe He is saying "Yes", maybe He is saying "No", or "Not yet". 

We sometimes don't know where we are with God. Whether He will answer our prayers or He has more pressing matters from someone else's pleas. 

It would do us good to remember that God does not owe us an answer. He is not obligated to respond to our prayers or questions. 

He hears and listens to them, and He will deal with them in His time and in His way.

Maybe we should just trust Him that He knows what He is doing and that He has our best interest at heart. 

And maybe we should thank Him every now and then for what He has done for us and will continue to do.

Talents? What talents?

 

"... ... ... a man, going on a journey, summoned his slaves and entrusted his property to them; to one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away. 

... ... ... After a long time the master of those slaves came and settled accounts with them ... ... ... Then the one who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five more talents, ... ... ... And the one with the two talents also came forward, saying, ' see, I have made two more talents.' ... ... ... Then the one who had received the one talent also came forward, saying, 'I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here you have what is yours.' " (Matthew 25:14-30).

I am sure you know the story well. A rich man gives three sums of money to his slaves, and when he returns from his travels he discovers that two have increased the sum given to them, whereas the other has just buried his coin (talent) and returned it intact with no interest.

So what is Jesus saying here? It is OK to make money, as much as you possibly can according to your capabilities? Don't just sit on what you have and not make your money work?

God is not against people being rich. There is nothing wrong with being rich as long as we achieve it honestly and without cheating or stealing. 

In another parable, (the rich man and poor Lazarus at his gate - Luke 16:19–31), Jesus does not condemn being rich, as many people have misunderstood. Jesus condemns the rich man for not even noticing the poor man at his doorstep.

So what is Jesus teaching in the parable of the slaves and the talents given them?

Could He perhaps be talking about something more than just material riches?

Is He maybe reminding us that there will always be someone worse off than us? Someone who is poor in material things, someone poor in spirit, poor in health, poor in education or even poor in Faith. This may be miss-interpreting Him perhaps but still worth considering.

We all have a responsibility towards those in poverty in one way or another. No matter how their poverty manifests itself.

We should always readily recognize our blessings and share them with those less well off than us.

If we are fortunate to be financially rich, we should give to those who have not.

If we are in good health, we should help those who are sick. Visit them at home or in hospital, and give a hand when needed.

If we are clever or intelligent we should be more tolerant towards those not as bright as us and help educate them where we can.

And if our Faith is strong, we should help and pray for those who falter and fail in their walk with the Lord.

We’ve all been given some talent or other and we should use them for the benefit of others.

Perhaps one way of doing so is by proclaiming our Faith in God. Be God's ambassadors and representatives on earth. We may not all be good at standing at street corners, or knocking at doors, or writing books or blogs. But by just living the Christian life we are using our God given talents for His glory. 

Another way of using our talents is to be active in our church or community. The church always needs volunteers for many jobs. Playing music or singing in the choir perhaps. Doing some sort of administration or secretarial work. Editing and printing the newsletter. Cleaning the church. Ordering supplies. Visiting the sick and the elderly, or helping run a soup kitchen for the down and out. And so on.

We have a responsibility to use our talents to the best of our abilities. And with this responsibility comes a greater and more onerous one. That is to answer to Him when He asks us, “And what have you done with the riches I gave you?”

Share the load

 

.

 Come to me, 

all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads, 

and I will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28 

 

The Hollies

He Ain't Heavy

He's My Brother 

Snaillemma

 

I have a dilemma involving a snail.

I have a French friend called Antoine. I don't know why he's called Antoine. We all call him Tony. He lives in the UK but has gone home to France to see his parents. He asked me to look after his snail whilst he was away. Just one snail in a glass tank. I am to feed him lettuce leaves and some dandelion leaves every now and then.

The problem: Edouard, the snail has escaped. I did not know snails could be so fast. One night he was there in his tank and the next morning he was gone. We looked everywhere, starting with "where did you see him last?"

"In the tank!"

"Did you check there?"

"Of course I did, otherwise I would not have known that the snail is missing!" 

An argument ensued. I was told not to be flippant. Meantime the snail had a head-start and escaped some more.  

We searched some more. Every room. On top of cupboards, under cupboards, inside cupboards ... tables ... chairs ... TV ... fridge ...

We placed notices on lamp posts and trees in our street. The streets all around us. Even in shop windows.

"Snail Lost - looks like any other snail!"

The dilemma: Do we respond to several offers of ordinary garden snails people have picked up from their gardens? Do we pay a reward for finding Edouard? How do we know it is him? Will Tony realise it is not him when he returns from France? 

What would you do? Confess to having lost Edouard or replace him with a fake one? 

What is honesty? Is it always the best policy? Did Edouard have an Insurance Policy? 

I'm not old

 

I'M NOT OLD. 

 

ARE YOU?

 

Random thoughts as we age.

The biggest lie I tell myself is ..."I don't need to write this down, I'll remember it."

Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes and come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

I don't trip over things; I do random gravity checks!

Old age is coming at a really bad time.

I don't have white hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I am just very wise.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.

I'm going to retire and live off my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second week.

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

At my age "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.

You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.

I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.

If I had known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

Today is the oldest you’ve ever been, and the youngest you’ll ever be again.

As soon as you feel too old to do a thing, do it

Getting old is like climbing a mountain; you get a little out of breath, but the view is much better!

Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.

Ever dabbled in the occult?

 

Have you ever dabbled in the occult? Speak to people on the other side? Spirits?

I have.

I believe that our souls live on in a spiritual invisible world for eternity. But it is wrong, and dangerous, to attempt to communicate with them.

I was at a business party once at my boss's house. I was driven there by colleagues so I could not just leave when I wanted.

The boss's wife thought that for entertainment we should try to communicate with the "other side".

I objected silently. Did I ever tell you I am very shy; also a coward by nature and I feared losing my job?

She made us sit around the table and brought out a Luigi Board she had bought from Italy.

We held the tips of our fingers on this heart shaped piece of wood, (planchette), on the board and Julie asked: "Is anyone there?"

Our fingers moved the planchette in unison on the board. The answer was: "No!"

We were all riveted in confusion. If there was no one there then who answered "No!" ???

Julie was not deterred. We moved the planchette to its original starting position and Julie asked: "Is there anything you like to say?"

Again, the fingers moved the wooden heart on the board in unison. I was not putting any pressure on the wood, but felt as if I was being "led" by the rest of the group.

The answer from the "other side" was: "You 'ave no new massages!" (It was written in an Italian accent. No doubt we had contacted an Italian ghost from the place where the Luigi Board was made. I noted we were all instinctively leaning to one side on the table ... was it Pisa?) 

We all stopped simultaneously and no one said anything. If there was no one there, then who is answering that there are no messages for anyone? 

"This has never happened before," said Julie showing her frustration, "is there anyone here who does not believe in spirits, or thinks it is wrong to communicate with them?"

At first no one answered. So I dismissed my natural cowardice and said, "I believe in spirits. Both real ones and those in bottles. I don't think we should talk to them though!"

Julie looked at me in anger. I pulled back my hand and sat a little further back from the table. She replaced the heart in its original position and asked again: "Is anyone there?"

Once more, the fingers of the remaining participants moved in unison on the board. They spelled the word, "Nein".

"There are nine of them," said one of the guests.

"Either that, or the spirit is dyslexic," I joked. Julie ignored me. Her husband smiled.

She asked one more time: "Is anyone there?"

The fingers spelled out, "Whatsa do yah wanter ... I am bizzy making dah pizza right now!"

Must have been the ghost of a pizza cook. 

The seance took a little longer than usual because we had to translate everything the ghost said.

I got a nice recipe for tagliatelle with carbonara sauce, and tiramisu with mascarpone!

Buying Nostalgia

 

The other day whilst the family was shopping in the supermarket I just wandered aimlessly amongst the aisles looking around.

Just by the toiletries I discovered Bryl Creem. Do you remember Bryl Creem? A lot of men used to rub it into their hair to make it shiny and somewhat modelled rather that free and easy. It was popular with rock and roll types, and also people on motorbikes. Did the Fonz (Henry Winkler) use such a product on his hair, I wonder?

I remember I used Bryl Creem in my days; and when I drove an open top car my hair did not move one bit. These days in an open top car my hair flies all over the place and I have to stop every so often and go pick it up again. Maybe I need to use some glue instead!

I also found Old Spice after shave. Do you remember Old Spice? I used to splash it on all over and a bottle would not last me more than a week or so. The girls used to love it and it attracted them like bees around honey. 

These days the only aroma that attracts women to me is Vick's VapoRub. They must like the smell of menthol. I use it instead of after-shave. Cheaper too. 

That and Fisherman's Friend lozenges. Do you have them where you are? They are menthol lozenges with eucalyptus. You place one on your tongues and it opens up all your air passages and makes you smell like a pharmacy or hospital. I find that they and Vick's VaporRub combined make me a magnet for ladies of a certain age!

Oh ... and also cravats. I found a display devoted to cravats. How many people remember cravats? Instead of a tie, just have the top couple of buttons of your shirt open and wear a silk cravat. You'll look like David Niven or such-like suave Hollywood personalities. I used to always wear them at one time. Not any more, I'm afraid. 

These days I just wear a T shirt, or a thick cotton shirt and trousers which I pull all the way up to my nipples and I hold them there with a brown leather belt and braces - just for safety. 

With the trousers so high I often show socks of different colour; basically because I can't be bothered to find a matching pair every day. 

I sometimes also wear a knitted woollen pullover with large diamond patterns at the front green and brown in colour. 

If it's cold I put on a thick jacket with leather patches on the elbows. I've had it for years and it's still good to wear despite several moths attacks. I have even considered putting moth balls in my pocket partly as a precaution and partly to add to the aroma of Fisherman's Friend and Vick's VapoRub. Maybe that's a step too far.

I am told that my fashionable attire makes me a sex icon for the woman who doesn't care. My wife forbids me to go out dressed like that in case people think she's easily pleased.

How about you? Do you use any products from yesteryear?

Be not afraid

 

May the words of this hymn bring peace and comfort to your heart. 

Taxidermy

 

I have started a new hobby now that the Autumn is drawing near. I have to go to evening classes to learn taxidermy. It was either that or flower pressing. I have always wanted a giraffe in our front room with its long neck and head poking out of the window. So I chose taxidermy.

Anyway, I started a taxidermy class. The art of preserving an animal's body via mounting (over an armature) or stuffing, for the purpose of display or study. 

Our lecturer, Mr I Fillem, explained that there are two basic things to learn in taxidermy. First of all, you must ensure that the creature is dead. At a previous lesson someone tried to stuff a live rhinoceros and it stampeded throughout the college causing a lot of damage and panic. Especially when it ran through the art class and they were painting a nude woman at the time. He said he did not know his wife volunteered as a model behind his back ... or in front of his back for that matter. It was embarrassment all round, especially for the rhino who had never been to art classes before.

The second basic thing to learn about taxidermy, according to I Fillem, is to have in mind a clear picture of how you would like the finished product to look. A hippo fighting a shark for instance will not do since there are no sharks in the jungle; unless you happen to take one with you on vacation.

 He suggested we start with a small creature as our first attempt at taxidermy. 

I chose a snail. This was problematic since it was in its shell at the time and we did not know whether it was dead or alive, or indeed hibernating. Snails can hibernate for months apparently.

A tortoise proved to be the same problem since it was also in its shell; unless one were to find a claustrophobic tortoise which would oblige by staying out long enough until it died a natural death. The secondary problem was that tortoises live for a very long time and certainly longer than the 14 weeks which the course was scheduled to last.  

I Fillem suggested I go to the biology class and see if they can spare a dead mouse which I could use as my first subject at taxidermy. It so happened that they had one mouse too many and they obliged by giving it to me.

I took him home that evening and wrapped him in an old sock ready to take with me the next day to taxidermy class. Unfortunately that night our cat discovered the mouse and used it as its play thing.

When I took it to class the instructor said it was too bruised and mangled to do anything with it. 

He suggested I take up flower pressing as a hobby instead. 

Anne Onimous

 

This Blog is open to anyone. You are all welcome here. I accept all comments even anonymous ones. There are no filters or pre-approvals for your comments to appear here.

However, there are some people who post hurtful, or provocative comments. Also political ones.

This is not a political Blog. We all have different political opinions but this is not the forum in which to discuss them. 

I do realise, (my techie tells me), that some people who comment here under their own names also comment anonymously. Also some who have stopped commenting here under their own names, return to this Blog and comment anonymously.

Such comments will be accepted as long as they are not hurtful, political or malicious. Otherwise they will be deleted.

Be kind to one another. God bless.     

Are you invited to Jesus' wedding?

 

In Matthew Chapter 22:1-14 Jesus tells a parable about a king preparing a wedding feast for his son. He invites many guests who do not turn up, so eventually, he invites all the people his servants can find in the streets until the wedding hall is full of guests.

In this story, the King is God. And His Son getting married is Jesus; marrying His Church here on earth - this means everyone, you and I included.

We are all invited to God's Kingdom, but many don't answer the call. Some even respond violently to the invitation by beating and killing the messengers. The King responds accordingly.

At the end of this parable there's an intriguing bit. The King enters the hall full of guests and sees a man not wearing wedding clothes. He is angry with him and gets him tied up and thrown out into the street.

Now this seems rather harsh treatment for someone not wearing the right clothes. Until we stop and understand Jewish tradition.

Jesus was talking to the Jews who understood very well that there are special clothes to wear at weddings. Almost every family had such special clothes in case they were invited to a wedding; even the poor would either have such clothes or borrow some.

No one would dare go to a wedding without special clothes. Even more important, traditionally the host of the wedding also provided special garments for those who did not have any, so they can borrow them for the occasion. So it was more offensive to the King for this guest to wear no garment.

This guest in the parable just did not bother; he showed disrespect to the King and his son; and was thus thrown out.

I guess we can note the distinction between those invited guests who refused to attend and the one with no special clothing. Those first guests are the people who refuse to accept God and to love and follow Him. The guest with the wrong clothes are the people who half-heartedly accept God as an insurance policy ... just in case ... they do not really believe and follow God. Believers in name only.

But how about us? What are our special clothes for our entry into God's Kingdom in Heaven?

Our wedding clothes are our good deeds here on earth. Whatever we do for anyone in need, however small, constitutes our wedding clothes. "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." (Matthew 25:40).

It is just not enough to spend a lifetime on our knees praying, or going to church, if our deeds are far from what is expected of us as followers of Christ.

Jesus said, "Not everyone who calls me Lord will enter the Kingdom of God, but only those who do what my Father wants them to do". (Matthew 7:21).

In other words ... action not words.

What would the Trade Unions say about Jesus?

In Matthew 20:1-16 Jesus tells the story of a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire labourers for his vineyard. After agreeing with the labourers for the usual daily wage, he sent them into his vineyard. He went out again at 9 o'clock and found some more workers whom he sent to the vineyard. At noon and at 3 o'clock in the afternoon he did the same. And then again at 5 o'clock, he found more idle workers whom he sent to the vineyard.

At the end of the day he asked his manager to pay the last people first. Those that started at 5 o'clock got paid the normal daily wage. Those who started in the morning rubbed their hands with glee expecting more money. But they too got paid the same daily wage. Not surprisingly, they were angry.

What would the Trade Unions say about this if they existed at the time of Jesus? They would probably call a strike, and indeed ask for a wage increase for everyone.

On the face of it, this parable does seem a little unfair. We probably sympathise with those workers who worked all day and got paid the same as the ones who worked for just one hour. But let's consider what Jesus is teaching us here.

The vineyard is of course Paradise. Heaven.

The landowner is God. Only He decides who is to enter Heaven. You and I have no say in the matter.

We may think we know a lot about religion and Christianity but in reality we know nothing. Only God knows what is in the heart and minds of people and only He decides who is to enter Heaven.

Now about the workers who go to the vineyard at different times of the day. The different times represent when certain people get to know God and to follow His word.

Some people get to know God early in their lives. They are the first in the vineyard. They are probably born in a religious family and have been brought up as Christians and keep God's Word throughout their lives.

The others at 9 o'clock, noon and so on get to know and love God later in their lives. Perhaps in their teens, or in adulthood.

The last ones at 5 o'clock are those who get to know God at the end of their lives. Just before they die. They truly repent and ask forgiveness and as they die they go to Heaven.

Now the temptation is to live a "St Augustine" hedonistic lifestyle enjoying all that there is to enjoy in life and then, at the last minute, repent and go to Heaven.

But there is no guarantee that you will get the opportunity to repent before you die, is there? You might die suddenly and then ... bingo ... you're going down with no parachute.

And if you were to repent in the last minute, God who sees deep within your soul, will know whether you have truly and genuinely repented, or whether you are cashing in an insurance policy at the last moment so you can enter Heaven. You can't fool God, you know!

So that's what it's all about this arriving at the vineyard at different times.

And if you are one of those who arrived early, and got to know and love God as a child or when you were young, then your job here on earth is to be God's recruitment officer.

By living the kind of life He would wish you to live you'd be an example that others would admire and wish to emulate. And because of you, more people would arrive at the vineyard, later than you maybe, but they'd arrive all the same.

What an honour for you to serve the Lord in this way.

And one final thought, why be envious of God's generosity? If He chooses someone you do not think worthy to enter Heaven, should you not be glad of a late conversion and one more soul saved?  Or would you want that person to be in hell?

What if, when you are in Heaven you meet someone you thought does not merit to be there? What would you do? Object?

What if someone else in Heaven does not think you are worthy to be there?

Beware when giving to charity

 

We often receive letters and emails urging us to donate to this and that charity. We end up feeling guilty if we do not respond to one appeal or another. They all have a sad tale to tell as to why they need funds.

Some charities even suggest you sponsor or "adopt" as part of your donation. For example they would say that if you were to promise to donate a certain sum each month you would "adopt" an animal, and they would send you a photo of the animal, sometimes a cuddly toy too, and every so often a letter telling you how it is doing and how happy it is in the reserve where it is living.

They asked us in church to help with continuous donations to train new priests. I kindly obliged and filled in a form.

Three weeks later we had a new trainee priest standing at our door. He came to live with us.

I could not believe it! I never agreed to have a priest living with us. I read the form I signed, and there, in very very small print, it said in Clause 365, Chapter 366, sub-paragraph 900: "The priest will live with you until he qualifies as a fully working priest and has gained at least one A Grade in his exams".

Those Catholics had tricked me once again.

Apparently I have to have this priest living with us for I don't know how long. My lawyer said it is until he finishes his training. I hope he is not a slow learner.

Can you imagine what it's like having a priest living with you? I have to mind what I say and do. For a start, I cannot watch whichever "dubious" programs on TV any more. The priest does not approve of that. And there's a limit to how much Christian programs I can take. 

I have even stopped drinking my favourite whisky or can of Guinness. 

And there's a limit to how much coffee I can take instead. I am so wound up I'm likely to lose control soon. Coffee is making me run to the bathroom more often than I like to. It is certainly not my cup of tea!

The trainee priest sits there quietly all day reading his books and praying all the time. 

Every so often he asks us, ever so politely, to test him by asking him questions from his revision books. Questions like "what does ora pro nobis mean?" And other Latin phrases which he has to learn by heart. Does anyone know how to say, "Clear off!" in Latin?

Worse of all, since he has been here I have had to be very nice and very good indeed. I am not myself any more. 

My family have noticed and liked the transformation in me. They say I am a much nicer person. That's what a lack of a good drink does to you and endless hours of Christianity on TV.

Even the cat now likes me and sits on my lap purring. It's really too much. Oh ... to be able to sin again!

I went to confession the other day and I had nothing to tell our regular priest. Ever since we've had this trainee priest living with us I have been turning into a Saint. I have not done one thing wrong or bad for ages. Not one impure thought, not one biscuit or chocolate too many, in fact none at all. Not one greedy piece of cake or my favourite cheese. In fact I am losing weight as well as being saintly - maybe it's all those sins washing away.

Can YOU imagine what it would be like having a priest living with you? Seriously now. Think about it. How would it change your life? Would it change you for the better?

Another thought - Jesus is with you right now and every day. How does this affect the way you behave?

Father Ignatius and politics

 

There’s always a fine line, almost invisible, where a priest should get involved in politics or stand back and keep his nose out.

Father Ignatius was well aware of that, especially in this desolate town which had suffered more than most in the economic downturn, with unemployment higher than the national average and poverty affecting a large number of the population harsher than ever before.

The situation was exacerbated by the news of the closure of a local factory employing many of his parishioners. The workers and their families were devastated. The effects of the dismissals of employees would be felt by the whole local economy as their spending power is reduced. The unions were up in arms and encouraged strikes; which of course would solve nothing in the long run. Parishioners turned to Father Ignatius, perhaps hoping for Divine intervention and some sort of miracle to save their jobs.

Father Ignatius decided to address the matter head on, even though he risked being accused of playing politics. He stood up at the lectern on Sunday and said:

“I have often wondered whether as a priest I am a man of God, serving Him on this earth, or whether I am a man of politics, serving my community.

“Or perhaps a bit of both.

“I am well aware of the difficulties facing many of you by the factory closure announced this week. I know full well the extent of hardship which this community has undergone in the past few years.

“One of you said to me the other day that life is a series of failures punctuated by disappointments.

“I repeat … a series of failures punctuated by disappointments.

“Is this what God wants for you?

“Does He want to see you struggle and fail and to endure life every inch of the way until death relieves you of your suffering?

“I think not.

“God wants us to enjoy life as best we can; as simply we can … even in our poverty, our ill-health, or old age … God wants us to rejoice and find a glimmer of hope in every situation … for without hope there is nothing.

“I have asked myself what God wants me to do in this situation. Am I to get involved in politics and speak out about decisions taken by those in authority? Or should I keep quiet and try to help you as best I can on an individual basis?

“Jesus faced a similar dilemma when asked about paying taxes. He did not hesitate to state clearly His opinions on the matter. Christ lived in very political times. His country was occupied by the Romans. Several people saw Him as a new ruler come to overthrow their oppressors. The Pharisees and Sadducees saw Him as a threat to their positions and authority. Yet, He was not afraid to speak out, especially when He saw wrongdoings and evil in society.

“I believe that today there are times when a priest must speak out when he sees something wrong contradicting God’s Word and His teachings. Like abortion for instance and Government’s legislation on the matter.

“It would be remiss in such situations for a priest to say nothing and look the other way.

“I believe the financial situation we are all facing has now gone beyond party politics. There seems to be no right or wrong answer in sight, at least not to me, a simpleton in these matters.

“The factory closure will affect many of you and I cannot add much to the debate by pious statements and opinions. But at the very least, I offer my services in any way possible … perhaps as a start, by calling a meeting here at the church centre on Monday for all parishioners affected … let us discuss calmly the various issues facing us and see whether there’s anything we can do …”

And that’s precisely what happened. The meeting clarified the extent of the problem. Father Ignatius led a small team of employees to seek a solution and, to cut a long story short, together with his contacts in town with several banks, he managed to put together an employee-led buy-out by some workers backed by financial loans from the banks.

The factory was saved, some but not all jobs were saved, and the newly born business took the first faltering steps towards a promising future.

Father Ignatius’ tentative steps in getting involved in local politics were rewarded with success; small as it may be. Not by anything he had done, but by his unfailing Faith that he would be led by the Holy Spirit to say and do what is right. 

MORE FATHER IGNATIUS STORIES HERE

Distant God

 

It was Good Friday, about nine in the evening, as Father Ignatius settled down in his armchair by the fire. It was still cold for this time of year and snowing yet again. He put a couple of logs on the open fire and picked up a book to read.

Moments later Mrs Davenport, the housekeeper, entered the large living room and announced that Geoff Henderson had just called in and was waiting in the reception room.

“Oh let him in …” said Father Ignatius standing up to greet his visitor.

Geoff Henderson was an architect and he had brought with him some plans to discuss some alterations to the Parish Hall and the area behind the garage. After their discussions were over the priest said:

“How are you these days Geoff? I haven’t seen you in church for a while now!”

Geoff hesitated as he gathered his papers together and sipped a little coffee.

“To be honest Father …” he said finally, “I’ve been rather busy lately …”

“Too busy to go to church?” asked Father Ignatius.

“Well … actually, I feel that God is distant these days …” confessed the architect standing up to leave.

At that point Canis the dog, who was lying by the fire, yawned heavily as he made himself more comfortable.

“That’s not a comment on what you’ve just said,” joked the priest, “sit down Geoff if you have a minute to spare.”

The architect sat down again.

“This dog and I have a special relationship,” said Father Ignatius, “when I take him for a walk in the park I sometimes let him off the lead. He runs away like mad here there and everywhere in no particular direction. He is free and he’ll go where he wants. Sometimes he is quite far away. It is he who has distanced himself from me Geoff; and not the other way round.

“Do you see what I mean?”

“Yes … I do … I suppose it is me who’s distanced myself from God,” replied the architect, “but I suppose it is because I no longer see Him as relevant in my life.”

“I wonder whether Canis sees me as relevant in his life?” asked the priest, “the other day I was cleaning the back garden and he looked at me as if to say ‘I like this … I poo wherever I want and you get to pick it up … that’s a special relationship all right!’ ”

Geoff smiled.

“And what’s more …” continued the priest, “he seems to be absolutely useless. He is certainly no guard dog. If we were to have a burglar in the house he would probably show him where I’ve hidden my stash of chocolates.

“The other day he came face to face with a cat in the back garden. He stood still like a statue. Then turned his head towards me expecting me to run and bark after the cat.

“I did not move. The cat started to panic and run but then stopped in total confusion and looked at the dog.

“Canis looked at me and then at the cat once or twice, and then he whined and ran inside the house to hide in his bed.”

Geoff chuckled quietly.

“But I like him Geoff,” said the priest, “and I wouldn’t part with him. And he seems to like me.

“Do you know … I think God likes you. In fact I know He loves you for sure, because He said so, many times in the Bible.

“I suspect you’re off the lead now and you’re running successfully all over the place. You don’t need God really … you have a great business, a lovely car which I must admit I envy, and a good life. No wonder He seems distant.

“But God is there all the same Geoff. Protecting you from more ills than you can imagine without you knowing it. All because He loves you.

“When you get the time, come and visit Him in church just to say Hello!”

Geoff said nothing.

“I don’t mean to be critical,” continued Father Ignatius gently, “we all get distanced from God at some stage or other in our lives Geoff.

“It would be wrong of me to see this happen to you and say nothing.

“Take one step at a time. Come to church on Sunday, and when you feel ready come to Confession. Or come again and see me for a quiet talk.

“You’ll find God will welcome you back in His loving arms like a father welcoming his prodigal son.

“You’re a good man Geoff deep down. I wouldn’t be doing business with you otherwise. I’ll be praying for you.”

“Thank you …” said Geoff quietly.

“I’ll be praying also that you won’t charge me too much for the building extension!” said Father Ignatius.

Have you ever ...

 

Have you ever been mistaken for a celebrity? A singer, or actor or sports personality?

I was once mistaken for a Hollywood actor - King Kong.

Here's what happened:

School play. I volunteered to help. Dealing with the curtains. Lights. Moving props. That sort of thing back stage.

The hall is full of excited parents and guests. Minutes to go before we start. The teacher/producer is in a panic. The person playing the part of King Kong was taken ill.

"Would you please take the part?" the teacher asked.

"Me ... of course not! I have work to do back stage."

"Someone else can do that. You fit the role perfectly. And the costume fits you. You're the same size as Geoff. You've seen him at rehearsals." she insisted.

"Definitely not! You won't make a monkey out of me!" I joked.

"The gorilla is central to the whole play. We can't go on without it. Please! I'll be ever so grateful!"

Dammit ... why is it you women always get your own way? I can see it clearly now, in the garden of Eden. "Please ... taste the apple. It is delicious. If you taste it with me I'll be ever so grateful!"

"I'll be ever so grateful!" these words may well have sent many men to their doom. 

I guess I played the role well. Hunched forwards and walking mostly by leaning on my arms like gorillas do. Grunting every now and then. The audience were taken by it. Some thought it was a real gorilla. It was a performance worthy of an Oscar if there was such a thing for school plays.

I played the role well and everyone seemed to enjoy it.

After my final on stage appearance, I went back stage to check on my wife who was pregnant at the time.

She said she was having the baby. She was sure of it. The contractions were more frequent.  

I had to rush her to the hospital. No time to change out of my costume. As we ran to the car park I heard her shout, "stop walking on your front arms like a demented ape!" 

As I drove as fast as the traffic regulations allow I noticed a police car behind me. He overtook and flagged me down to stop.

I thought he'd arrest me for being drunk in charge of a gorilla. You should have seen his face when he approached our car and I wound down the window. You should have seen his face again when I spoke to him!

I told him my wife was having a baby. He looked at the seat behind me as she let out a cry. He then looked at me and must have thought something strange. I could see it on his face. 

Anyway, he drove ahead clearing the way to the hospital. I was still in costume. I could not take it off because I was in a hurry to take my wife to Maternity Ward. 

About an hour or so later, the baby was born.

The nurse looked at the baby, then looked at me, then punched me in the face!

NOTE: That's the only time I will allow my photo to appear on this Blog or anywhere on the Internet.

A common fear

 

A lot of people have irrational fears of something or other. Spiders, the outdoors, confined spaces and so on.

I have a fear of heights. Some would say this is not irrational because falling from a height can be dangerous and fatal; but be that as it may. I have a fear of heights. Even wearing shoes with a slight high heel worries me. I never stand on tiptoes. I'm afraid if I do my head will hit the ceiling.

I went to see a hypnotist to cure me from my fear of heights. Her name is Dr Ellie Vator.

She gave me a handkerchief with some smelly substance to put on my nose and then she swung a watch on a chain in front of my eyes and talked softly. I soon fell asleep. 

When I woke up I was on top of the wardrobe. I panicked. She just sat there filing her nails and colouring them and asked me to get down. I was terrified. She shook the wardrobe and I fell crashing to the ground. She said that our next session will help me control my fear. "To conquer your fear you must control your fear!" she said in a fearful accent.

At the next session she put me to sleep again. I woke up on top of the Eiffel Tower. The following session after that I ended up on the Tower of Pisa. And then the Colosseum, the Parthenon and other places. 

It is costing me a fortune in travelling expenses getting back to London. Plus her expenses too coming with me, and charging for her services. She said she'd never had so many vacations. 

I think she was hypnotising me to continue to go to her for hypnotic sessions.

So now I go to another hypnotist to cure me from the compulsion of going to a hypnotist. Unfortunately his office is on the 20th floor of a block of offices. And I'm still afraid of heights.

I am looking for a hypnotist with an office on the ground floor or possibly in the cellar. I want him to cure me from my fear of heights and to stop me seeing hypnotists. 

Three steps to Peace

 

There are so many people who cannot achieve spiritual or personal peace because they feel that they have done something wrong, often a long time ago, and they cannot let go of the guilt. Let's see if these three steps can help:

FORGIVE: If you feel that you have been wronged then forgive the other person. If the person is no longer in contact then forgive them in your heart - truly forgive them. If they are dead then let the matter rest. They are now face-to-face with God and know their part, as well as yours, in the situation that happened. Just forgive them in your heart and let go.

SEEK FORGIVENESS: If the person is still around, and you are in anyway at fault, seek forgiveness. Whether it is given or not; at least seek forgiveness from the one you have hurt. And also seek forgiveness from God. Provided your repentance is genuine; He will forgive you.

FORGIVE YOURSELF: Once you sought, and received, forgiveness from God; then forgive yourself. You'd be surprised how many people hold on to the guilt and feel that they have not been forgiven and they cannot forgive themselves. To behave this way is wrong, and it is a sin in the eyes of God. By not forgiving yourself you are in effect implying that your standard of forgiveness is higher than that of God. Or that perhaps He was wrong to have forgiven you. How do you think He feels about that? If God has forgiven you, then you MUST forgive yourself and move on.

Happy Birthday

 

Our birth date describes who we are, what we are good at and what our inborn abilities are. It also points to what we have to learn and the challenges we are facing.

To figure out your Birth Number, add all the numbers in the birth Date together, like in the example, until there is only one digit.

A Birth Number does not prevent you from being anything you want to be, it will just colour your choice differently and give you a little insight.

                  Example March 20, 1950
                  3 + 20 + 1950 = 1973
                  1 + 9 + 7 + 3 = 20
                  2 + 0 = 2
Keep going until you end up with a single digit number.
2 is the Birth Number to read for the birth date in the example.

                   No 1 THE ORIGINATOR
                   No 2 THE PEACEMAKER
                   No 3 THE LIFE OF THE PARTY
                   No 4 THE CONSERVATIVE
                   No 5 THE NONCONFORMIST
                   No 6 THE ROMANTIC
                   No 7 THE INTELLECTUAL
                   No 8 THE BIG SHOT
                   No 9 THE PERFORMER

==============================================
             

1 - THE ORIGINATOR
1's are originals. Coming up with new ideas and executing them is natural. Having things their own way is another trait that gets them as being stubborn and arrogant. 1's are extremely honest and do well to learn some diplomacy skills.

 
They like to take the initiative and are often leaders or bosses, as they like to be the best. Being self-employed is definitely helpful for them. Lesson to learn: Others' ideas might be just as good or better and to stay open minded.

Famous 1's: Tom Hanks, Robert Redford, Hulk Hogan, Carol Burnett, Wynona Judd, Nancy Reagan, Raquel Welch.

2 - THE PEACEMAKER
2's are the born diplomats. They are aware of others' needs and moods and often think of others before themselves. Naturally analytical and very intuitive they don't like to be alone.

Friendship and companionship is very important and can lead them to be successful in life, but on the other hand they'd rather be alone than in an uncomfortable relationship.

Being naturally shy they should learn to boost their self-esteem and express themselves freely and seize the moment and not put things off.

Famous 2's: President Bill Clinton, Madonna, Whoopee Goldberg, Thomas Edison, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

3 - THE LIFE OF THE PARTY
3's are idealists. They are very creative, social, charming, romantic, and easy going. They start many things, but don't always see them through.

They like others to be happy and go to great lengths to achieve it. They are very popular and idealistic. They should learn to see the world from a more realistic point of view.

Famous 3's: Alan Alda, Ann Landers, Bill Cosby, Melanie Griffith, Salvador Dali, Jodi Foster.

4 - THE CONSERVATIVE
4's are sensible and traditional. They like order and routine. They only act when they fully understand what they are expected to do. They like getting their hands dirty and working hard.

They are attracted to the outdoors and feel an affinity with nature. They are prepared to wait and can be stubborn and persistent. They should learn to be more flexible and to be nice to themselves.

Famous 4's: Neil Diamond, Margaret Thatcher, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tina Turner, Paul Hogan, Oprah Winfrey.

5 - THE NONCONFORMIST
5's are the explorers. Their natural curiosity, risk taking, an enthusiasm often land them in hot water. They need diversity, and don't like to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their school and they see a learning possibility in every situation.

The questions never stop. They are well advised to look before they take action and make sure they have all the facts before jumping to conclusions.

Famous 5's: Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte, Jessica Walter, Vincent Van Gogh, Bette Midler, Helen Keller and Mark Hail.

6 - THE ROMANTIC
6's are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong family connection is important to them. Their actions influence their decisions. They have a strong urge to take care of others and to help.

They are very loyal and make great teachers. They like art or music. They make loyal friends who take the friendship seriously. 6's should learn to differentiate between what they can change and what they cannot.

Famous 6's: Albert Einstein, Jane Seymour, John Denver, Meryl Streep, Christopher Columbus, Goldie Hawn.

7 - THE INTELLECTUAL
7 's are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they find it difficult to accept things at face value. Emotions don't sway their decisions. Questioning everything in life, they don't like to be questioned themselves.

They're never off to a fast start, and their motto is slow and steady wins the race. They come across as philosophers and being very knowledgeable, and sometimes as loners.

They are technically inclined and make great researchers uncovering information. They like secrets. They live in their own world and should learn what is acceptable and what is not in the world at large.

Famous 7's: William Shakespeare, Lucille Ball, Michael Jackson, Joan Baez, Princess Diana.

8 - THE BIG SHOT
8's are the problem solvers. They are professional, blunt and to the point, have good judgement and are decisive. They have grand plans and like to live the good life. They take charge of people They view people objectively.

They let you know in no uncertain terms that they are the boss! They should learn to exude their decisions on their own needs rather than on what others want.

Famous 8's: Barbara Streisand, George Harrison, Jane Fonda, Pablo Picasso, Aretha Franklin, Nostrodamus.

9 - THE PERFORMER
9's are natural entertainers. They are very caring and generous,
giving away their last dollar to help. With their charm, they have no problem making friends and nobody is a stranger to them.

They have so many different personalities that people around them have a hard time understanding them. They are like chameleons, ever changing and blending in. They have tremendous luck, but also can suffer from extremes in fortune and mood.

To be successful, they need to build a loving foundation.

Famous 9's: Albert Schweitzer, Shirley MacLaine, Harrison Ford, Jimmy Carter, Elvis Presley.

Fear

Fear is a natural emotion. We all experience fear at one time or another in our lives. Fear can be a good thing at times because it  stops us from taking un-necessary risks. From being reckless and un-thoughtful in what you do.

But there are times when fear itself breeds more fear and grips us to the extent of ruling our lives.

Few of us are really immune to it.

The fear of losing our job and not being able to provide for our families. The fear of missing payments on our mortgage and losing our house. The fear of failure and being unable to work again. The fear of our very lives crumbling in front of our eyes.

The fear of a marriage breakdown. Infidelity. Divorce and its many heartaches. The tearing apart of a family. How it affects one's children. Separation. Costs. Access to children. Being no longer a part of their lives. The feeling of failure and betrayal.

The fear of growing old. Being alone. Especially at night. Forgotten with only one's memories for comfort. The fear of being unable to cope any more. The fear of losing control as others decide for you what is best. The fear that everyone you relied upon is now no longer there.

The fear of being ill. With no prospects of getting better. Relying on others and perhaps being a burden on family and friends. The fear of incapacity. The fear of being unable to make any decisions. The fear of being unable to afford treatment. The fear of un-ending pain.

The fear for others. Children. Grand-children. Other relatives or friends. How they are coping. How will they cope. The fear of the future and what it might bring. In an ever changing world, the very fear of opening a newspaper or seeing the news that something or other has happened that will adversely affect you or your loved ones.

Few of us can claim not to have experienced the real darkness of fear as it grips our minds, our imaginations and indeed our realities.

Because all these fears outlined above, and others besides not mentioned here, have actually happened to others and can very well happen to us.

One day we are living our lives happily and the next ... a quick change in circumstances can easily propel us into any of the fearful scenarios described above.

Christ taught us not to be afraid. That our God loves us. He cares for us. He will not let us perish. He is always by our side.

Yet ... these fearful events are real and have happened to others, those who love and obey God, and those who don't; and can so easily happen to us. So we feel, perhaps, that our fears are justified.

Until we consider, for a moment or two, how God feels about our so-called justified fears.

Isn't our fear, justified as it might be, a sign that we don't truly trust Him? A real profession of faith that, when it comes down to it, we don't really trust Him? Somehow, somewhere, in the back of our minds, we harbour that doubt, that worry, that when things will go bad for us, as they will inevitably be for some of us, we don't really trust Him enough to be by our side in our moment of need.

Now how do you think God feels about your lack of trust in Him?

We may not be able to help these fears when they attack our minds, perhaps sub-consciously, but we can fight against them with prayer. Real prayer. Through gritted teeth even. Admitting to God that we are fearful and yet, trying, through every fibre of our being to trust in Him, in His love and in His caring.

Fear will try to grip us all. It is how we handle it that is our salvation. And with His grace and help we will succeed.

FATHER FRANCIS MAPLE