Wednesday, 30 May 2012

Father Gaston


Father Frederic, our Parish priest, is away for two weeks and has been replaced by Father Gaston, a priest of French origin, until our regular priest returns.

Father Gaston doesn’t say much, maybe because he hasn’t much to say to us. Who knows! He is tall and thin and looks very severe. He has one of those unfortunate white skinny faces which look like a skull. A long oval shape with sunken eyes and boney features revealing the contours of his jaws as he grins benignly rather than smile. I bet he could turn someone into a pillar of salt by just thinking it.

I don’t mean that he is nasty or evil in any way; he just looks that way and would frighten any cat out of its nine lives. Maybe I should introduce him to mine.

Last Saturday I went to confession. Father Gaston was in attendance.

We have one of those wooden confessionals which consists of a compartment in the middle which the priest enters and sits on a bench, and we genuflect on either side, pulling the curtain behind us so no one sees us, and tell him all our wrong-doings. We have to whisper, of course; otherwise everyone in church would hear our sins. If they were to hear mine they would no doubt be in hysterics of laughter!

I knelt down and whispered closely to the opening in the confessional: “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned …”

“I cannot hear you!” said Father Gaston in his strong French accent loud enough to be heard in Paris.

“Ehmmm…” I cleared my throat as I got nearer still to the little window opening in the confessional. At that point my knee slipped off the kneeler on the floor and I crashed forward hitting my face hard against the panel behind which the priest was sitting. He must have jumped out of his tightly stretched skin dropping his jaw to the floor in the process. I know that the rest of the penitents in church must have been startled out of their meditations too as I heard murmurs echoing behind the confessional curtain.

I straightened myself and soon realized that the knock to my face had started a nose bleed. I took out a handkerchief quickly and said in a loud enough voice to be heard by everyone “We’ll have to continue this conversation at another time …”

I got out of the confessional holding my head back and covering my face with the now red handkerchief.

As I made my way to the exit I heard a lady say to another: “I’m not going to confession today. This new French priest is rather violent with his penance!”




14 comments:

  1. This was hilarious, Victor! You sure are accident prone, aren't you?! I almost dedicated a porcupine picture to you today on my blog because the picture reminded me of your fall into the thorn bush. I held back...barely ;)

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  2. LOL! I thought going to confession was supposed to make you feel better, not worse!

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  3. Oh, that's really funny, Victor!! Once the priest and I had to raise our voices to be heard over the rumbling of my hungry stomach but your story takes the cake! Hehe!
    God bless, Victor:-)

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  4. Oh my gosh, Victor! Your comment on my blog made me howl! It was the "dolphin" remark and the comment about elevators that went "That is just wrong on so many levels!"

    I think you may just have the best sense of humor of everyone I've ever met in my life!

    And you are absolutely right about laughing - it's good for us. Hands down, you are the funniest person I've ever met. Nothing gets by you :)

    Thanks for all the great laughs!

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  5. Hi Mary, Munchesmom, Vicky and Madeleines,

    It's so nice to see you've enjoyed this story. Smiling and laughing makes a happy world don't you think? Perhaps we should think of a Laughter Meme - how about that? Somehow to link blogs together by having everyone tell a funny story that happened to them?

    Yes ... give me a day or two and I'll start one.

    And Mary ... don't hold back. Barely or otherwise ... Let's see that procupine. It would make a great post on your Blog.

    God bless.

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  6. Bloody hell Victor I am trying to read this and I have tears running down my face from laughting so much I don't know whether to thank you for the laugh or say I am sorry you hit your head or to comment about the scary looking priest but I reckon if he is that scary looking and you come out with a bloody head it would make people think twice about what they confess to having done.......

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  7. Hi Jo-Anne,

    He did look rather scary, poor priest. A bit like the caricature at the top. He had a face of a skeleton; and big teeth too.

    I'm glad I made you laugh though!

    God bless you and yours.

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  8. hahaha. I don't think a blog has made me laugh so much ever Victor. So glad I came across you in this big www. Looking forward to the funny story meme. If this was facebook, I would have liked your comment and your post.

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  9. Hi Therese,

    I'm glad you're laughing. Why not download my FREE E Books on the right. Two of them are full of funny stories.

    God bless.

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  10. Cannot stop laughing!!!! My how you have brightened my day!!! Wishing you well!!! Cathy

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  11. Hello Cathy,

    Great to see you laughing.

    God bless.

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  12. Victor,
    You have to stop! Please stop so I can catch my breath! I read your most recent comment and howled all over again! I'm still giggling as we speak! Thank you for calling a spade a spade :)

    A laughter meme is a great idea!

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  13. Hello Mary,

    You're amongst the first to join the laughter meme. So let's get started.

    God bless.

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