Friday, 8 March 2013

Shoes



I was out walking in the countryside the other day taking some exercise and breathing the fresh air. It was a little cold and it was spitting slightly. That light drizzle which you get sometimes in Britain and it goes on for ages creating damp, wet and gray everywhere.

I kept walking down the country lane towards a village a few miles away, looking forward to a sit down in a pub with a pint of Guinness. Might as well wet the inside as well as the outside; I thought.

Anyway, as I walked on I noticed that I had a hole in my shoe; and it was letting in water. My left foot started to get cold and damp.

I stopped at a bus shelter which you sometimes find in the countryside and took my shoe off. I had miles still ahead of me; so I decided to make another hole in my shoe with my pen so that the water that came in from the existing hole could go out of the new one.

In the countryside buses come round every ten years or there about, so I had a long wait and time to kill. I sat there ruminating about everything in general and shoes in particular.

Do you realize that shoes are the most important invention in humanity?

Without shoes the human race would not have got very far. They would have stumbled their toes against a rock or stepped on sharp objects and got no further.

Armies of soldiers over the centuries would not have gone further than their barracks. The Romans would not have conquered anything and their politicians would have spent their time washing their feet from animal deposits left in the streets instead of telling everyone what to do.

It is fair to say that without shoes humanity would not have progressed at all.

Shoes are the most important item of clothing ever invented. One can be totally naked but without shoes one would go nowhere and be there for all to see.

My thoughts, for some reason, turned to nudist camps. You know the ones? Places where people go to air their differences.

I don’t know why people go to such places; but many do. Even on very cold days, I understand!  

I wonder if nudists wear socks with their shoes! I mean … how can they possibly play tennis in bare feet?

And if they play cricket or baseball, do they wear gloves, helmets and those thick leg pads? Or hats and sunglasses when it is sunny?

At what point does a nudist cease to be a nudist, I wonder?
Is a person wearing a hat, sunglasses, gloves, leg pads, socks and shoes - and nothing else - still a nudist?

My reverie was interrupted by the bus coming down the hill. I got on and dreamed of a cool Guinness waiting for me!


23 comments:

  1. Victor, I'm going to bypass the references to clothes, or lack thereof, because my sense of humour has already been rather less than prudent, this week, and my shamed head has yet to rise above my knees.

    However, I can in fact correct you on one serious error in your prevailing argument. Perhaps, if your bus had been late (as they inevitably are, over here) you would have come to the obvious conclusion yourself. You see, it's not at all true that human beings would have failed to thrive in the absence of adequate footwear or, indeed, any footwear at all.

    I have been conducting some pretty intensive research into my own noble ancestry and it appears that the path to greatness originated with the unrivalled Amazon warriors whom, history has observed, attained their supreme dominance over the weaker half of the species, completely SHOELESS!! Sad to say, their unfortunate hatred of their male minions almost led to the total demise of their lineage. Almost, but not quite. Little known in the history books was a chance encounter with a Pygmy, without which I would be unable to relate this story to you today.

    There is a moral to this tale (of course) and it goes like this: never set up a shoe store in an Amazon rainforest. No, that's not it. Never turn your back on a shoeless, 8 foot South American woman whilst waiting at a bus stop. That's not it, either. Hmm...maybe, there wasn't a point to this mindless drivel, after all...

    Still,, it feels good to write a sensible comment, after my week of faux pas:-D

    God bless, Victor:-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Vicky, I did not know that the Amazonian women were shoeless. Is that true? And did they hate their men because they would not buy them the latest collection of fashionable shoes?

      I'll have to research that further. Did you discuss all this with the Pygmy you met? I bet it went over his head.

      I think the moral of this story is that shoes with high heels make one taller.

      God bless.

      Delete
    2. Haha! Yes, you were right, after all - their stinginess towards shoes most obviously caused the total breakdown of their society:-D

      I didn't meet the Pygmy, Victor - have you ever met your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great--great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandparents 17 times removed? However, his legacy does survive in his female descendants who, to this day, continue their valiant search for a pair of heels high enough to equal the challenge of his vertically impaired DNA.

      Yes, I like the moral of your story - very sensible and surprisingly enlightening:-D

      As an aside, I've just discovered that there's no blogspeak for my laugh. It's not lol because it's more of a snorty chortle than an out of body guffaw. And, it's not a rotflol because I haven't reached the floor, yet. I'm thinking that Falling Over with Opulent Laughter might be more appropriate. What do you think? Would the full extent of my mirth be adequately conveyed if I respond to your next post with FOOL?

      Thanks for a great post, Victor - we always learn so much when we start chatting together!

      God bless:-D

      Delete
    3. Yes Vicky, I DID meet my grandparents 17 times removed. Every time they were removed they came back again.

      We tried to trick them and every time they were removed we moved house. But they always found us somehow.

      I don't understand all the Blogspeak. I don't use LOL because Mary told me it is something rude. You'll have to ask her what it means.

      FOOL sounds OK to me, if you wish to use it. What is important to me is that my stories should at least make people smile. If that happens, I'm happy. So a simple S will do as Blogspeak.

      Thank you for taking part in this conversation Vicky. I really appreciate it. God bless you.

      Delete
  2. It's the little things in life that make all the difference....thanks Victor.
    Andie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's true Andie ... we should never under estimate the power of shoes.

      God bless.

      Delete
  3. Victor, you are a wonderful storyteller! If I were a betting gal, I would bet you are smiling to yourself with every line you write...
    Thanks for the story and the smile you gave me this morning.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right Daily Grace. I often smile whilst writing these stories. They come out of no where into my head and I have to write them fast before I forget them.

      Thank you for your encouragement and support. I'm glad I made you smile.

      God bless.

      Delete
  4. What is it about a cold, creamy Guinness that makes it desirable even on a cold weather?

    Blessings,

    Jose D. Pinell.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know if you've tried it Jose. But a cold Guinness, poured slowly in the glass (the glass should be at 45 degrees angle to start with, then slowly raised up as it fills), this makes the drink have a white creamy top as the glass fills ... it's just ... the best drink ever. I hope there is Guinness in Heaven.

      That or a Fosters lager drank straight from the can.

      Let me know if you've tried it Jose.

      God bless.

      Delete
    2. Yes I have actually. It's one of my favorites.
      I like Fosters as well, but Guinness is one of my favorites.

      Blessings,

      Jose D. Pinell.

      Delete
    3. I forgot to mention, mine was more of a rhetorical question, as I love Guinness on a cold weather.

      Blessings,

      Jose.

      Delete
    4. Cheers Jose. I will drink to your good health.

      God bless.

      Delete
  5. Funny.

    And I love to go barefoot. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Barefoot is OK indoors Colleen. Until I step on a Lego brick and improve the family's vocabulary.

      God bless you.

      Delete
  6. creative, out of the box, off the wall and wonderful

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Melanie, I'm so pleased I made you smile.

      God bless you.

      Delete
  7. Replies
    1. Guinness is good for you, Barbara.

      God bless.

      Delete
  8. You are too much! Your post is hilarious and so is the back and forth between you and Vicky!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so glad Vicky and I made you smile, Mary.

      God bless you.

      Delete
  9. I often wonder how people in Jesus' time walked around in the "shoes" they had. Their terrains were harsh and dirty. And I'm pretty sure they didnt have a Guinness at the end of their journey!

    God Bless.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Michael,

      They of course had open sandals, or no shoes at all. Which no doubt made their feet dirty. This gives meaning to Jesus washing the disciples' feet. He got down and did what servants often did.

      God bless.

      Delete

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