Sunday, 1 December 2013


It had been a busy year for Theodore Luxton-Joyce, the lovable eccentric millionaire businessman, and he hadn’t been in touch with Father Ignatius for some time. So it was a surprise for  the priest when the phone rang early on Boxing Day, the day just after Christmas, and he heard the familiar voice.

“Is that yourself Padre?” asked Theodore in his well pronounced posh English accent.

“Yes … it is. Merry Christmas Theodore to you and your lovely wife Rose …”

“Yes quite … jolly good … what?” interrupted Theodore, “I was somewhat concerned at getting that other French priest on the phone. You know the one … you’ve had him visiting lately …”
“Yes … Father Gaston. He has gone back to Paris”.

"Jolly good I say … what? Never liked the French … Father Gaston being an exception of course … he was rather quiet and said very little … just as I like the French to be … what?”

Father Ignatius smiled and said nothing whilst Theodore continued totally unaware of what he was saying.

“Right … now that I’ve got you on the phone rather than that French fellow, I need you urgently to help me out! Terrible spot of bother … old boy … terrible I say!”
The priest frowned fearing the worst. “What’s happened?” he asked.

“Well … Rose and I had arranged a quiet after Christmas get-together for this evening and we’d invited the Mortimers … you know them? He’s a businessman working in the US most of the time. Very nice fellow and his wife too. Jolly pleasant both! But of course you don’t know the Mortimers. I've never introduced you to them.

"Have you ever been to America Padre? I’m sure the Vatican has opened a few Branches over there. Nice place America; I've visited often. America that is. Not the Catholic outlets over there.
“Anyway … as I was saying ... back to the Mortimers. They’re over here right now for a few days … visiting family … that sort of thing. Rose and I thought we’d invite them for a spot of dinner this evening. Disaster old boy! Disaster I tell you!”
Father Ignatius smiled again.
“Well, as it happens …” continued Theodore never stopping to pause for breath, “the Mortimers can’t make it tonight. Jolly bad show don’t you think? We’ve got most of the food prepared and all … well, Mrs Frosdick, the cook, and her staff have everything prepared anyway. And the Mortimers can’t make it for dinner. They’re stuck up North because of the terrible snow storms we’ve been having over Christmas. Totally snowed in and cut off from civilization and a decent drop of whisky I shouldn’t wonder! Terrible being without whisky at Christmas; or at any other time, I'd say!
“So I thought of inviting the Hendersons … now I’m sure you know them Padre. They live about a mile or so from us, just up the hill. I thought I’d introduced them to you some time ago. Not Catholics you know … but decent people all the same. Better than many Catholics I know, I should say! Anyway … dash it all … they’ve decided to spend Boxing Day with the in-laws. Now what kind of nonsense is that? I tell you. Who’d wish to spend Boxing Day with the in-laws? It’s just like being in Purgatory I imagine … what?”
Father Ignatius smiled once more at Theodore’s continuous rant and wondered what all this was leading to … and then it came.

 “Well Padre … as neither of them can make it tonight, I thought of you. Would you care to join us for a quiet spot of dinner this evening? We’re having a goose and Brussels sprouts you know … traditional fare for this time of year sprouts … and I’ll be playing the latest musical instrument I’ve mastered … the harmonica … much less stressful than the bagpipes. I can now play Chopin’s piano concerto on the harmonica as well as the pipes!”
The priest was amused at being the third choice as guest at the millionaire’s luxurious mansion in the country, but he knew that Theodore meant no malice by it.

“It’s so nice of you to think of me …” he said quietly, “but I’m afraid I’ll have to decline too. The problem is that this evening St Vincent’s Church hosts the annual Christmas Dinner and get-together for the old folks of the Parish. We bring them to the Church Center and Father Donald and I and a few of the nuns from the Convent prepare a Christmas meal …”

“Bring them along too …” interrupted Theodore with no hesitation, “we’ll make a party of it … we’ve plenty of room over here …”
Father Ignatius knew that there was little point resisting Theodore’s generosity and enthusiasm; so plans were hurriedly changed to reschedule the venue of the Parish Christmas Dinner to the mansion on the hill.
And so it was that about fifty people including the nuns from the Convent went to the millionaire’s house to enjoy Theodore’s and his wife’s genuine kindness. They all gathered in the grand dining room, which had been festively decorated at short notice, where they enjoyed the best food and drinks sumptuously prepared by the catering staff.

Theodore dressed up like Father Christmas to give each guest a gift and then he entertained them with a sing-along which featured him playing his repertoire of the classics re-arranged for the harmonica!

The following morning, Theodore Luxton-Joyce as eccentric as ever jumped into his car, despite the heavy Christmas snow making most roads impassable, and sped towards St Vincent Church.

Half an hour later he was in Father Ignatius’ office, having barged through Mrs Davenport, the housekeeper who opened the front door, mumbling about some emergency or other.
“Padre … we have a problem …” he exclaimed to the astounded priest sitting behind the desk, “I tried to phone you this morning but you were permanently engaged … I thought you were probably hearing some late Confessions from sinners who couldn’t make it to church because of the snow! Anyway … here I am. Got in the car and came over as quick as I could!”

“Sit down … take a deep breath. What is the problem?” asked Father Ignatius fearing the worst.

“I was in the library this morning … You know, the room annexed to the dining room where we had the old folk’s Christmas Dinner last night?”
The priest nodded.

“Well … just by the section where we have the books of Sir Walter Scott. You must have read him Padre! Scottish novelist, playwright and poet … you know … Ivanhoe, Rob Roy, The Heart of Midlothian and so on …

“Anyway … just by those books I found this beautiful gold necklace on the floor … what? Looks pretty expensive to me … must belong to one of the old ladies you invited to our Christmas party! Must have dropped it when they all went to the library for a spot of Darjeeling. The poor lady, whoever she is, must be beside herself having lost such a valuable piece … I’d say!”
Father Ignatius took the necklace from Theodore and said, “I’ll keep it in case someone phones and asks for it!”

“I’ll hear none of it …” interrupted Theodore, “the poor lady who lost it must be looking everywhere for it … under her bed … or behind the piano … or wherever old ladies hide their jewellery! We must get in touch with them all and ask them if they’ve lost this necklace!”

Father Ignatius looked up in disbelief. “There were about fifty old people there … most of them women … you’re not suggesting …”

Theodore was suggesting just that! And for the next hour or so they phoned most of the old ladies to find the owner of the necklace; with no success.

“Well that’s all of them … except these six who are not on the phone,” remarked the priest, “I’ll ask them when I next see them at Mass on Sunday!”

But Theodore’s concern would have none of it.

"I have the car out there …” he said, “why don’t we visit them right now? I also have a bottle of brandy in the car to keep us warm … always prepared what?”
Father Ignatius said a silent prayer in his mind seeking forgiveness for what he thought about Theodore right now. Then as a self-imposed penance he decided to accompany the eccentric millionaire on what would no doubt turn out to be a wild goose chase.

And a waste of time it certainly was. At every house Theodore insisted on accepting the invitation for tea and biscuits, or mince pies, or home made cake or whatever other delicacy the old ladies had prepared for Christmas. And at every house he regaled them all with stories about Sir Walter Scott and other Scottish writers and famous people, not forgetting to mention time and again his Highlands lineage and the fact that he could play Chopin’s piano concerto on the bagpipes!

“Where does he put all this tea?” thought the weary priest to himself, “and he hasn’t been to the toilet once!”

Eventually they returned to Father Ignatius’ office at the Parish House both very cold, dejected and exhausted.

“You don’t think we can have a drop of tea to keep us warm?” asked Theodore to Mrs Davenport as she came in to collect the empty cups from this morning.

Father Ignatius held the gold necklace in his hand and admired it pensively.

“You don’t think it belongs to one of the nuns who came to the party?” asked Theodore rather stupidly, “do nuns wear necklaces under their habits Padre?”

The priest smiled and shook his head. “It’s a beautiful necklace with a lovely little rose here in the middle …” he said, “You don’t suppose it belongs to your wife … Rose?”
“Dash it all …” cried out Theodore standing up from his seat, “I forgot all about Rose! That little flower on the necklace should have reminded me …
“I bought that necklace six months ago for Rose’s birthday in January. I hid it in Sir Walter Scott’s book Rob Roy, which I was reading at the time. I thought no one would find it there … no one ever reads the books in that library … what? The necklace must have fallen out yesterday when someone picked up the books.
“I’d forgotten all about it … and for the past three weeks I’ve been wondering what to buy Rose for her birthday next month. I got her a bracelet … I know that for sure … the thing is I don’t know where I’ve hidden it …old boy!”

Father Ignatius sought forgiveness from the Lord once again for what was going through his mind.

He gave the necklace back to Theodore and followed his enthusiastic rush to the car and waived him goodbye as he sped back to his mansion on the hill.
More stories about Theodore in the FREE downloadable E Book HERE


  1. Poor Fr. Ignatius. I lost patience just reading about that bumble-head Theodore.
    And why does he end his sentences in "what?", what is that all about? Is that equivalent to the American English "ya know?", or "right?", or some other annoying word that needs not be there?
    LOL. You surely know how to write, Victor. Your characters are provoking...what?

    God bless and have a wonderful day!

    PS - thank you for the recipe links!

    1. Hi Hand Maid. Thanx for visiting me again.

      Theodore is a charicature of a posh well to do English gent usually shown on TV and films as being somewhat eccentric and a little absent minded. Usually, such charicatures say words like "Jolly good ... what? ... I should say ... old boy ..." and such other words added to their conversation.

      Here's an example from the successful BBC series "Black Adder". Note how the officers speak and at one point the soldier says "I don't know what you're talking about"

      I've created the Theodore character as an eccentric absent-minded millionaire who really means well and is kind and generous. He is kept in line by his level headed wife, Rose.

      You may wish to download my FREE E book about Theodore ... what? Jolly good ... I should say ... splendid ... capital idea!

      God bless you and your family Hand-Maid. Thanx for your encouragement and support.

  2. Hi Victor! I know why no one was coming to Theodore's dinner. Goose and brussels sprouts?? PASS!! Just kidding of course.\
    What a lovely story, and how patient that priest is too. I think I'd be going nuts visiting all the ladies. You have such vivid characters, I can just see the priest and the millionaire with not much to do except chase down the owner of the necklace.
    You have such a fun gift for defining people Victor. It's fun to read!

    1. Thank you so much Ceil for your kind words of encouragement. I've often observed different people in life and bits, or all, of them are developed into my characters for my stories. Father Ignatius is based on three very kind priests I have been priviledged to know in the past. Their patience, love and understanding helped many parishioners in difficult situations.

      Goose is traditional at Christmas in the UK for the very rich who can afford them. More common is turkey with roast potatoes, sprouts, carrots, peas and "pigs in blanket" - small sausages wrapped in bacon. Also various sauces such as cranberry, bread sauce, and so on. No one seems to like sprouts - but it's traditional somehow !!!

      Theodore developed as one story involving fr Ignatius. Then more stories followed with this character so I put the together in a book.

      Thanx again for visiting me Ceil. God bless you and your family.

  3. I'll start off by saying, Readers, this is Victor too, I mean Victor 2 who is about to say, thank you for telling your readers that this story came from one of your books cause being a little eccentric at time and although I'm not rich and long story short, I thought that you might have been exaggerating about me a little about me. What? (lol)

    Again I thank you for making your books available free of charge and if truth be told, I just couldn't stop reading and got myself in trouble with my wife cause I was just spending too much time on The Internet! What?

    Yes so I'm just going to wait and read what you put here.

    Before I close and although there's so much that I want to say about your post. What?

    Anyway, I was first called eccentric when I was about 16 or 17 in the early sixties. Long story short, she had finished university and married a farmer and I worked for them, (God bless their soul) so when this lady talked I listened when she told me that I was eccentric. What? Back then I didn't even know what the word meant but I could never forget "IT". What?

    I was too lazy to look it up until I had finished working for these people and it hit me that she was right because the following year, they had hired three new summer students to do the work that I was doing back then. They had five hundred acres to hay and I would follow their bailer and stack the bails before he could lose me. What?

    OK there was one field that the old man could put it in third gear and he finished a few minutes ahead of me but to be honest, I could have never have done "IT" without the help of those gloves that they provided. What? :)

    God Bless

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words about my stories and how you enjoy them. Also for sharing your story with us.

      Some of my stories, serious and humourous, are based on true life events. Life is a great source of characters and inspiration for me.

      God bless you and yours.

    2. Oh my goodness, Victor M meets Victor! I hope I'm not to blame...LOL. (Only kidding.)

    3. Hi Manny. I believe he found my Blog via a comment I left on your Blog. Happy Blogging!

      God bless.

    4. Then I'm to Victor is actually a very nice man. A bit odd at times, but a truly good soul.

    5. Do you know him personally, Manny?

      God bless.



God bless you.