Now I know that every marriage has its difficult periods when disagreements come to the fore. Most are resolved amicably whilst others can lead to entrenched positions and total family breakdowns.
It's important to know which arguments are vital on principle and which ones are really not worth fighting to the bitter end.
For example, in our marriage I decide how to run the economy and how the country should trade with other nations and my wife decides that I should stop talking and take the trash out because it will be collected tomorrow.
Of course we've had other arguments in our marital bliss.
At one point we went to see another Marriage Counsellor. He said that his wife is also a Marriage Counsellor and suggested that we all meet together, him and his wife, and I with mine, and try to resolve our issues together.
I turned him down because I did not think the bed was big enough for the four of us together. .
Since then my wife and I have come up with a marital code on how to defuse arguments quickly before they get out of hand.
When an argument starts we both stop and wear a pan on our head. We go to the kitchen and pick up a suitable pan and wear it like a hat. Somehow, the argument in question gets into instant focus and seems easier to analyse and resolve.
Another alternative is to retire to different rooms and continue the argument by e-mail. We write to each other outlining our points of view and express our opinions and arguments in writing rather than talk them out. Somehow, writing things down takes longer than saying them and it makes us think before expressing ourselves. And it's all there on the screen so that you can refer to it again if your point has not been understood. Normally the argument is quickly defused because we get tired of writing anyway.
Another option is that each person has to outline their position on the argument for just a minute without hesitation, deviation or repetition. In just a minute you have to give your point of view. This sharpens the mind and makes you think whether the argument is really worth fighting over.
How do you resolve problems in your marriage?
Your approach to resolving matrimonial disharmony is absolutely legendary. Honestly, the mental image of both you and your wife pausing mid-argument, marching into the kitchen to strap on matching saucepan hats, is pure comic genius. It is impossible to stay entrenched in a bitter dispute when you are looking at your spouse wearing a piece of cookware, which is probably why it brings things into instant, hilarious focus!
ReplyDeleteYour other strategies are genuinely brilliant, too. When you two use the email method to defuse a disagreement, do you find that you still type out a formal "Dear Husband/Wife" to keep it civil, or do you dive straight into bullet points to get your argument across as quickly as possible?
As best we can, we try to keep our emails civil starting with "Dear Husband/Wife" or using first names. Although at times she calls me "Dear Idiot Head".
DeleteI prefer the wearing of pans on our heads method. This way it does not hurt when she throws things at me.
God bless, Melody.
Brilliant! I may (or may not) have giggled aloud at your first paragraph.
ReplyDeleteAs far as resolutions? Option #'s 2 and 3 sound so labor intensive, it makes me wonder if the argument is even worth it.
It won't be said I am not understanding. She likes ballet so I agreed that she goes with the marriage counsellor.
DeleteOptions 2 and 3 are a bit labour intensive; but they diffuse an argument as we really think what we're arguing about.
God bless you always, Mevely.
You've absolutely surpassed yourself in the brilliance of your take on marital disputes, Victor! The cartoon header actually says it all, doesn't it? Happy wife, happy life!
ReplyDeleteBlessings!
Your methods should be taught to every marriage counselor.
ReplyDelete