Little house on the prairie

 

There I was at home watching Little House on the Prairie on TV. 

Little House on the Prairie is a great program to watch after a nice meal, a few glasses of wine and port or brandy to follow. Especially at Christmas, even though it was not Christmas just then. You can sit there on your favourite armchair, half-asleep, your eyes closed and you don't care what happens on the prairie because it will all end well in the end.  

As I was half watching the program the front door bell did not ring. Someone was pressing it hard several times but it was not ringing. Of course, I did not know this at the time. Eventually I was alerted to that fact by heavy knocking on the door. 

I got up and opened the door, brandy glass still in hand.

It was a stranger. He said to me, "Your door bell does not work!"

"It usually does," I replied, pressing the door bell and it rang perfectly.

He did not answer but pressed the doorbell button and it did not ring.

"That's strange!" I said pressing the button and it rang again. I was confused and perplexed; in that order and in quick succession.

"Perhaps it's because I'm on the inside and you on the outside," I said stupidly and not making sense. I handed him the brandy glass and asked him to step inside. I got out and shut the door. I pressed the bell and it did not ring.

"You're right," he said, "this is a nice brandy, by the way. What are you watching on TV?"

I could hear him walk away. He changed the channel and I could hear horse racing on TV.

I knocked frantically on the door but he ignored me.

"Let me in ..." I shouted through the letterbox.

"In a moment," he replied, "I'm watching this race. I have a bet on the favourite horse ..."

"I'll call the police ..." I shouted again, "this is breaking and entering."

"I did not break anything," he said over the TV commentary which he turned up louder, "I entered because you let me in! Remember?"

I crouched down and continued the conversation through the letter box. "This is robbery!" I shouted at him.

"I stole nothing," he shouted back, "you offered me the brandy! Remember that?"

"But ... but ... but ..." I was at a loss for words and I did not have my Roget's Thesaurus to help me express myself eloquently as I usually does ... did ... do ... yes do!

"No buts about it," he continued, "you invited me in, gave me a drink, and let me watch your TV!"

"Aha ... there you are wrong!" I retorted, "I did not let you watch the TV. You usurped your position as an un-invited guest to sit in the comfort of my armchair, and benefit from the viewing of my TV, thus in effect stealing my electricity ipso facto as well as my right and privilege to enjoy whatever program I wish in the safety and pleasure of my own domain!"

(Did I ever tell you I'm a trained lawyer?)

This had its good effect. He switched off the TV, opened the door and said, "My horse has lost!"

Then he walked away nonchalantly down the road.       

It was pointless stopping him and phoning the police.