VICTOR S E MOUBARAK

Monday, 5 May 2014

A banana stole my bicycle

In town there is a pedestrianised street to allow people to shop and sight-see away from any vehicles and cycles. There are bollards at either end of the street to stop any vehicles from entering and signs asking cyclists to dismount whilst going through.

I leant my bicycle against one of those bollards and walked six feet or so towards the newspaper kiosk to buy a paper.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a banana appeared, rode my bike and cycled at speed up the pedestrianised street.

I chased after it to the shouts of the paper vendor screaming: "Hey ... come back ... you haven't paid for your paper!"

The vendor's assistant got out of the kiosk and chased after me.

There we were ... banana on a bicycle chased by me being chased by the paper assistant. At one stage I believe a small dog got away from its owner and chased after us too barking like mad.

The shoppers moved aside like the parting of the Red Sea for Moses and let us run down the middle of the street. What a sight it was ... chasing a banana on a bicycle!

I suspect the public thought it was some "flash mob" type stunt; so they stopped to see what would happen next. At the time I was wearing my usual green cowboy hat with a feather on the side, turquoise shirt and red tartan trousers. I heard someone say: "It's a Candid Camera stunt! Look how this idiot is dressed!"

I could have stopped and took umbrage at being called an idiot; but my desire to recover my bicycle exceeded my taking offence at the insult. So I kept running as fast as my little legs and rotund figure could manage.

I nearly caught up with the cycling banana and at one stage almost caught him ... her ... it ... What gender is a banana anyway? But it was too slippery and gave me the slip.

Eventually I ran out of stamina or energy or whatever it is people run out of when they can run no more. I stopped; huffing and puffing and struggling for breath.

The paper boy caught up with me and started arguing. A policeman appeared out of nowhere. I tried to explain that a banana stole my bicycle. The policeman asked me if I'd been drinking and why I was dressed as a clown. The paper boy accused me of stealing a newspaper, which technically was correct, although there were proper extenuating circumstances.

As we were all talking at the same time and no one was listening there was a voice over a loudspeaker booming "Cut ... cut ..."

We looked round and there was a small crowd of people with cameras, lights, microphones and all the paraphernalia used when shooting a film. The public watching all this suddenly started applauding and whistling their appreciation.

Apparently, some film crew were making a short TV commercial for a new fruit shop which opens shortly in town. The banana man was meant to pick up a bike from the bollard point and cycle up the street to introduce the advert. He inadvertently took my cycle by mistake, and my chasing after him ruined the whole shoot.

I paid the paper boy and got my bicycle back.

The icing on the un-wanted cake was when a small group of people asked me for my autograph thinking I was part of the whole ridiculous show.

12 comments:

  1. "I was wearing my usual green cowboy hat with a feather on the side, turquoise shirt and red tartan trousers." Do we get to see a snapshot?
    Victor, I have always felt God has a sense of humour...
    All the best,

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Noelle, I was running too fast to take a picture of me running. It's all a blur of rainbow colours. If you want to see another picture of me click "About the Author" at the top of this page.

      Of course God has a sense of humour. He created me, didn't He?

      God bless you Noelle.

      Delete
  2. Hi Victor! Well, you never can depend on bananas can you...always messing up the directors instructions. What a fun little parade you made, peeling down the street! No need for the gym that day :)
    How did you sign your autographs? I would have thought up an alias so no one would remember me. How about Usain Bolt?
    Still giggling,
    Ceil

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What happened Ceil ... one moment I was getting a newspaper and the next this banana type person took my bike and sped off. Obviously he'd taken the wrong bike; but how was I to know ...

      I told the crowd I don't sign autographs and just slipped away.

      God bless.

      Delete
  3. ((( I told the crowd I don't sign autographs and just slipped away.)))

    Victor #1! Why are some of my reality brain cells starting to think that you're not completely joking about this story?

    I hear YA! My story is just as easy to believe as stories like this below...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKyljukBE70

    Really? :)

    Well, we are in The Twenty First Century! Are we not Victor? LOL :)

    God Bless

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The last thing I wanted was to sign autographs.

      God bless.

      Delete
  4. Very funny, Victor! Okay, I think I have to steal Victor 2's line here and say that my reality brain cells are wondering if you may not be joking too :)

    I've seen your green hat with a feather before in one of the drawings at the top of your posts but I sure would like to see a real photo of you wearing it! (Or would I? On second thought...)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well Mary ... reality is stranger than fiction. As for the hat ... a friend got it for me years ago on a trip to Texas. You can see it if you click on "About the Author" above.

      God bless you.

      Delete
  5. Stop stealing my lines Mary or else I might just have to pay you a visit and then YA'll really be sorry!

    On second thought.......(LOL)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. On second thoughts ... maybe it is the hat that attracts attention to my otherwise shy personality.

      God bless.

      Delete
  6. Red tartan trousers are making a comeback. You are ahead of the trend, Victor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I'm always stylish me ... people often point at me and say "Look how he's dressed!"

      God bless you Hand-Maid.

      Delete

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