On Reflection - Getting It Wrong.

I don't know about you; in fact, how could I know about you; I hardly know you and I've never met you. So let's start again.

I'll tell you about me; and then perhaps you'll tell me about you. That seems fair, isn't it?

I find that often in life I seem to get it wrong. I have a decision to make; do this or do that, go this way or that way, say something or keep quiet, and more often than not I seem to get it wrong. Perhaps this isn't the case with you. Maybe you get it right the first time. But I don't.

Let me give you an example where I got it totally wrong. And oh boy; did I get it wrong. Big time wrong.

And that's the day I said : "I Do."

Two simple words, meant in total honesty, and yet they led to an eternity of un-happiness and regrets.

She asked me: "Do you think this dress makes my backside look big?"

I replied: "I Do."

I mean ... what is it with you ladies? Why do you ask such difficult questions? And do you want an honest answer or just a pack of lies?

What was I meant to say? "No darling ... you look fine." Knowing very well it is a lie which no doubt I'll have to confess later to the priest. What do I tell him in the Confessional? "My wife's backside is huge?" What imagery will that convey to his subconscious? And will I lead him to sin next time he sees her and checks the size of her rear?

Another occasion where I got it wrong is when I was travelling on business and I used to stay in hotels. One evening it took me ages trying to get out of my hotel room because I had mistakenly put the "DO NOT DISTURB" notice on the wrong side of the door. I kept seeing the notice and was not able to get out. Eventually the maid opened the door to clean the room and she let me out.

On another occasion I was driving to a far off place and listening to the lady on the Satellite Navigation System giving me instructions. She told me to turn left at the next junction. The lady sitting next to me in the car, however, looking at the map, told me to turn right.

What was I to do? Obey the Satellite lady and risk yet another eternity of silent treatment from the real lady sitting next to me?

Needless to say ... I got it wrong again!

And then there was the day it was my Birthday. As a present my wife got me two silk ties.

A green one ...

... and a yellow one.

As we were going out to celebrate I decided to wear one of the ties she bought me to show my appreciations. As soon as she saw me she said: "What's wrong with the other tie?"

So I got it wrong ... again!

Last month, to celebrate our wedding anniversary she suggested we go out somewhere expensive. "Don't worry about the cost," she said, "let's go somewhere really expensive for a change!"

So I took her out to the gas filling station to fill up the car with petrol.

And there's more, as they say. I remember the day when we had the mother-in-law visiting. Her middle name is Lucifer!

Anyway ... for dessert we had a choice between apple pie and chocolate gateau. I did not want to seem greedy and have both. I love chocolate gateau but I thought let's pretend to be health conscious and have the apple pie instead. After all, apple is a fruit; and it's healthy.

Little did I know that the mother-in-law had made the apple pie, and my wife made the gateau. I made the wrong choice again, and the silent treatment followed.

You know ... I think men were put on this earth to get all the decisions wrong. And women are here to correct them and show them the way.

It is said that Moses took 40 years to travel from Egypt through the desert to the Promised Land. Considering the short distance involved this must have been incompetence to the highest degree … but then, he did not have a Satellite Navigation System.

I reckon that unbeknown to him, Mrs Moses was asking for directions secretly and, when appropriate, she pointed him in the right direction at night when they were in bed.

Being a woman, she allowed him to take all the credit for getting there at last.

So there you have it ... in every successful marriage I don't think it is a question of compatibility. It is more a matter that one partner in the marriage should be slightly deaf ... preferably the husband.