Friday, 26 January 2018

Allo ... c'est moi, ici.

Have you ever wished you could take a holiday from being yourself? You know, being someone else but not you. Act totally differently from the same old same old you? Perhaps take a day off work and go to a town or city where no one knows you and pretend to be someone else. Perhaps speak in a different accent. Or dress as a down-and-out and mix for a while with the homeless to get to experience better how they feel. Or maybe be an angel and buy them food and coffee. Have you really never wished you were someone else for the day; anyone but you?

I like the French; and one day I decided to be French from there on. I got up in the morning, and after having a croissant for breakfast, (which I had deliberately purchased the day before), drank a black café and nearly choked myself on a Gitanes cigarette, I went out to the newsagent for my morning papers.

"Allo ..." I said to the newsagent, "Bonjour monsieur. Do you 'ave Le Monde and Paris Match pleeze?"

"Are you alright mate?" asked the newsagent having recognised me despite my beret and striped T shirt.

"Comment?" I continued in my best French accent, " 'ave you not zese publications?"

"What's the matter with you this morning?" asked the newsagent getting a little irritable, "why are you speaking in this terrible French accent?"

"Why iz it terrible?" I asked, making sure to pronounce terrible in French rather than in English, "do you not like ze French?"

"I like the French very much," he replied getting angry at my insinuation, "in fact I have a holiday home in France and we go there at least three times a year. It's you coming here this morning with your stupid hat and striped shirt pretending to be French. What's the matter with you?"

Now of course, if I am to have a holiday from being myself I had to remain in character and not go back to type as being me. So I asked him, "Do you 'ave Gitanes cigarettes?"

"No!" he growled.

"Do you 'ave Gauloises?" I continued.

"No!" he emphasised looking me straight in the eye.

"Wat cigarettes de France do you 'ave?" I asked.

"Look, I know you don't even smoke," he said. "So you either get your usual morning papers or you leave the shop right now. I'll set the dog on you!"

"Iz it a French poodle or a Papillon?" I asked. But I did not wait for a reply as he waved a baguette at me and threw a brioche which hit me at the back of the head as I left hurriedly.

This being someone else is not all it is cracked up to be. What is worse, when I got back home the dog did not recognise me and jumped at me biting me somewhere which changed my tone of voice, if not my accent, for the rest of the day.

Anyway ... to change the subject ... slightly. Some years ago someone suggested that the best way to keep a marriage "alive" is to have an affair with one's own wife. So my friend decided to try it.

The intention was that he and his wife would book a romantic weekend at a nice hotel by the seaside under the assumed name of Mr and Mrs Smith; a common enough name in hotel bookings. When he got to the hotel he discovered that his wife had already arrived about an hour before him and had booked in as Mrs Smith. Rather absent-mindedly, he signed the register with his real name instead of the agreed "Smith"; so they obviously gave him another room. 

His wife got very upset at his stupidity forgetting to say he was Smith. So to pacify her and rescue the weekend he suggested that the real him could per-chance meet up with her as Mrs Smith and they could still have a romantic weekend affair. She got very angry at the thought that he would cheat on her with a complete stranger in a hotel.

I'll never understand women!

How about you? Have you ever wished to have a holiday from being yourself and being someone else, real or imagined? Tell us who is your Walter Mitty fantasy.

12 comments:

  1. Thank you for your prayers! Luckily, I have never wished to be someone other than who I am.

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    1. Thank you so much for visiting me again, Terri. God bless you and your family.

      Delete
  2. What an interesting thought, and of course, humorous examples here, Victor. I've never seriously considered trying to be someone else. Acting is not one of the talents God gave me!
    Blessings!

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    1. Thank you for taking the time to comment, Martha. I sometimes try to imagine how I would react/act if I were a character in one of my books.

      God bless.

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  3. You should have asked for a bichon frise for the dog breed. Very French. Also if I came home from work one day and I started speaking French to my wife and trying to have an affair with her, she would have me locked away for insanity.

    Escaping from myself to be someone else sounds like a really cool idea. And when I get tired of being someone else then I could pretend to be my old self. That way i’ll be me pretending to be me. If that makes any sense.

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    1. I think, Manny, most of us at one time or another imagine to be someone else. Wasn't there a movement in Greek (?) literature that said when watching a play the audience get immersed in the plot and imagine/feel to be one of the characters. I believe they called it catharsis. You, being a well-read man, will have heard of this.

      So I suspect most of us at times say/think "If I were him I would do this in this situation."

      God bless.

      Delete
  4. Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving a comment.
    Very interesting question but I can't think that I've ever really wanted to be anyone else than who I am. Maybe a little smarter and an improved me, but I'm pretty happy being who I am. : )

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    1. Hello Happyone,

      So glad to see you visiting here. Thanx. Please return soon. You're right, we should all aim to improve ourselves.

      God bless.

      Delete
  5. What a fun post! I enjoyed living through you for the day!

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    1. Hi Mary,

      Thank you for visiting me here today. I am grateful. Please return again. I am so happy you enjoyed my humourous post. There will be others soon.

      God bless.

      Delete
  6. Interesting post and something to ponder. I remember being in the grade school and I wanted to be the person that was sitting in front of me. He seemed cool and smart but he wasn't anything that we weren't. We are all cool and smart in our little circle. I like being me but it would be a fun exercise to try being someone else.
    Have a great day!

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    1. It's great to see you here Bill. Thanx. I hope you visit us again soon.

      You're right, I suppose we all think it would be fun being someone else. As I speak French, when I am in a new town sometimes I speak English with a French accent.

      God bless.

      Delete

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