Me: Oh hi ... I'd like to book a room in a good hotel in Aberdeen for about a week.
TAL: Certainly Sir, when will that be?
Me: Now, right now ...
TAL: You'd like a room starting today, Sir?
Me: No ... no ... I'd like to book the room right now.
TAL: I understand ... and when would you like to stay in Aberdeen?
Me: Next month ... the week starting the 12th. I'll be staying for the whole week.
TAL: Do you have a preference of hotel Sir?
Me: No ... I don't know Aberdeen that well. I want a good hotel, not just a bed and breakfast.
TAL: Yes Sir. I have one available which I am sure will be suitable. May I have your name and address please Sir? ... ... ... And a telephone number where we can contact you? ... ... ... Thank you Sir. Will you require a single or a double bed room?
Me: Oh double bed ... a large bed. And make sure there's a TV too.
TAL: Yes Sir ... all rooms have a TV, telephone, Internet access, as well as adjoining bathroom and several other facilities. I'll be sending you a hotel brochure Sir. Meanwhile, I need a name for the other guest staying with you, Sir. Will that be Mrs M...?
Me: No ... no ... my wife will not be with me.
TAL: So it's just you, Sir?
Me: No ... me and Maurice.
TAL: Maurice ... That's the other guest ... May I have Maurice's surname please Sir?
Me: Just Maurice ... he has no surname ... Just Maurice and I will be staying for a week.
TAL: I understand Sir ... That's a double room for a week commencing the 12th of next month for yourself and Maurice. Will there be anything else Sir?
Me: Eh ... yes ... does the hotel have room service? Can we order beakfast and other meals to be delivered to our room? We'd rather stay in the room most of the time.
TAL: Yes Sir. There will be a menue in your room and you can phone your order which will be delivered at any time day or night. Some guests prefer to have a meal at all hours, like two in the morning, for example. This hotel will deliver any meal you wish to your room at any time for you and Maurice to enjoy.
Me: That sounds great ... One more thing. Will they also deliver bones?
TAL: Bones, Sir?
Me: Yes... raw bones, for Maurice.
TAL: I don't understand Sir.
Me: Maurice prefers raw bones before his performance.
TAL: I still don't understand Sir.
Me: We're in Aberdeen for the sheep dog trials. You know ... like in the film Babe, the pig who wanted to be a sheep dog. Maurice is my sheep dog. We're coming incognito. We'll enter the trials in the last possible moment. That's why we'll stay in the hotel room for as long as possible. Maurice is a champion sheepdog, and any news of his entrance in the show will affect the betting odds, you see.
TAL: Yes Sir ... I see clearly now ... (deep breath) ... I understand.
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