My teacher asked me to characterize myself in 5 words. “Quite lazy.”
A
child’s observation: If a mother laughs at dad’s jokes, we have guests.
What does a shark say when it sees a submarine? Yummy, canned food!
It's not that hard to get a job as a percussionist, you just have to answer the
cymbal questions.
Just like the economy, my waistline has suffered from inflation over the years.
The reason that Dracula has no friends is because he’s a pain in the neck.
Why does Mr Potato Head have a cell phone? In case Mr Onion Rings.
A friend asked me if I had seen the film "Tractor". "No", I replied, "but I've seen the trailer".
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "not very good at following instructions".
The worst thing about hackers finding your password is having to rename your dog.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
People say I'm condescending. That means I talk down to people
Statistically 6 out of 7 Dwarfs are not Happy.
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.
Tennis would be way more exciting if they used dogs instead of ball boys.
I would give my dad what he really wants on Father's Day, but I can't afford to move out yet.
What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home? "Where on Earth have you been?!"
...great one liners.
ReplyDeleteUseful in conversations at parties.
DeleteGod bless, Tom.
Those 'describe yourself' lines are great. ('Must admit, I didn't 'get' the first one immediately.) I might actually start watching tennis if they bring in the dogs!
ReplyDeleteGlad I made you smile, Mevely. Yes, it would be a great laugh seeing a dog pick up a tennis ball and run. I think tennis matches, like Wimbledon, take too long.
DeleteGod bless always.
A great batch of one liners. :)
ReplyDeleteThanx Bill. God bless you.
DeleteGreat puns. Please pray for my nephew who has a brain tumor.
ReplyDeleteMy comments are being posted as anonymous. I foresee another computer battle ahead.
ReplyDeleteI am praying right now for your nephew and for you too.
DeleteGod bless, Jack and Sherry.
These are great, Victor! I especially liked the second one. Blessings!
ReplyDeleteYes, that always happens. And when the guests are gone she'll tell him what she thinks.
DeleteGod bless, Martha.
Dearest Victor,
ReplyDeleteSome I now can underwrite:I t's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
When a car hits your bike and your left leg and throws you off—that sudden stop at the end WORKS!
Try hard being patient and see the swelling reduce and the wounds heal and the fractures...
Hugs,
Mariette
I hope and pray you are healing well, Mariette. I am still praying for you and Pieter and thank God that the accident was not worse.
DeleteGod bless you both.
Slowly I will proceed to healing...
DeleteSome great one liners!! :)
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked them, Happyone. God bless.
DeleteHeeheehee! Fun stuff, thank you.
ReplyDeleteThanx Mimi. God bless.
Delete'A child’s observation: If a mother laughs at dad’s jokes, we have guests.'
ReplyDeleteReminds me of my mom and dad way back in the day.
It was always so, I think.
DeleteGod bless, Linda.
Hahaha! These are great. I especially like the caveman cartoon.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad I made you smile, Manny.
DeleteGod bless always.