Flushed with success

 

Well the New Year did not exactly start with a flush of success. We had people round for New Year's Eve and most used the downstairs bathroom. I don't like visitors using our upstairs bathroom and play with my toy duck!

After First Footing we all gathered round the fire and sang Auld Lang Syne.

First Footing is a Scottish tradition that just after midnight on New Year’s Eve the first person to enter a house would bring good fortune for the coming year. 

The "first footer" is often a stranger, (neighbour or friend), who would bring with him some coin which represents financial stability, some bread for food throughout the year, salt to represent flavour, a piece coal for warmth and a drink, usually whisky, for good cheer.

Sometimes a member of the household, usually a male, would leave the house just before midnight, and then knock at the door and enter after midnight bearing the said gifts. 

As we sat down to eat and drink, the first footer came to me and whispered, "just been to your toilet old boy ... it's blocked!"

I went to the toilet and there, inside the toilet seat, was the biggest hippopotamus you ever did see.

At first I was afraid ... 

I was petrified! 

Kept thinking I could never live ... 

With a hippo by my side.

I didn't know whether to call a plumber or Pest Control.

I was concerned it might bite people where they don't want to be bitten. Can you imagine the Insurance Claim: "I was bit on the backside by a hippo in the toilet!"

I stepped back and said "Shoo ... shoo ..." like you would a cat or other creature. But he did not move. His head was sticking out of the toilet bowl and he stayed there looking at me.

I picked up the toilet brush, which in our poor household consists of a hedgehog tied to a stick of wood. 

I tried to push the hippo back with the brush; but the hedgehog did not like it one bit. He untied himself from the stick and said he'd resign from this **** job.

I pushed the hippo with the stick. He just picked up the stick in my hand and threw it back at me.

I phoned the Pest Control people. They arrived within the hour. The man searched in his book about various pests and vermin but could not find anything about hippos.

I asked him how could a hippo just appear in our toilet from nowhere. He said that he was probably holidaying over here and took the wrong turning by mistake. He must have come in through the window and wanted to cool off in the water.

The plumber called about an hour later but would not do any work until the Pest Control man got rid of the hippo.

I called the Animals Welfare people. They care for animals. They turned up and said they'll supervise to see that the hippo is removed humanely and with consideration.

All in all, none would volunteer to remove the hippo from our toilet. 

As you can tell. I am having difficulties ending this story which still leaves me with a hippo in the bathroom downstairs.

Any suggestions or comments would be greatly appreciated. Thanx.