Understanding the Bible

 

Often when we read the Bible there are certain bits we don't understand and perhaps take too literally. It is important in understanding the Bible to know the background of Jewish tradition.

Here are some examples:

In Matthew Chapter 22:1-14 Jesus tells a parable about a king preparing a wedding feast for his son. He invites many guests who do not turn up, so eventually, he invites all the people his servants can find in the streets until the wedding hall is full of guests. At the end of this parable there's an intriguing bit. The King enters the hall full of guests and sees a man not wearing wedding clothes. He is angry with him and gets him tied up and thrown out into the street.

Now this seems rather harsh treatment for someone not wearing the right clothes. Until we stop and understand Jewish tradition.

Jesus was talking to the Jews who understood very well that there are special clothes to wear at weddings. Almost every family had such special clothes in case they were invited to a wedding; even the poor would either have such clothes or borrow some.

No one would dare go to a wedding without special clothes. Even more important, traditionally the host of the wedding also provided special garments for those who did not have any, so they can borrow them for the occasion. So it was more offensive to the King for this guest to wear no garment.

This guest in the parable just did not bother; he showed disrespect to the King and his son; and was thus thrown out.

In the Gospel of John Chapter 10 Jesus says several times "I am the gate".

In Chapter 10 - 9 He says "I am the gate. Those who come in by me will be saved; they will come in and go out and find pasture."

This seems strange at first. We can understand when Jesus says "I am the Way" or "I am the Good Shepherd"; but gate? What does all that mean?

To understand this we need to visualise how a sheep pen at the times of Christ looked like. It was a circular or square enclosure built out of stone, wooden fencing or just hedges. And it had an opening through which sheep got in and out.

But shepherds in those days were poor people. They certainly would not have the money to build gates at the opening of the pen. They stayed "watching their flocks by night" with their sheep.

The pen looked something like the photo above.

And the shepherd would lie across the opening, sleeping with his sheep, and making sure that none would get out during the night. Also protecting them from wolves or other predators.

So, the shepherd was in fact the gate.

That's what Jesus meant when He said He is the gate.

He protects us from evil and stops us from going astray. 

" ... and if someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles." Matthew 5:41 

At the time of Jesus, when the Romans occupied the Holy Land, a Roman soldier had the right to ask a Jew to carry his luggage for him and walk with him. Imagine you were a Jew and a soldier asked you to carry his luggage and walk in the opposite direction you were going; ruining your day and other appointments. And you could not refuse. No wonder the Jews hated the Romans so much. However, the soldier could not force a Jew to walk more than one mile. After that distance he'd let him go; and probably pick another Jew to carry his luggage for another mile.

Hence Jesus' teaching to His followers and the expression to walk the extra mile.

Mark 7:24-30 (abridged) 

Jesus set out and went to the region of Tyre. A woman whose little daughter had an unclean spirit immediately heard about Him, and she came and bowed down at His feet. The woman was a Gentile. She begged Him to cast the demon out of her daughter. He said to her, "Let the children be fed first, for it is not fair to take the children's food and throw it to the dogs." But she answered Him, "Sir, even the dogs under the table eat the children's crumbs." Then He said to her, "For saying that, you may go - the demon has left your daughter." So she went home, found the child lying on the bed, and the demon gone.

As a Gentile she was not a person with whom Jesus would be expected to associate. We may think that He is being rude calling her and her people dogs. 

He is in fact saying that He came to be with His people first, (the Jews), and it is not fair for Him to spend His time with, and performing miracles for, the Gentiles. 

Jesus here is not being rude, or deliberately withholding love and grace from some people. His imagery, comparing the woman and her people to dogs, may be harsh, but Jesus here is doing two things worth noting:

He is testing the woman's faith.

He is sending a clear message to the onlookers who see what is happening; and who reported it to be written in this Gospel for all of us to read and learn. 

She responds back. She is not going to be put off by His refusals. Her needs are too important. Her love for her daughter is such that she is not going to back off at the first obstacle she encounters. She responds that even she and her people, unworthy as they might be in someone's eyes, are still worthy of God's pity and compassion. 

Jesus is impressed. He obviously knew how she would react; and He heals her daughter.

But the message He sends is there for all to see. God's love, pity and compassion is for everyone. No one is excluded. We are all worthy and we are all loved as individuals no matter who we are.

Psalm 22 was written by King David roughly a thousand years before the birth of Jesus of Nazareth. It depicts aspects of crucifixion well before this method of execution was devised and used by the Romans.

Here's a significant detail often missed. The Psalm identifies the executioners of Jesus as Gentiles. The Jewish leaders had no authority to kill Jesus. Only the Romans (Pilate) had that authority. It is he who condemned Him to death. Note the word "dogs" in Verse 16. This was the term used by the Jews when referring to the Gentiles.  

"Dogs surround me, a pack of villains encircles me; they pierce my hands and my feet."

Jesus was not insulting when He calls the woman "dog". He was referring to a language His Jewish onlookers understood too well.

John Chapter 20 Verse 7 After Christ’s death and burial, Mary Magdalene visited the tomb and found the stone rolled away from the entrance. She ran to Simon Peter and the other disciple and told them what she had seen. Peter and the other disciple ran to the tomb. When Simon Peter got in and went inside he noticed the linen wrappings lying there, but the cloth that had covered Jesus’ head was folded and lying to the side.

This small detail is often missed or misunderstood. 

In ancient Hebrew tradition the folded napkin was symbolic between the master of the house and his servant.

When the servant set the dinner table he made sure that everything was perfectly set out as the master wished and then he would wait out of sight until the master finished eating.

The servant would not clear the table until the master had finished.

When the master finished his meal he would wipe his fingers and mouth with the napkin and then toss the napkin on the table.

The servant would then clear the table, because in those days a tossed napkin meant “I’ve finished.”

However, if the master left the table but neatly folded the napkin and laid it beside his plate, the servant would not touch the table.

The folded napkin meant “I’m coming back!”

Bible Stories from the Old Testament

At the beginning God created Adam and gave him the task to name all the animals, birds and creatures of the sea. Adam was enthusiastic at first and as the animals passed by he said in monosyllables "Ant, bee, cat, dog, cow, pig ..." and so on.

In time, he became more adventurous and used longer words, "giraffe, horse, llama, tiger, panther, zebra ..." and so on.

But there were many animals and birds, not to mention all the fishes in the sea, still to be named. So Adam grew tired and he could hardly keep his eyes open. When the next animal walked by him he said, "Hippopotamus amphibius or Choeropsis liberiensis or Hexaprotodon liberiensis depending on the size of the animal."

At which point God hit Adam on the head with a dead bat and said "Don't be too clever, lad!"

And that's how we got the word Hippopotamus.

Adam asked God, "I wish I had some company other than these dumb animals! I wish I had another person like me ... but not totally like me if you understand what I mean. I like her to be beautiful. I want her to love me and to be faithful and loyal to me. To be always with me. To be able to cook and clean when things get a little untidy; but not when sports is on TV. And generally to be the best companion and friend any one in the world would wish for. "

"Good Lord!" said God mentioning Himself, "you're not asking for much are you? To have a wife like that would cost an arm and a leg!"

Adam hesitated and then replied, "All right ... what do I get for a rib?"

 The people of the Old Testament behaved badly, (like they do today). So one day God had enough and decreed that there will be rain for forty days and nights and everyone will drown ... except one family of a man called Noah.

God asked Noah to build a big boat. Big enough for him and his family and all the animals of the earth who will also be saved from the flood that is to come.

Noah built the boat, and eventually started collecting animals from all over the world. However he became over-enthusiastic and collected mosquitoes, wasps, yellow jackets, scorpions, and all other creepy crawly bad creatures on the boat. Remember that next time a mosquito or wasp bites you.

Unfortunately, in his total stupidity, Noah forgot to put all the dinosaurs and the dodo in the boat. Which is why they are now extinct.

Did you know that originally Noah was a farmer, not a boat builder. He is also the first man ever to plant a vineyard and to make wine. He drank it and got totally drunk so he took all his clothes off and lay naked in his tent airing his personality. 

His son Ham, (what a name), saw Noah naked and he took photos with his cell-phone which he then posted all over social media. If you don't believe me read Genesis 9:20-22. 

There once was a man called Samson. He had long hair which apparently gave him great strength. One day, because he was angry with the Philistines, Samson caught three hundred foxes. Two by two he tied their tails together and put torches in knots. Then he set fire to the torches and turned the foxes loose in the Philistine cornfields. He burnt not only the corn harvested but also that in the field, and the olive orchards as well. And that is how popcorn was invented. (Judges 15:4-5). 

People in the Old Testament were very violent, (like today). Fights often broke out between men ... and women too. So much so that a man called Deuteronomy had to write a rule book of combats. In it he said, "If two men are having a fight and the wife of one tries to help her husband by grabbing hold of the other man's genitals, show her no mercy ..." (Deuteronomy 25:11).

So remember this ladies next time you feel like grabbing a man's bits. Play fair!

 

 

Another person worth mentioning is a young lad called David. One day, the nation of Israel was called to fight the Philistine army that had gathered for war. A great Philistine giant named Goliath that stood at over nine feet tall came to the front of the Philistine battle line each day for forty days and mocked the Israelites and their God. Goliath called to them to fight but King Saul and the Israelite were scared and did nothing. 

So tiny little David volunteered to take him on. David took a sling with him and a few stones. He put a stone in the sling and swung it at Goliath's head. The stone hit Goliath and he fell to the ground and David killed him. Had David taken with him his girl-friend's bra instead he would have been able to kill two giants at the same time.

There are so many other lovely stories in the Old Testament. Like the one about a man called Moses who did not have a satellite navigation system and took forty years to walk a short distance through the desert.

To his credit though, Moses did try to teach his followers and the rest of us how God would like us to live. But did we listen?

You can read this, and many other stories in the Old Testament. Including the one about a big wall in Jericho which was brought down by people blowing horns. Remember that next time you go to an open air concert!  

Quick Read Bible

 

Imagine you can read a book from the Old Testament in 8 minutes. Or from the New Testament in as quick a time. Not possible.

Even the fastest reader in the world could not read a whole book from the Bible in 8 minutes.

Let me introduce you to a series of videos which outline a whole book from the Bible in such a period of time.

OLD TESTAMENT HERE

NEW TESTAMENT HERE

Try them. Let me know what you think.

Bible Study made easy with humour

 

Mevely asked me yesterday if I was writing a Bible Stories book for children. The answer is "No" but however, just for you, my readers, here is a quick summary of some stories you may not know.

In the beginning, God created the universe ... (Genesis 1:1 onwards - this is way before Phil Collins).

Then God created Adam and gave him the task to name all the animals, birds and creatures of the sea. Adam was enthusiastic at first and as the animals passed by he said in monosyllables "Ant, bee, cat, dog, cow, pig ..." and so on. In time, he became more adventurous and used longer words, "giraffe, horse, llama, lion, tiger, panther, zebra ..." and so on.

But there were many animals and birds, not to mention all the fishes in the sea, still to be named. So Adam grew tired and he could hardly keep his eyes open. When the next animal walked by him he said half-asleep, "Hippopotamus amphibius or Choeropsis liberiensis or Hexaprotodon liberiensis depending on the size of the animal." At which point God hit Adam on the head with a dead bat and said "Don't be too clever, lad!" And that's how we got the word Hippopotamus.

A bit later Adam grew tired of being alone. So he asked God, "I wish I had some company other than these dumb animals!"

God scratched His beard and asked, "What do you want?"

Adam replied, "I wish I had another person like me ... but not totally like me if you understand what I mean. I like her to be beautiful. I want her to love me and to be faithful and loyal to me. To be always with me. To be able to cook and clean when things get a little untidy; but not when sports is on TV. And generally to be the best companion and friend any one in the world would wish for. "

"Good Lord!" said God mentioning Himself, "you're not asking for much are you? To have a wife like that would cost an arm and a leg!"

Adam hesitated and then replied, "All right ... what do I get for a rib?" 

And that's how God created woman.

So Eve was created and lived with Adam. One day she asked him, "Adam ... do you love me?"

"I married you didn't I?" he replied turning the volume up higher on the TV. "Women like re-assurance every now and then!" she said coyly. So he said as he lit his pipe, "OK ... I love you!"

And that's why women today always want re-assurance despite all the flowers and chocolates men buy for them from the gas station when they fill up their cars.

And now another story. Noah was a farmer and he was the first man to ever plant a vineyard. He made wine, drank it, and became drunk. He then took off all his clothes, and lay naked in his tent. His son Ham saw Noah naked and he took photos with his cell-phone and posted them on Facebook. (Genesis 9:20-22 - still before Phil Collins).

In Olden times in the Old Testament people used to fight a lot; and that was before organised wrestling and boxing matches on TV. So there was a referee called Moses who wrote a book of rules on how to live, how to behave and even how to fight. This is what he said: If two men are having a fight and the wife of one tries to help her husband by grabbing hold of the other man's genitals, show her no mercy. You can read this in a rule book called Deuteronomy 25:11; and make sure you do not touch a man's bits unless he is your husband.

In another book of rules we read:  Aaron ... shall put both his hands on the goat's head and confess over it all the evils, sins, and rebellions of the people of Israel, and so transfer them to the goat's head. Then the goat is to be driven off into the desert by a man appointed to do it. The goat will carry all their sins away with him into some uninhabited land. Leviticus 16:21-22. And that's how we get the saying scapegoat.

There once was a man called Samson who was very strong and fought the Philistines. One day he went and caught three hundred foxes. Two by two, he tied their tails together and put torches in the knots. Then he set fire to the torches and turned the foxes loose in the Philistine cornfields. He burnt not only the corn harvested but also that in the fields, and the olive orchards as well. The Judges wrote about it in Judges 15:4-5. This is terrible behaviour and someone should have reported him to the Animal Protection people; but they had not been established yet - still before Phil Collins. Because Samson destroyed the corn fields and olive orchards, olive oil is so expensive in the shops these days.

Another person worth mentioning is a young lad called David. One day, the nation of Israel was called to fight the Philistine army that had gathered for war. A great Philistine giant named Goliath that stood at over nine feet tall came to the front of the Philistine battle line each day for forty days and mocked the Israelites and their God. Goliath called to them to fight but King Saul and the Israelite were scared and did nothing. 

So tiny little David volunteered to take him on. He took a sling with him and a few stones, put a stone in the sling and swung it at Goliath's head. The stone hit Goliath and he fell to the ground and David killed him. Had David taken with him his girl-friend's bra instead he would have been able to kill two giants at the same time. Anyway, David was not popular with anyone after killing Goliath, because they all had bet a lot of money that Goliath would win.

 

 SERIOUSLY THOUGH

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I bought a Bible on-line

 

I bought a Bible on-line. There are many kinds of Bibles. I like the Good News Bible because it is easier to read. But this is not the Bible I received. They sent another version.

I rang the seller because it was quicker to do so. It's a general book-store, not just a Bibles one. They have a lot of good books there but not mine. Mine are available for discerning readers HERE.

Anyway, I rang this bookseller and told the guy who answered the phone my problem. He was ignorant. A quality much prized in today's modern society. He said, "All Bibles are the same!"

I told him in no uncertain terms, and as politely as I could, which I am not accustomed of doing, that there are different types, or kinds, of Bibles. There's the Good News Bible, which I asked for. Then there is the King James Bible which is what I was sent, the New King James Bible, the English Standard Version, the Berean Study Bible, the New American Standard Bible, and the Amplified Bible to name just a few. I was proud of my knowledge of Bibles even though I was reading the list from my computer. 

I like it when I sound clever and the person at the other end knows no different. When I worked in London I was considered an "expert" at a certain subject. Whenever people rang me for advice I used to tap a few keys on my computer and quote the law, Act of Parliament, Chapter, Paragraph, Section and Sub-Section on any subject the caller asked about. They were all impressed at my knowledge and wisdom.

Anyway, I used the same trick with this hapless bookseller's assistant. He asked me to wait whilst he checked. Then he came back and said, "You're mistaken Sir, there's only one Bible, the King James Bible," which is all he had on the shelf. Well I tell you people, I am not as appreciative of the gift of ignorance as the rest of modern society is. I told this individual what's what and said I'd be e-mailing his employer and I expect an answer from the highest manager "tout de suite" if he values his job. He said there was no one of this name at the shop. I slammed the phone down and turned to my computer.

Half-an-hour later I received an e-mail which started, "This is Jesus. I can solve your problem."

I nearly fell off my chair. They really did go to the very top. Now I'm in real trouble for being so uncharitable, unchristian, unloving and every other un you can think of.

Then I realised that some people do actually call their children, "Jesus".

This fellow was polite and promised to send me a Good News Bible straight away. I asked him the price and he said it was free because of the inconvenience I'd been put through.

You see people. The Word of God is free. Jesus has paid for it.

It's good to have a Bible in the home as long as you read it. A brand new Bible is of no use if it is not read. Especially when you consider the price paid for it.

Exercise

How Well Do You Know Your Bible Stories?

At the beginning God created Adam and gave him the task to name all the animals, birds and creatures of the sea. Adam was enthusiastic at first and as the animals passed by he said in monosyllables "Ant, bee, cat, dog, cow, pig ..." and so on.

In time, he became more adventurous and used longer words, "giraffe, horse, llama, tiger, panther, zebra ..." and so on.

But there were many animals and birds, not to mention all the fishes in the sea, still to be named. So Adam grew tired and he could hardly keep his eyes open. When the next animal walked by him he said, "Hippopotamus amphibius or Choeropsis liberiensis or Hexaprotodon liberiensis depending on the size of the animal."

At which point God hit Adam on the head with a dead bat and said "Don't be too clever, lad!"

And that's how we got the word Hippopotamus.

Anyway, this went on for a while and Adam grew tired and forlorn, whatever forlorn means. So he asked God, "I wish I had some company other than these dumb animals!"

God scratched His beard and asked, "What do you want?"

Adam replied, "I wish I had another person like me ... but not totally like me if you understand what I mean. I like her to be beautiful. I want her to love me and to be faithful and loyal to me. To be always with me. To be able to cook and clean when things get a little untidy; but not when sports is on TV. And generally to be the best companion and friend any one in the world would wish for. "

"Good Lord!" said God mentioning Himself, "you're not asking for much are you? To have a wife like that would cost an arm and a leg!"

Adam hesitated and then replied, "All right ... what do I get for a rib?"

So Eve was created and lived with Adam. One day she asked him, "Adam ... do you love me?"

"Who else is there?" he asked.

"Just me of course ... silly ..." she said coyly, "but I like re-assurance every now and then!"

"I married you didn't I?" replied Adam turning the volume on the TV.

And so it went for years ever since with women wanting re-assurance despite all the flowers and chocolates men buy from the gas station when they fill up their cars.

So this went on for years and years with more and more people populating the earth and mostly behaving badly. So one day God had enough and decreed that there will be rain for forty days and nights and everyone will drown ... except one family of a man called Noah.

God asked Noah to build a big boat. Big enough for him and his family and all the animals of the earth who will also be saved from the flood that is to come.

Noah did manage to build the boat, (God knows how long that took), and eventually started collecting animals from all over the world. However he became over-enthusiastic and collected mosquitoes, wasps, yellow jackets, scorpions, and all other creepy crawly bad creatures on the boat. He either had a very warped sense of humour or he was an utter and total complete idiot. Remember that next time a mosquito or wasp bites you.

Unfortunately, in his total stupidity, Noah forgot to put all the dinosaurs and the dodo in the boat. Which is why they are now extinct.

Did you know that originally Noah was a farmer, not a boat builder. He is also the first man ever to plant a vineyard and to make wine. He made a delicate yet potent wine known as Château Ark de Noah. He drank it and got totally drunk out of his deluded mind. He took all his clothes off and lay naked in his tent airing his personality. 

His son Ham, (what a name), saw Noah naked and he took photos with his cell-phone which he then posted all over Facebook.

If you don't believe me, why don't you read Genesis 9:20-22. It's all there.

Anyway, years later there was another man called Samson. He had long hair which apparently gave him great strength. One day, because he was angry with the Philistines, (who probably did not appreciate his modern trendy hairstyle), Samson caught three hundred foxes. Two by two he tied their tails together and put torches in knots. Then he set fire to the torches and turned the foxes loose in the Philistine cornfields. He burnt not only the corn harvested but also that in the field, and the olive orchards as well. (Judges 15:4-5).

It goes to show how violent people were in them Olden Tymes of the Old Testament. Fights often broke up between men ... and women too. So much do that a man called Deuteronomy had to write a rule book of combats. In it he said, "If two men are having a fight and the wife of one tries to help her husband by grabbing hold of the other man's genitals, show her no mercy ..." (Deuteronomy 25:11).

So remember that ladies next time you feel like grabbing a man's bits.

Another person worth mentioning is a young lad called David. One day, the nation of Israel was called to fight the Philistine army that had gathered for war. A great Philistine giant named Goliath that stood at over nine feet tall came to the front of the Philistine battle line each day for forty days and mocked the Israelites and their God. Goliath called to them to fight but King Saul and the Israelite were scared and did nothing. 

So tiny little David volunteered to take him on. Or was he made to volunteer? Anyway, David took a sling with him and a few stones. He put a stone in the sling and swung it at Goliath's head. The stone hit Goliath and he fell to the ground and David killed him. Had David taken with him his girl-friend's bra instead he would have been able to kill two giants at the same time.

David was not popular with anyone after killing Goliath, because everyone had bet a lot of money that Goliath would win.

There are so many other lovely stories in the Old Testament. Like the one about a man called Moses who did not have a satellite navigation system and took forty years to walk a short distance through the desert.

To his credit though, Moses did try to teach his followers and the rest of us how God would like us to live. But did we listen?

You can read this, and many other stories in the Old Testament. Including the one about a big wall in Jericho which was brought down by people blowing horns. Remember that next time you go to an open air concert!