Tuesday, 3 February 2015

Marvellous Facts You'll Need to Know!

Did you know that Absolute Zero is the lowest possible temperature you can ever get to? You just cannot get any lower than Absolute Zero.

It is in fact -273.15° on the Celsius scale and −459.67° on the Fahrenheit scale. It is over 100 kilos on the bathroom scale if you have been over-eating lately.

At Absolute Zero nothing really happens. The buses will not run so it is pointless waiting for them at the bus stop. And don’t even be tempted to lick the bus stop sign whilst you're there because there may be all sort of germs on it.

Absolute Zero is also what most men get from their wives when they've said something that upsets them.

Another interesting fact regarding temperature involves crickets. You know, those little creatures who chirp incessantly throughout the night in summer.

Well, apparently the number of chirps they make per minute varies depending on the weather. The hotter it is the more chirps per minute; as many as forty or so chirps a minute in really hot steamy nights. But as the weather gets a little cooler the number of chirps a minute is less.

At a temperature of Absolute Zero degrees the insect does not chirp at all because he is frozen solid out in the cold.
 
Moving up from Absolute Zero, the highest temperature that has ever been recorded is on a ladder 35 feet tall. It was when an amorous young knight in Olde England attempted to deliver a plate of spaghetti to his paramour who was trapped in a tower because the door was frozen solid and he couldn't turn the key in the lock.

Which reminds me … I once saw a ghost with an eye-patch! He said he was going through the keyhole when someone put the key in.

Hot temperatures can be very hazardous to health, especially in the kitchen whilst cooking. Most accidents in the home happen in the kitchen. Scientists believe this would not be the case if people cooked their meals in the bedroom instead. But unfortunately people rarely follow scientific instructions.

The instructions on the packet of quick cook rice said “Take sachet out of packet and stand in boiling water for 10 minutes”. I did that and burnt my feet.

I also read in my Cooking Instruction Manual that to avoid tears whilst peeling and cutting onions you should do it under water. It works, but you have to come up for air every few seconds.

An elaborate meal is a bird within a bird within a bird. Basically you stuff and cook a small bird in a bigger one, say a baby partridge inside a chicken, and the chicken inside a large goose. Do not use a grouse for this because people with a grouse are not very cheerful.

To prepare a bird within a bird is very easy. Basically you have the chicken swallow the baby partridge and then the goose swallows the chicken. Whenever the goose opens its mouth the chicken’s head comes out and says “Cockledeedledoo !!!” and as it does so the partridge looks out of the chicken’s mouth and smiles. And swallows fly all over your kitchen.

I think I'll have another whisky now ...

8 comments:

  1. Speaking of cold weather, I think that our Christian neighbor is going to invite me for super again next winter... seriously, I over heard him saying to my wife "It will be a cold, cold day before I have your husband over again!"

    God Bless

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Brilliant. This is very funny. Great sense of humour.

      God bless you.

      Delete
    2. I've got to be honest... I stole that old saying from a music band who started off in our Canadian area in the late sixties... Back then when I was full of myself and had started a little band with a friend of mine who could make his guitar talk while I sang...long story short, we entered an amateur talent contest and that's when I picked up that old saying from the band below...

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mercey_Brothers

      I hear YA! You wouldn't happen to know who they stole "IT" from?...lol

      God Bless

      Delete
    3. It's still a funny line.

      God bless.

      Delete
  2. This is all very marvelous information...thank you. ;o)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Victor! Interesting about the crickets! Hopefully, they find a good place to hide when it's absolute zero.
    My husband used to wear contacts and cutting onions was never a problem. Then he got an eye infection and can't wear them anymore. Back to tearing up with onions again! (It beats slicing them in a pool!)
    Thanks for the smiles today my friend :)
    Ceil

    ReplyDelete
  4. The fact about the crickets is indeed true Ceil. They freeze up solid at Absolute Zero and can't make their way on a bus because they don't run at that temperature.

    I did not know that contact lenses provide protection against tears from peeling and slicing onions.

    God bless you and yours.

    ReplyDelete

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