Wednesday, 30 September 2015

Agony Uncle Vic

I was half-listening to the radio the other day. A gift I've developed over the years; half-listening. Especially when my wife talks; but let's not go there.

Anyway, this Agony Aunt type person was answering and suggesting solutions to problems which radio listeners had phoned in. I can't remember what the listener was on about, (half-listening, remember), but the Agony Aunt suggested that "you should get out of your comfort zone!"

I thought: WHY?

Why should anyone who is perhaps happy where they are in life need to get out of their comfort zone? Perhaps their comfort zone is where they should be at. Maybe that is the limit of their capabilities. Maybe anything beyond their comfort zone would create greater problems than what they have now.

Would you push an old person off a cliff to get them out of their comfort zone? Or drop them in the sea to widen their experience and capabilities?

When I worked in London our firm had another inane slogan: UNLOCK YOUR POTENTIAL. Whatever that means.

Maybe I like my potential to be well locked and away from prying eyes. Some things should remain private, you know.

Anyway, I thought. Who are these Agony Aunts on the radio or in the newspapers dispensing advice to all and sundry without knowing the details and intricacies of every situation? Are they doctors? Psychiatrists? Or what? In some cases they are no more than just celebrities given guest spots on radio shows and newspapers; and pretty soon they are experts at what they do.

So I decided to become an Agony Uncle. Here are a few examples of problems I've tackled:

Dear Agony Uncle Vic,

As a newly married man, I get embarrassed when I go to the rest room and break wind noisily. My wife could hear me. What do you suggest I do?

Dear Thunderblast,

Such foods like beans, sprouts and cabbage, nice as they are, tend to create gaseous substances therein which need to come thereout, sometimes accompanied with heightened decibels. Short of avoiding such foods, I suggest you do like me and take a radio with you to the rest room and play it loudly to cover up other unwanted sounds. I suggest playing "Blowing in the wind" by Bob Dylan is very effective in this respect.

Dear Agony Uncle Vic,

Whenever I drink something hot like tea or coffee I get a sharp pain in my eye. Should I visit an optician for this?

Dear Ivor Pain,

I suggest you take the spoon out of the cup before drinking.

Dear Agony Uncle Vic,

I am a politician and I've noticed lately that newspapers and news media tend to ignore all speeches I make and do not report anything about me at all. There seems to be a conspiracy of silence against me. What should I do?

Dear Politician,

Join it!

Dear Agony Uncle,

I keep getting lots of bills and invoices from the electricity company, the telephone company and many others, and I can't pay them. Some have threatened to take me to Court for non-payment. What shall I do?

Dear Profligate,

Do like me. Put all the invoices in a hat and once a week draw one out and pay it. If someone threatens to take you to Court don't put their invoice in the hat as a punishment.

NOW OVER TO YOU.

If any of you dear readers have a problem you wish resolved or want any advice at all, please leave me a message in the comments box below. No one else will read it except visitors to this Blog - which means just you and me!

16 comments:

  1. "Blowing in the Wind"---CRACKED ME UP!
    Blessings, Funny Man!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's a nice song, Lulu. Played loudly. Very loudly.

      God bless.

      Delete
  2. Dear Agony Uncle Vic,
    I set my alarm to get up in the morning, and then swat at it for an hour, rattling my snooze button to no end. How can I stop this habit and just get up when the alarm first goes off?

    PS. Thanks for solving my eye-pain when I drink coffee. I can't wait to go home and try it without the spoon!
    Blessings,
    Ceil

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Ceil,

      I suggest you set your alarm for much later in the day; like midday, or even in the afternoon. Chances are you'll wake up normally before the alarm goes off and you can proudly tell everyone you don't need alarm clocks anymore.

      Glad to hear you can now drink coffee without injuring yourself. I use straws to suck the liquid without even lifting the cup. It's what posh people over here in the UK do.

      God bless.

      Delete
    2. Nice! I'll have to pick up some straws tomorrow :)

      Delete
    3. You now know where to come for good advice.

      God bless.

      Delete
  3. Ah, Ah! I just knew you had an answer for my blues Victor!
    Many thanks Friend and God bless,

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Noelle,

      It's so nice to see you visiting me again. Thank you.

      The best way to wash your blues away is by putting something bright red with the rest of the washing in the washing machine. It's great fun and works every time. Although for some reason I get told off when I do it.

      God bless.

      Delete
  4. I can't tell you how much this has brightened my morning. My husband heard me laughing from the other side of the house. Now I know where to turn for all my advice. Blessings, Victor

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Kim for visiting me. I'm glad I made you laugh. Please return here often for hopefully more laughs, and advice too.

      God bless you and your family.

      Delete
  5. Lesson to a newly married man: Breaking wind in the bathroom is one thing. Breaking wind in bed gets you a swift kick where it hurts. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are you speaking from experience, Manny?

      God bless.

      Delete
    2. I'm not answering that. :)

      Delete
    3. Hmmm ... that's for the best.

      God bless.

      Delete

I PRAY FOR ALL WHO COMMENT HERE.

God bless you.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...