Loch Ness Monster

As regular readers of this Blog will know, yes ... that's both of you dear readers, I never or rarely discuss news items on this Blog. However, today I make an exception.

You probably all have heard of the Loch Ness Monster. I am not sure whether he exists or not, but for years the story goes that there is a large prehistoric monster inhabitting Loch Ness, a lake in the Scottish Highlands.

Some claim to have seen him, some claim that they have photographed him, and have shown such blurred pictures which remind me more of the mole on my mother-in-law's neck than an actual monster, whilst others believe that he is an invention to attract tourists to the wonderful lake and make money by selling replica toys and souvenirs of the monster.

Be that as it may, the fact remains that this story dates back many years with as many theories about the creature's origins, how it got in the lake, why it has never left, and whether it is a lone monster or there is a family of them down there in the dark waters of the loch.

Hitherto, I have not paid much attention to the story, although I have in the past visited the area and very nice it is too when it is not raining, or about to rain, or has just finished raining and it is getting ready to rain once more.

What has drawn my attention recently is the story in the press and news media that the Loch Ness monster has been seen in the river Thames in London. Click HERE - but not just yet. Finish reading this article first. It's so good I can't wait to read it myself.

Anyway, what makes me incredulous about this latest sighting in London is that, having checked Google Maps, for the monster to be in the Thames, it will have had to catch at least one train and no fewer than two London buses to reach the banks of the river Thames and jump therein. Believe me, I know London well having worked there for many years. There is no other way to travel from Loch Ness to the Thames. Unless of course the monster arrived by helicopter and parachuted down. Either way, it will have had to pay for the transport to London and surely more than one witness would have come forwards by now testifying to its existance.

All this reminds me ... I don't know why ... of my visit years ago to Paris when a drunk was dressed as a monster and he ran up the street and jumped in the river. Perhaps he was in Seine!

There once was an atheist spending a quiet day fishing in Scotland when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In a second the monster tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both. 

As the man fell head over heels, he cried out, "Oh, dear God! Help me please!" 

At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice from above said: "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"

"Come on God, give me a break!!" the man pleaded. "Two minutes ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"