Friday, 29 June 2018

The Long Trip Of Coffee


It was a few years ago when my work colleague Jennifer and I drove to the city for an important meeting with some clients. We'd decided beforehand that she'd drive her own car, giving me the opportunity to read a financial report I needed for the meeting.

On the way back home Jennifer decided we stop at a cafe for some refreshments. She knew that this place served every kind of coffee you could wish for, and of course, she was right.

It was mid-afternoon when we set off again on the way home, Jennifer in the driving seat, and I sitting beside her making notes about the meeting and every so often seeking her advice and opinions on financial matters. She was a keen accountant equal to no one, so her views were invaluable.

An hour into the journey home we met a delay on the highway. All three lanes were full of cars as we slowed down to a snail's pace. Pretty soon we stopped in what turned out to be the longest car park I'd ever seen. Ahead of us, for as far as we could see, there were stopped cars in all three lanes. Behind us, within minutes, a longer queue of parked cars developed into eternity.

Every so often, we moved forward a few yards and stopped again. There'd probably been an accident ahead, or perhaps road works. There was no way of knowing. We were travelling at about 5 miles an hour if not slower.

And that's when the coffee came into play!

I felt I needed to go to the men's room; but unfortunately Jennifer's car did not have such a facility. At first I put up with the slight discomfort which, with every passing minute, grew into ... a more pronounced pain.

"Why are you fidgetting in your seat?" she asked me.

Embarrassingly, I told her. She sympathised by hoping we'd soon be out of this slow traffic.

Fifteen minutes later I became desparate. We'd been at a standstill for quite a while with cars parked all around us.

Jennifer said she had an idea. She got out of the car, opened the boot, and came back holding a small potty in her hand.

"We always keep this in the car for my young son," she said, "perhaps you could use it and then discreetly empty it on the road."

"What?" I asked in a panic, "I couldn't possibly ... besides, it's too small ..."

"I'm not asking you to place it on the ground and stand on the seat aiming at it!" she said irritably, "just do it sitting down."

"With you here beside me watching me? It's too embarrassing ... " I replied crossing my legs together.

"Forget it ..." she said with gritted teeth as she drove forward a few yards and put the brakes on suddenly turning my pronounced pain into extreme agony.

"What I meant ..." I said soothingly, "the potty is too small for me to use fully ..."

"Do it in stages ..." she replied increasing her level of irritability.

"I can't just turn it on and off like a faucet" I pleaded sheepishly.

And that's when I realised the reason for her uncharacteristic bad temper.

"And I can't exactly lift my dress and sit on the potty inside the car, can I?" she hissed under her breath, "or would you prefer me to sit on the potty in full view in the middle of the road?"

She was obviously in the same coffee predicament as myself.

We drove silently for about twenty minutes when we eventually reached an exit on the highway. As soon as we left the highway I asked her to stop by some woodland and I ran behind a tree and some bushes to commune with nature.

Jennifer, on the other hand, was much more of a lady than I ever was, or will be. She got out of the car and asked me to drive.

I sped to the nearest diner a mile or so ahead where we welcomed a much earned comfort break; and then we sat down and enjoyed their variety of coffees.

28 comments:

  1. Gosh not an experience one would ever forget.

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    1. Quite Christine ... the very thought ...

      God bless.

      Delete
  2. Oh my gosh, I can empathize! Been there!
    If car manufacturers can heat and cool car seats, you'd think they'd could outfit automobiles with a little button that retracts an 'certain' area of one's seat -- providing access to a wee porta-potty.

    I've a dear blog friend who lives/travels in their motor coach. One day while STUCK sitting still in a traffic jam on the interstate, they were startled by a knock on the door. Another nearby motorist explained her elderly mother had to 'go' in the worst way; could she please use Jack and Sherry's bathroom? (I loved that story!)

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    1. Oh dear ... Mevely. An inspiration for yet another Blog post. Let me think about this for a while. Of course, I am sorry to hear about the elderly mother, but I could change the characters perhaps and make a comic story out of this.

      Do you mind me using this as a base for a story?

      God bless.

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    2. Oh, I don't mind at all ... thank you ... but it's not my story to tell ... rather dear biog friend, Jack, at Ship's Log. http://shipslog-jack.blogspot.com/ I'm sure he'd enjoy meeting you, Victor!

      Delete
    3. Thank you Mevely. I'll visit Jack right now.

      Please visit me again tomorrow and hopefully I'll have a story written by then.

      God bless.

      Delete
  3. Oh this really happened? I thought it was one of your far fetched tales. Not much we can do in those situations, is there.

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    1. I am not sure whether it actually happened or I imagined it, Manny. I'll ask my work colleague Jennifer when I next meet her ... in her car ... on our way back home after drinking a lot of coffee ...

      Oh the memories ...

      God bless you my friend.

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  4. That's the problem with coffee and traffic jams! When we had a massive tie up during a monster snow storm here in the Atlanta area, I'm sure there were plenty of soiled seats in those stranded cars. No, it is never a good place to be, but I did get a great chuckle out of this one.
    Blessings, Victor!

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    1. It is quite a predicament to be in, Martha.

      If they can send people on the moon why can't they invent cars with toilets? Where/how do astronauts go to the toilet when on a spaceship? What about lack of gravity in the spaceship? How do you go to the toilet then? What if an astronaut breaks wind in his space suit? He can't run away from the smell.

      As you can see, Martha, my brain is working overtime right now.

      God bless.

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  5. I know that feeling and it isn't a good one. If we are going somewhere in the morning, my wife refuses to drink something until she comes home. Might be a good strategy. :)

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    1. I agree with your wife's strategy, Bill. Often, on roads there are few comfort breaks available. It's better on the motorways ... sometimes.

      God bless.

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  6. Seems like many of us have had similar experiences stuck in traffic with full bladders! Much easier for men to get relief than women! LOL Looking forward to another collaboration between you and Mevelyn!

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    1. Yes Terri, it may be easier for men. But still difficult putting the potty on the floor of the car and standing on the car seat whilst doing it. My head kept hitting the car roof and I was bent over double. Jennifer would have just sat there in the driving seat with the potty under her. But she did not want to do it this way !!!!

      Hopefully, a new story inspired by Mevely soon.

      God bless.

      Delete
  7. Ah! The joys of being human.

    One of the possible reasons for traffic standstill reminded me of an old gag: Minnesota is a four-season state; fall, winter, spring and road work.

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    1. Hi Brian,

      I agree with your comment about road works. We have them all the time here. Why do they have to carry out road works on busy roads and motorways every one uses? Why can't they do roadworks in remote areas like the desert, or in forests or far away un-visited areas?

      God bless.

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  8. I was laughing so hard that you guessed it...thank goodness I was home reading this and not in the car...still lol!!!

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    1. There you go, Jan. I have my uses after all!!! From now on I'll be known as Vic Diuretic.

      God bless you.

      Delete
  9. Oh, I felt your pain while reading the story, Victor. So grateful for happy endings :}

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    1. Thank you Chris. It was quite a coffee filled adventure.

      God bless.

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  10. Oh I think this has happened to all of us at one time or another.
    I try not to drink anything if I know I'll be traveling.

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    1. Yes Happyone; that's a lesson I soon learnt.

      God bless you.

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  11. HEY victor. Just a note. I had a note from friend 'Meverly' about your situation. And Yes, we have been fortunate to be able to relieve a couple people stuck in traffic. I have said it a thousand times, this motor home is so danged convenient. If you can use the incident 'M' described in a story or blog feel free to use it. Funny that. We have some nice homes to live in, but at 80 yrs young this Motor home is our HOME. We are parked behind a home I built for us. My sister has lived in it for 10 years. She just passed. We are in a mixed mind. is it time to settle or keep living on the road.
    Anyway I enjoyed the read and I can sympathize with the situation, because I have been there.

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    1. Hello Jack,

      It's so nice to meet you. Thank you for visiting me. I am so sorry to hear about your sister. Please accept my sincere condolences. Praying for you all.

      God bless.

      Delete
  12. Yes, I believe we have all been in that predicament. I always have the greatest empathy for those in need! Been there myself a few times.

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    1. We should perhaps start a club of all those people who "have been there", Denise. We'll call it the "Caught Short Club".

      God bless.

      Delete
  13. I think we have all been in this predicament!
    I also think the older we get the more likely the predicament!

    Not only do we plan the route but perhaps factor in some toilet/comfort breaks.

    Wishing you a wonderful weekend - it's a hot one again!

    All the best Jan

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    1. When we plan a route we always check were the toilets are on the motorway. I think we probably visited most toilets in Britain.

      Here in the UK it is very hot 30 degrees C in the shade. I was clever and did not stay in the shade!

      God bless.

      Delete

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