Where do the thoughts come from?

 

I was thinking the other day ... where do thoughts come from? Do they originate from one's brain, I wonder? Do they start as a small thought which grows bigger or is it a chain of little thoughts following each other? Like a train of thoughts. 

I went to the train station and they said that my train is cancelled due to shortage of staff. Why can't they employ taller ones?

My thoughts took me to when I was sixteen and I did not share my cake with my friends at school. The teacher witnessed it and muttered under his breath, "you selfish!" 

So when I left school I became a fishmonger.

Another teacher gave me good advice. He said there are two words in life which will open many doors for you - PULL and PUSH.

Years later as a young man I used to lie on my bed looking up at the sky, at the beautiful full moon and the hundreds of stars and think ... one day I'll have to put a roof on this house. 

One day I suddenly got very hot ... and the smoke alarm started screaming. And I thought ... why can't they put a snooze button on smoke alarms?

When the fire brigade arrived a fireman looked through the open window and shouted, "can't you hear the fire alarm?"

I said, "Yes I do, but there's no way of switching it off!"

When I was young I grew up in a very rough district. Poverty, crime and deprivation. Bad neighbours and parents who did not care much for their children. My friend Eric did not know what it felt like to be wanted until he saw his photo on a police notice board.

It was the sort of neighbourhood where if you asked people for directions they would show you the way and then follow you to make sure you got there.

My parents were very good to me. But they often made me walk the plank ... we did not have a dog. Like most people we were very poor. We could not even afford the essentials. For example, we used to tie a dead hedgehog to a stick and use it as a toilet brush.

Our toilet door had no lock on it. We were all good singers. Except me. I used to sit with my leg stretched out against the toilet door. Sadly, I forgot it opened outwards.

As I recall people in them days were often sick. Dad's friend went to the doctor's with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in the right ear.

"What's the matter with me?" he asked the medic.

The doctor replied, "You're not eating properly!"

I remember one day there was a terrible accident at a wedding. The photographer was badly injured when a huge lump of cheese fell on him. To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.

Anyway, I was thinking  ... do you realise that coffee is not everyone's cup of tea?

History too; and geography, not everyone likes them. Did you know that  the Battle of Hastings took place on 14 October 1066 between the Norman-French army of William the Conqueror and an English army led by King Harold. 

King Harold was hit in the eye by an arrow. As he laid dying a lawyer approached him and said, "Have you been injured at work through no fault of your own? You could be entitled to compensation!"

I notice small things like that, you know ... for example, short people with umbrellas tend to catch my eye.

It's amazing all the new products they have for sale these days which did not even exist when we were young. For example, I bought a modern memory mattress for our bedroom. Now it is trying to blackmail me. 

At the department store I tried to buy a pink negligee for my wife. I picked up one and I asked the saleslady, "Is this satin?"

She replied, "no, it's brand new!"

On my way home I met the priest walking his dog. The brute jumped on me and bit me. The priest, not the dog! 

Then he said, "this is Karma!"

I said, "he looks very angry now that you bit me!"

Anyway ... I had to take a friend to the vet today. Nothing wrong with her of course; otherwise I would have driven her to the doctor's or hospital. She was OK. It was her hamster. He just sat there at the corner of his cage not moving for two days. Not interested in food or his little wheel. So we took him cage and all to the vet.

Turned out he had swallowed a fridge magnet and was stuck to the railings of the cage! 

All of which reminds me of the day I nearly landed in hospital myself. We were camping in the mountains, my friends and me. After a day or two they complained that our tent was rather untidy and needed a clean. I had in the car a battery operated vacuum cleaner. Surprising how good they are and handy to have around.

I vacuum cleaned the tent and the cleaner was so powerful it sucked in the whole tent with me inside it. I nearly suffocated gasping for breath. No one could hear me scream because sound does not travel in a vacuum.

Eventually, the battery power ran out and the vacuum cleaner stopped. When my friends returned to the site all they could find was the cleaner. No tent. No me. Just the vacuum cleaner!

That's enough thoughts for one day ... don't you think!