Things I don't understand

It seems to me that the more I learn the more I find out what I do not know. There are just too many facts in the world, and too many things for anyone to know them all. That's why people tend to specialise in one or two subjects and become expert at them rather than learn everything.

I've tried in life to have a general education, despite people telling me when I was young that I wouldn't amount to much.

But despite my attempts at learning I still don't understand the differences in wines, for instance. Some people can tell you the vintage, year, type of grape and so on by just sniffing or tasting the wine. But I can't tell the difference between a red or a white or rose, or whether it is sparkling or not. If you were to change glasses whilst I was not looking I would not know you did it. They all taste the same regardless of their colour.

In a posh restaurant once where they charge you a fortune for just sitting there the waiter, or sommelier, as he called himself, gave me a couple of drops to taste. I thought I wouldn't pay a fortune for just two drops, so I said, "Fill it up my good friend; I'm not a wee birdie you know!" I was told afterwards I should have tasted it and told him it was OK. What's the point in that? Has anyone ever said it is not OK? It tastes like vinegar mixed with mosquito wee?

And by the way, what is a sommelier? I thought it was a French boot made of wood.

Then when the food waiter came, he seemed upset when I asked for a steak tartare well done. I heard him mumble something in French under his breath. I had to look up in my pocket French/English dictionary the meaning of "imbecile".

When the raw meat arrived and I was told by my girlfriend not to make a scene, he got more upset when I asked for tomato Ketchup. Is it my fault if a posh restaurant like his ran out of Ketchup?

Food is not the only thing I don't understand. Music too. I like various music from Nessun Dorma where a fat person always sings in a loud voice, to the Beatles or Country music. But my problem is learning to play an instrument. I tried the guitar when I took evening lessons at College. My fingers always got entangled in the strings. Why do they put the strings so close to one's fingers? I experimented with various instruments and eventually settled on the drums. I practiced at home day and night. I played so well the neighbours broke our windows to hear me better. They also invited the police to come and listen to me. I am now learning the paper and comb instrument.

As for literature? Forget it. At school I was taught about Chaucer, Shakespeare, and various other writers including French and Italian ones like Voltaire, Racine, Moliere, Goldoni, Dante, Machiavelli, and many others. Did any of them help me in later life? When's the last time I had to quote any of them in  life?

My conversations are more interesting As I Quote Myself. Try it.