Friday, 22 May 2026

Radio Talk-Show

 

Radio Presenter: Hi, you are listening to VSEM Radio and this is Vic M hosting this week's Talk-Show. Who's our first caller on line 1?

Caller 1: Hello ... this is Ivor Blast ... I don't know how to begin.

Vic M: Tell us what's on your mind Ivor.

Caller 1: As a newly married man, I get embarrassed when I go to the rest room and break wind noisily. My wife could hear me. What do you suggest I do?

Vic M: Such foods like beans, sprouts and cabbage tend to create gaseous substances therein which need to come out noisily. I suggest you take a radio or music player with you to the rest room and play it loudly to cover up any  unwanted sounds. I recommend playing "Blowing in the wind" by Bob Dylan is very effective in this respect. Who's our next caller?

Caller 2: I'm afraid this is a medical problem ...

Vic M: Don't worry caller; tell us what it is and we'll try to help you, or perhaps look it up on Google for you. What's your problem?

Caller 2: Whenever I drink tea or coffee I get a very sharp pain in my eye.  

Vic M: Take the damn spoon out of the cup you fool and stop wasting our time. Next caller?

Caller 3: This is Robert ... We live in an apartment block and the walls here are too thin. To get straight to the point - at night we hear the young couple living in the apartment next to us making very personal noises from their bedroom. What do you suggest we do?

Vic M: A tricky problem this which should be tackled with tact and diplomacy. I suggest that you and your wife or girl-friend make similar louder noises at night. This will have two possible results. Either your neighbours will realise the walls are too thin and tone down their love-making; or you'll make some new friends! Next caller please? 

Caller 4: Help me please ... this is Denise ... I'm all alone here ... I heard your late night show on the car radio. The car has broken down in Walton Woods and I phoned the Car Rescue Company but they are taking too long to arrive. I'm frightened .... on my own ... there are noises in the woods.

Vic M: You are not alone Denise. I know Walton Woods well; many people believe they are haunted because of ancient historical battles which took place there. Personally I think this is nonsense. Some people think aliens from outer-space frequent those woods in search of people to abduct and dissect. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts Denise? Denise ... are you there? Denise ... oh well, perhaps her car started working again. Next caller please?

Caller 5: Is Martin there?

Vic M: Martin ? Martin who?

Caller 5: Oh sorry ... I think I got the wrong number ... I was looking for my husband Martin and I'm ringing his friends ...

Vic M: Well I assure you he's not here. I'll move the microphone all round the studio ... you can't hear him because he is not here ... ... ... (voice of woman crying). Honestly ... he is not here ...

Caller 5: I think he is with another woman ... (crying) ... I have found articles of women's under-clothing in the car. He started wearing Cologne after-shave again and flossing his teeth and changes socks every day. Do you think he is having an affair? (Crying).

Vic M: Many men floss their teeth ... look ... I think you and Martin should have an honest talk.

Caller 5: You mean I should tell him that our three kids are not his?

Vic M: Ehm ... well ... I did not know that ... 

Caller 5: Actually ... I am phoning on behalf of a friend ...

Vic M: In that case you should ask your friend where Martin is ... Personally I think ... (She hangs up). Hello ... are you still there? I think she's gone ... Who do we have on line 2?

Caller 6: Hi this is Martin. I just heard your conversation with my wife. I can assure you those kids are mine. I know when and where they were conceived because my twin brother told me. (Line goes dead). 

Vic M: Well I never ...

Caller 7: You must have surely ... anyway ... nice show so far!

Vic M: Ehm ... I didn't realise the microphone was on. Who is this?

Caller 7: It is Albert Einstein; have you seen my brother Frank?

Vic M: Frank? No I haven't seen him. What do you want to talk about Albert?

Caller 7: I want to explain to your listeners my Theory of Relativity. The richer a man is the more relatives will attend his funeral.

Vic M: Thank you Albert. And on this note we end tonight's Talk-Show. This is Vic M on VSEM Radio saying goodbye and God bless.

No comments:

Post a Comment

I PRAY FOR ALL WHO COMMENT HERE.

God bless you.