Radio Talk-Show

 

Radio Presenter: Hi, you are listening to VSEM Radio and this is Vic M hosting this week's Talk-Show. Who's our first caller on line 1?

Caller 1: Hello ... this is Ivor Blast ... I don't know how to begin.

Vic M: Tell us what's on your mind Ivor.

Caller 1: As a newly married man, I get embarrassed when I go to the rest room and break wind noisily. My wife could hear me. What do you suggest I do?

Vic M: Such foods like beans, sprouts and cabbage tend to create gaseous substances therein which need to come out noisily. I suggest you take a radio or music player with you to the rest room and play it loudly to cover up any  unwanted sounds. I recommend playing "Blowing in the wind" by Bob Dylan is very effective in this respect. Who's our next caller?

Caller 2: I'm afraid this is a medical problem ...

Vic M: Don't worry caller; tell us what it is and we'll try to help you, or perhaps look it up on Google for you. What's your problem?

Caller 2: Whenever I drink tea or coffee I get a very sharp pain in my eye.  

Vic M: Take the damn spoon out of the cup you fool and stop wasting our time. Next caller?

Caller 3: This is Robert ... We live in an apartment block and the walls here are too thin. To get straight to the point - at night we hear the young couple living in the apartment next to us making very personal noises from their bedroom. What do you suggest we do?

Vic M: A tricky problem this which should be tackled with tact and diplomacy. I suggest that you and your wife or girl-friend make similar louder noises at night. This will have two possible results. Either your neighbours will realise the walls are too thin and tone down their love-making; or you'll make some new friends! Next caller please? 

Caller 4: Help me please ... this is Denise ... I'm all alone here ... I heard your late night show on the car radio. The car has broken down in Walton Woods and I phoned the Car Rescue Company but they are taking too long to arrive. I'm frightened .... on my own ... there are noises in the woods.

Vic M: You are not alone Denise. I know Walton Woods well; many people believe they are haunted because of ancient historical battles which took place there. Personally I think this is nonsense. Some people think aliens from outer-space frequent those woods in search of people to abduct and dissect. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts Denise? Denise ... are you there? Denise ... oh well, perhaps her car started working again. Next caller please?

Caller 5: Is Martin there?

Vic M: Martin ? Martin who?

Caller 5: Oh sorry ... I think I got the wrong number ... I was looking for my husband Martin and I'm ringing his friends ...

Vic M: Well I assure you he's not here. I'll move the microphone all round the studio ... you can't hear him because he is not here ... ... ... (voice of woman crying). Honestly ... he is not here ...

Caller 5: I think he is with another woman ... (crying) ... I have found articles of women's under-clothing in the car. He started wearing Cologne after-shave again and flossing his teeth and changes socks every day. Do you think he is having an affair? (Crying).

Vic M: Many men floss their teeth ... look ... I think you and Martin should have an honest talk.

Caller 5: You mean I should tell him that our three kids are not his?

Vic M: Ehm ... well ... I did not know that ... 

Caller 5: Actually ... I am phoning on behalf of a friend ...

Vic M: In that case you should ask your friend where Martin is ... Personally I think ... (She hangs up). Hello ... are you still there? I think she's gone ... Who do we have on line 2?

Caller 6: Hi this is Martin. I just heard your conversation with my wife. I can assure you those kids are mine. I know when and where they were conceived because my twin brother told me. (Line goes dead). 

Vic M: Well I never ...

Caller 7: You must have surely ... anyway ... nice show so far!

Vic M: Ehm ... I didn't realise the microphone was on. Who is this?

Caller 7: It is Albert Einstein; have you seen my brother Frank?

Vic M: Frank? No I haven't seen him. What do you want to talk about Albert?

Caller 7: I want to explain to your listeners my Theory of Relativity. The richer a man is the more relatives will attend his funeral.

Vic M: Thank you Albert. And on this note we end tonight's Talk-Show. This is Vic M on VSEM Radio saying goodbye and God bless.

Vic's Radio Show

 

Years ago I presented a radio program entitled

 

TIME FOR REFLECTIONS

 

Here's a short recording. 

 

There are times in life when we all have problems, or worries, on our minds. When things go wrong and we pray to God that He may listen to us and help us in our hour of need.

Often, after we have prayed, we feel that a burden has been taken off our shoulders; we feel all right again. And all is well!

But let's be honest with ourselves. Do we really always believe that God will listen to our prayers and that He will respond. Or is there a harbouring doubt in our mind that perhaps He is not listening. Or He will not respond. Or worse still ... maybe He does not exist at all. And maybe we are talking to a void. Praying to the dark. Talking to ourselves.

Let us for a moment assume that God does exist. Let us assume that He is an Almighty Creator God who loves us and cares for us.

How do you think He feels about our attitude? About our weak faith and trust in Him?

When we pray for something and then doubt whether He will respond or not? Whether He is actually listening or not? And when we take back the problem to ourselves, and try to sort it out ourselves, having prayed and handed it over to Him?

How do you think He feels about that? What does He think about our faith and our lack of trust?

Now there are those of course who do not believe in God at all. Well for them, life is easy isn't it? Because when things go wrong they don't pray to anybody, because they do not believe there is anybody to pray to. So they take the rough with the smooth and everything is OK!

Or is it ... I wonder. Do they also, in their darkest hour, go around searching for a God they don't believe in?

But ... we Christians believe in God. We believe that He loves us and that He cares for us. So let us at least give Him the courtesy to trust Him fully when we hand over a problem or a worry to Him.

Let us trust Him enough to do what is best for us and thank Him in advance for whatever decision and action He takes on our behalf.

And your question is ...

 

Following on from yesterday's post .... .... ..... ...... 

Now you ask the questions and let's see if our presenter can answer them: ... .... I'm listening!

Radio Talk-In Show

 

Radio Presenter: Hello and welcome to Talk-In Radio your favourite program. We have on line one Bernard from Bournemouth ... you're on the air ...

Bernard: It's about all those wind turbines all over the place. They don't go round fast. How much electricity is being wasted making them go round slowly and they make no air whatsoever in hot days like today.

Presenter: That's right Bernard. They're a complete waste. I get more air here in the studio from a small electric fan. Battery operated too. We have Cheryl from Chesterfield.

Cheryl: I agree with Bernard. Those turbines are also dangerous to birds who bump into them and die. Why can't they make them in colour like red, and pink and violet so they could be seen?

Presenter: What a brilliant idea Cheryl. And at night they could have lights on them so bats and owls can see them. Brilliant. We have Donald from Doncaster.

Donald: It's about driver-less cars. What is the point of having cars with no one in them? If there's going to be someone in them he might as well drive the thing.

Presenter: Good point well made, Donald. The only reason to make a car is to have someone in it. I don't see the point of cars driving around with no one in them. We have Evelyn on the line from Exeter.

Evelyn: Why is it when I used tomato ketchup there's always a bit stuck at the end which will not come out? What's that about?

Presenter: Yes, that annoys me too. I think we should get a refund from the manufacturer. After all, we pay for a full bottle of ketchup and there's a couple of ounces at the end that never comes out. Fred from Farnborough is on the line ...

Fred: Is Sue there?

Presenter: Sue who?

Fred: Not Sue Who ... Sue Dennis ... Is she there?  

Presenter: There's no one here of that name.

Fred: Are you sure?

Presenter: Sure I'm sure ... look ... I'll turn the microphone all the way round ... 360 degrees ... you can see there's no Sue Dennis here. Maybe you got the wrong number.

Fred: No I haven't. Sue does not have a phone ... she left me. She says she doesn't love me any more.

Presenter: I can't see why, Fred. You seem a sensible young man. Intelligent and all. Ringing a radio station and expecting your girl-friend to be there. That's the first thing I would have done had my wife left me. But then, she works as a radio producer ... my wife. We have George from Grantham on the line.

George: Hello ... can you help me with my one word crossword? One across - first letter of the alphabet. One down the indefinite article.

Presenter: Sorry George. That's all the time we've got this week. See you next week on Talk-In Radio folks. Byeeeee ....

ADDENDUM AND P.S. 

As a result of what Martha and Mevely (Myra) said below in the comments box; why don't our readers ask their questions here and let the radio presenter respond.? Over to you folks!

 .

We are inviting articles for The Christian Lounge. 

 

If either you or a friend of yours wishes to contribute a short Christian article
please write to
enquiries@holyvisions.co.uk

 

Thanx 

On the Radio

 

Years ago I presented a Christian program on the radio entitled "Time for Reflections". Here's a short excerpt.

Mentioned in the program is Merlin Carothers' book "Prison to Praise". Here's a link. 

Pursuit of happiness and money

 

Victor On The Radio

Years ago I used to present Radio programs; one of which was on a Sunday afternoon entitled Time for Reflections. 

Here's a short clip from one of those programs which brings back fond memories to mind.  

Giving thanks to God

(Ten lepers cleaned - one says thanks)

Luke 17:11-19

Be a Radio DJ

 

OK folks ... I'll need your help with this.

When I was a radio presenter, many years ago, I had a pop music program where I played various records for about two or three hours. It was different kinds of music. Sometimes a mixture of Pop, Classics, Country and Western and so on. And sometimes a theme like all love songs, or all groups as opposed to singleton singers, and so on.

One program I presented once featured a name place of an American State, or town or city for every song I played. Songs like New York New York, by Frank Sinatra, or I left my heart in San Francisco by Tony Bennett.

And this is where you come in.

Can you name as many songs as you know featuring an American name place?

I'll start you off: I'm Alabama bound, From Boulder to Birmingham, Do you know the way to San Hose? 24 hours from Tulsa, Is this the way to Amarillo?

Over to you ... ... ...

Radio Interview

 

Presenter: Hello and welcome to the programme. Today we have with us on the radio an eminent professor of ancient history, theology, philosophy as well as ancient language and the interpretation of the Bible documents over the years and their many translations. We all know the story that gave rise to the parable of the Good Samaritan. An expert in the law asked Jesus, "who is my neighbour?" What would you answer professor? 

Prof: Well of course, neighbour does not just refer to someone living next door to us, or in the vicinity of our house. Anyone can be classified as our neighbour. It starts with immediate family. Our parents ... brothers ... sisters ... cousins as well as uncles and aunts ... grand-parents, as well as their own brothers and sisters ... what would you call them? Great uncles and great aunts I suppose. They are neighbours too, you know ...

Presenter: Yes ... I suspect you're right.

Prof: Then there's also your spouse if you happen to be married. That's a neighbour in the sense of this Bible story. And any children you might have. And the in-laws of course ... or outlaws if you happen to lock them out of the house at Christmas or Thanksgiving. The mother-in-law of course, father-in-law ... brothers and sisters in law ... and if they happen to have spouses and children they too are neighbours. 

Presenter: I understand ... to get back to the Bible story ...

Prof: Then there's of course friends ... they are neighbours too you know ... and work colleagues ... casual acquaintances ... people you meet in various walks of life ... in church, at the pub, in the supermarket or newsagent, or greengrocer, butcher, baker, candle-stick maker ... on the bus, the train, on the tram if your town or city happens to have a tram and you travel on it ... all these people are and could or should be classified as one's neighbours ...

Presenter: So what Jesus was saying is ...

Prof: And it doesn't stop there you know ... 

Presenter: I wish you would ...

Prof: Pardon? Yes quite ... as I was saying ... it doesn't stop there. Your dog is your neighbour too, and cat if you happen to have one ... gerbil ... hamster ... Guinea pig ... goldfish ... rabbit ... and other pets such as chicken or parrots or little birdies ... also all sorts of wild creatures like pigeons, robins, tits of every colour blue tits, black tits ... ehm red ... red robins ... also other wild creatures such as squirrels, and hedgehogs and all sorts of insects and butterflies and things ... all things really ... all things bright and beautiful ... all creatures great and small ... the Lord made them all and you should consider them your neighbours and love them all ...

Presenter: Thank you Professor for such a comprehensive answer ...

Prof: Oh and the environment that surrounds us, that's a neighbour ... the mountains, hills, countryside, the sea ... the planet ... stars ... comets ... other floating things out there ... the whole universe ... also trees too ... forgot to mention trees ... and plants ... the grass and the flowers ... all of them ... including those we might not like and want in our gardens ... like dandelions, thistles, daisies and such others ... the Lord made them too, you know? Perhaps to test our patience and tolerance levels ... who knows! He does I suppose ... He made wasps and cockroaches too ... we should love them and treat them as neighbours in the context of the parable of the Samaritan. I guess the Samaritan was lucky to find an injured man on the road rather than a cockroach. Can you imagine taking care of a cockroach and taking it to an inn to have a rest? There's enough cockroaches in hotels these days without the guests bringing their own.

Presenter: Thank you so much, Professor. Sadly time has caught up with us and this is the end of the program for another week ... ... ...

Prof: Dandelion tea ... that's good for you also, and other teas, and coffee ... hot chocolate drinks ... all chocolate really ... and ice-cream ... apple pie ... (Microphone fades off).

Radio Phone-In

 

Have you noticed how on radio or TV phone-in programs the presenter, or guest, or Agony Aunt, are always very polite to the callers, regardless of the stupidity of their questions.

RADIO ANNOUNCER: Hello everyone. We have on the program today Henrietta Hat, the Agony Aunt of a well-known magazine. She is here to answer your questions. And ... we have a caller on the line ... over to you caller ...

CALLER 1: Hello ... I'm a bit nervous ... this is my first time on your program ...

RADIO ANNOUNCER: Don't worry we're all friends here. What is your question? 

CALLER 1: Well ... some days I seem to be eating a lot. I have breakfast. Then go back to the fridge and have something else, like a piece of cheese. Then potato chips and this and that. It's like I can't stop myself. Why is that?

HENRIETTA HAT: It's either because you've got worms or you're a greedy so and so ...

RADIO ANNOUNCER: Easy ... easy ... Henrietta. That's not how we talk to our callers.

HENRIETTA HAT: Well someone's got to tell her the facts or else ...

RADIO ANNOUNCER: We now move on to another caller on line two. Hello caller. What is your question?

CALLER 2: Ehm ... I'm hesitant because my problem is like the previous caller. Sometimes I go to the fridge, open the door, look here and there and don't fancy anything, so I close the fridge and go away. I keep doing that, but never find something good to eat. 

HENRIETTA HAT: Good Heavens ... not another one ...

RADIO ANNOUNCER: Easy now Henrietta!

HENRIETTA HAT: Well, the solution is simple. Either fill the fridge with things that you like to eat; or better still, take the fridge door off. This way you won't need to open and close the fridge and loose the cool air inside. You know how to take the door off, don't you? Just unscrew the hinges, or get your husband to do it for you!

RADIO ANNOUNCER: That's not very politically correct, Henrietta. Telling her to get her husband to do it. I'm sure she's perfectly capable to ...  

HENRIETTA HAT: Oh phooeee ... there's too much political correctness these days. Look where it got us. If she can't make up her mind whether to eat or not she'd hardly have the brains to unscrew the hinges off the door ...

RADIO ANNOUNCER: What's you're problem Caller Number 3?

CALLER 3: I keep dreaming I am being chased by a mandrill.

HENRIETTA HAT: What's a mandrill?

CALLER 3: I don't know.

HENRIETTA HAT: How do you know it is a mandrill chasing you?

CALLER 3: Because he has a badge on his chest saying "Mandrill". He is chasing me and I run away. And he takes my electronic tablet on which I have stored all my books to read. And he breaks it and eats it.

HENRIETTA HAT: That's one weird dream, lady. Does it happen often?

CALLER 3: Yes ... every night for the past month. I told my husband about it.

HENRIETTA HAT: Does he look like a mandrill, perhaps? What did your husband say?

CALLER 3: What's a mandrill? He did not know what it was either.

HENRIETTA HAT: What happened next?

CALLER 3: My husband suggested I go to a psychiatrist. Which I did.

HENRIETTA HAT: That's a good move. What did the psychiatrist say?

CALLER 3: What's a mandrill?

HENRIETTA HAT: So we've established that neither you, nor your husband, nor I nor the psychiatrist know what a mandrill is. For all we know you might be being chased by a monkey. I 'll ask the Radio Announcer ...

RADIO ANNOUNCER: I have looked it up in the dictionary whilst you were talking.

HENRIETTA HAT: And?

RADIO ANNOUNCER: It's a French dictionary ... and someone has torn out the whole M section.

HENRIETTA HAT: Look caller, next time you have this dream just draw on a piece of paper who is chasing you and come back to this radio program next week. In the meantime, we'll try to find out what  a mandrill is. This may be very significant in interpreting your stupid dream. Goodbye! 

RADIO ANNOUNCER: Next caller please.

CALLER 4: Hi ... I sometimes wake up in the morning and feel very lethargic with low energy. What is that?

HENRIETTA HAT: Simple ... you are a lazy man who should be at work to feed your family ...

RADIO ANNOUNCER: You can't say that, Henrietta. You can't call our callers lazy.

HENRIETTA HAT: Why not? If it's the truth.

RADIO ANNOUNCER: And that's the end of the show ... doesn't time fly? See you all next week listeners when our guest will be someone really different ... I hope!

On the Radio

 

 

A short recording of my radio programme

(9 minutes)

 

On the Radio

 

 

Another short recording of my radio programs

(11 minutes)

 

On the radio

 

 

Another short recording of my time on the radio

(10 minutes long)

 

On the Radio

 

 

ANOTHER SHORT SEGMENT OF MY RADIO PROGRAMS

(11 MINUTES)

FEATURING

FATHER FRANCIS MAPLE 

 

Vic On the Radio

  

Here is another short recording of my time on the radio.

This one features Father Francis Maple 

as a guest of the program.

(12 minutes long).

Father Francis' website HERE

Vic on the radio

Another short recording from my time on the radio (6 minutes)

Time for Reflections

Another short recording (9 minutes) from my time on the radio.

Time For Reflections

Another short recording (13 minutes) from my days on the radio.

This one contains three songs with a message so relevant to society these days

Time For Reflections

A short radio tape with a message that may be of help to someone. Six minutes long.

Knee Problem

Something very strange happened to me recently. I have been to the doctor's and he sent me to hospital and I am sad to say it is not getting any better.

To get straight to the point; my knee is playing music. I guess some of you are smiling already thinking that this is one of my funny articles written to amuse you. But it isn't. This is serious.

Let me explain.

I was sitting by the fireplace a few days ago reading one of my books, (someone's got to read them), when the dog approached me, sat by my side and pricked his ears up. He turned his head to one side, then the other side. Whined once or twice and then barked loudly.

I jumped out of my chair.

"Stupid dog," I said, "you gave me a fright. Go to bed!"

"Who's Fred?" he replied, lying down next to me.

I ignored him. After a while he got up again and barked loudly at my knee.

"What's wrong with the dog?" asked a member of the family coming into the room.

"I don't know, he's being stupid as ever," I replied reading my book for the nth time.

"He seems to be listening to something. It's disturbing him. Have you got your cell phone in your pocket?"

"No!" I replied reading the same sentence once again.

"Hey ... there's a sound coming from near you. It's near your leg. Sounds like music!"

"What do you mean," I said, lifting my leg up to listen and falling off the chair. I am not as supple and flexible as I used to be, you know.

"There ... from your knee ... sounds like music!"

To cut a long story short, I went to the doctor. He put a stethoscope on my knee and listened. Then he asked, "have you ever had water on the knee?"

"I used to," I said, "but now I am careful and aim straight!"

He continued listening for a few more minutes.

"Well? What are you listening for?" I asked after a while.

"I am waiting to see if they'll play my favourite tune!" he said, "I like Country Music! Dolly Parton is my favourite."

I was sent to hospital and there, first a doctor, then a consultant, then a number of nurses listened to my knee.

It was embarrassing having all those nurses and doctors kneeling beside me and listening to my knee. They said it played Johnny Cash, and Don Williams, Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson, Tom T Hall and many other country singers.

They said it was very low volume and you had to be very close to hear it; but it was certainly there.

No one could suggest a cure. The doctors said it's only from one knee at the moment. I asked them what if the other knee plays tunes too. They said then I'd have stereo.

Sometimes when we're in bed we hear my knee singing, "These boots are made for walking!" followed by "Stand by your man" and "Knees Up Mother Brown"!!!