Tuesday 18 December 2018

Christmas Gifts

If we are honest, we would all admit that at one time or another we have re-cycled Christmas and other gifts given to us which we do not want. We take away the wrapping paper, put on a new one and give the gift to a relative or friend who would appreciate them more than us.

I know that I have done so in the past. The odd video DVD, or book which I do not want or like, or indeed the bottle of drink which I will not use. They have all found their way to someone else and saved me having to buy them presents.

I doubt though that anyone has ever had reason to sell unwanted presents. I never did ... until now.

I say until now because I have received two Christmas presents which quite honestly I cannot bring myself to re-cycle by giving them to anyone else. I know no one will appreciate them.

So the next best thing is to sell them.

And this is where you come in. Do you perchance wish to buy either of these items and how much would you be willing to pay?

The first item is ...
... an anchor.

It arrived a few days ago, delivered by two postmen who had great difficulty getting it out of the van and to our front door. It was already wrapped in Christmas paper and at first I thought it was a crossbow. But it seemed too big and very heavy to be such. So heavy that the postmen had to drag it along the road rather than lift it.

When we took the wrapping off we discovered, to our dismay, what it actually was. It's a Christmas gift from an eccentric uncle. The note read that he changed the anchor in his yacht and he wondered whether we would like this one as an ornament in our front garden. 

We live some million miles from any sea ... so an anchor as an ornament outside the house would be appropriate, don't you think?  

Do you want to buy it? Offers in the comments box please.

The second item I have for sale is also an un-wanted gift which arrived the day after the anchor was delivered.

It is ...
... a crane.

Yes ... a crane. I got out of the house Saturday morning and there it was. Fully erected and standing proud in our front garden.

Who ever put it there must have worked fast during the night to put it up together like a Mecano set. The neighbours said they saw three big lorries parked outside with a lot of iron bits and pieces and in about a couple of hours the people put up the crane in our garden. The neighbours thought we were perhaps building an apartment above our house; or maybe putting up a statue of myself.

With the crane was a note in an envelope from a lunatic aunt of ours, (not on my side of the family). The note said, "I saw this on the Internet and thought of you!"

What sort of demented person would see a picture of a crane on the Internet and think of buying it for me? What is the connection between a huge yellow crane and me? I don't even like the colour yellow.

I phoned her and ever so politely asked her if she lost her marbles. Whether perhaps she was a few sandwiches short of a picnic. Whether her little grey cells had perhaps committed suicide.

She said she saw the small photo on the Internet, (like the one above), and thought it was a toy. So she bought it for me. She had received the invoice for a ludicrous sum of money which she thought was too much for a toy and she took the matter up with her solicitor.

So, in case the suppliers don't take the crane back, do you want to buy it? You'll have to collect it yourself.

20 comments:

  1. I am so sorry Victor but I cannot use either the anchor nor the crane either. I, too, have a set just like yours. Not the crane and anchor...I am speaking about the relatives :)
    May I suggest that you hang the anchor from the crane and decorate it with bright and colorful Christmas lights...you will want to warn those low flying planes that the crane is there or you may have new worries from a law suit.
    Have a great day :)

    Blessings ⚓

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why do relatives act so eccentrically, Jan? Is it a British thing?

      Years ago, at work, I knew a colleague who was totally eccentric.

      Imagine ... an English business man, pin-striped suit, bowler hat, carrying an umbrella and a briefcase. Every day he would enter the train to work. Open the briefcase and pull out a blanket. He would sit on the train and totally cover himself with the blanket except for his head.

      He told us people tended to avoid him on the train.

      No wonder!!!

      God bless you, Jan.

      Delete
    2. Actually he was pretty clever...he got the whole seat for himself and didn't have to make idle chatter with anyone ;)

      Delete
    3. Yes Jan ... he told us so. He said people looked at him and moved away.

      Here's a trick we played on him one day. Do you know those circular pieces of paper you get in a hole-punch when you have made holes in paper? They collect in a container in the hole punch. Some hole punches cut square bits of paper.

      Well ... we emptied the container of these bits of paper in his umbrella standing in the corner. That evening, on the way to the train station it started to rain. He opened the umbrella above him and was showered with bits of confetti paper all over him.

      The next day he said nothing but sat at his desk growling. No one dared to look at him in case we laughed and he'd know who did it.

      God bless you, Jan.

      Delete
  2. Hahaha! You are the BEST way to start my day, Victor! Thank you :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What a kind thing to say, Chris. Thank you so much. You have made my day.

      God bless you always.

      Delete
  3. No takers here for either the anchor or the crane, Victor, but I'll always take the laughs you give me. That's a true gift that will never be re-purposed!
    Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am so happy when any of my readers smile at my writings, Martha. It is a great reward to me.

      This post came to mind the other day when I thought of useless gifts I have been given over the years.

      God bless you my friend.

      Delete
  4. If I lived closer, I might take you up on one or both of those gifts you don't want... but alas, delivery would be extremely expensive... sorry Victor! ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have bought large enough envelopes to put the items in, Terri. Let me know if you change your mind.

      God bless you. Keep smiling.

      Delete
  5. The gift of laughter is the best gift ever anyone can receive, Thank you Victor for providing that gift. As for the anchor and crane, first hook up the anchor to the crane. That creates a swing that you can sit and give words of wisdom to people who request some. You could also charge them a small fee for your services. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is a brilliant idea, Bill. I may well try that; when it stops raining.

      Laughter is one thing we can all share world wide. Although, sometimes it can be a bit parochial. Did you know that if I told a joke in London and people would laugh; they would not laugh at the same joke in New York? That's because they are too far away to hear it.

      God bless you, Bill.

      Delete
  6. Because I've enjoyed a years-long infatuation with the sea, I'd love to own that anchor. Then again, it would probably scare my little dogs to death. Enjoy them in good health, my friend! LOL.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The anchor is so heavy you'll have to buy the crane as well to transport it to your house. I'm surprised it did not sink the boat it came from.

      Keep smiling Mevely. God bless.

      Delete
  7. LOL!
    Well I have seen up-turned boats and canoes in gardens used for planters and they do look nice.
    I can also see an anchor - in the right garden, but alas not a crane!!!

    All the best Jan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If we lived near the sea then I'd agree an anchor in the front garden would look good. Also, if we lived near a building site, then a crane would also fit in well.

      God bless you Jan.

      Delete
  8. You may laugh but we could actually use a crane at times around here. : )
    But really don't want to buy one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't you want a crane as an ornament, Happyone? You could use it for hanging plants, or to have climbing plants grow on it.

      God bless you always.

      Delete
  9. Is the shipping free?
    LOL!
    Blessings, Victor!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ehm ... I haven't checked, Lulu. How much in stamps does it take to post a crane?

      God bless you my friend.

      Delete

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