Monday, 25 March 2019

At the Zoo


Why is it that people with children like to go to the zoo over and again? What's so fun about going to the zoo? They're such a waste of time and money.

I think zoos should only have five animals. The rest are a total unnecessary waste.

Children go to zoos to see the lion, the tiger, the elephant, the giraffe and of course the monkeys. The rest are not important.

Who really cares about going to the zoo and seeing a tortoise? Or a frog? Or snakes?

"Oh ... here is a snake. Let's stop and watch him not moving for at least ten minutes!" They are all not moving. They are most probably asleep or dead with boredom at being in a glass tank under such a hot light.

Would you go to the zoo to watch an earwig or a centipede?

Which reminds me. Did you know that if a centipede is attacked it detaches some of its legs and throws them at his attacker? That way the attacker stops to eat the leg and the centipede runs away and hides.

It's true, I tell you. I read it in a book called the Legless Centipede which I am currently writing. The book will contain 100 pages with perforations near the spine. That way, as the book is read the pages will tear off and you'll be left with just the cover. Clever, don't you think? There will be a version with edible paper so you can eat the pages as you tear them off the book."Feed the Mind AND the Stomach" is my new motto!

Back to the zoo ... of course, there is the interminable collection of animals who look very much the same but have different names. There's the reindeer, the white tailed deer, the elk, the moose, the fallow deer, the Siberian roe deer, the piebald deer, the Père David's deer and the I don't care what type of deer you are deer. You are all boring me to death!

And it's the same for other animals. The zebra for example is just a horse painted in black and white lines. What's so clever about that? The bison and the buffalo are just cows like any other cow or ox but with a fancy name to earn them a place in the zoo.

And don't tell me about the interminable collection of birds of every size, colour and shape? Do I really care about the difference between one hawk and another, or one owl and another, or one parrot and another? Do children really care?

We stood there for what seemed years watching some feathered creatures in various cages. I forgot, nor cared, what they were called; but I remember they ate fruit because on the ground and stuck to various branches in the cage were pieces of apples which the keepers put there.

The cages had various labels naming the different birds, where they originate from, and whether they were extinct or not. A misnomer if there ever was one. Extinct means they don't exist. Since these birds were here in the cage wasting my time and keeping me from a well-earned Guinness proves the fact that they are not extinct. YET!!!

Personally, the only birds I care for are the ones I find at my favourite Kentucky Fried restaurant. I wonder why they don't serve Kentucky Fried parrot, or hawk or owl? There's plenty of scope for diversifying in that restaurant. Like Kentucky Fried ostrich or rabbit. Although they would need bigger fryers for the elephants!

That asides, I noticed that on some of the apples were a few flies enjoying the nectar of the fruit. I called one of the zoo keepers and asked him which kind of flies these were. He looked puzzled and said "I don't know; they're just flies!" I complained that since all the birds had been named by their individual labels why are there not any labels on the cage explaining more about the flies and their life cycle?

Before we left this tedious collection of creatures I don't care much about, we just had to visit the souvenir shop. Every trip to the zoo must end with a visit to the souvenir shop. It's traditional and another opportunity to waste your hard-earned cash on a lot of things you really don't need. Of course the children love the stuffed toy animals. What's better than a stuffed toy lion? Or a giraffe perhaps?

I asked the shop attendant whether she had a stuffed toy fly. She looked at me with the same air of puzzlement as the bird keeper earlier on. I explained that I had seen a fly on an apple earlier on and I would like as a souvenir of my visit to the zoo to purchase a stuffed toy fly. She asked the manageress who assured me that there is not much demand for such toys and would a toy hippopotamus do instead?

Anyway, we eventually left the zoo, with the children so tired they slept in the car cuddling their toy animals and me counting how much money we had spent. This is probably the fifth time at least we have visited different zoos during the holidays, and they are all the same. Not much fun really!

20 comments:

  1. Did you ever stop to think that at the zoo the animals are not there to entertain we humans but that humans are there to entertain the animals.
    Next time you visit a zoo watch the people standing in front of the monkeys cage and see humans jumping around like animals. The monkeys love it!

    Blessings Victor 💮

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    Replies
    1. I think you are right, Jan. The animals are probably wandering what we are doing there.

      We have several open air zoos here. The animals are not in cages and are left to wander around freely in open spaces. We visit them by driving (very slowly) in convoys along a road within their enclosures and are warned to keep car windows shut and doors locked. The last time we were in the lions' enclosure I heard one lion say, "Ah ... meals on wheels has arrived!"

      God bless.

      Delete
    2. Good one Victor :D..."meals on wheels!!!"

      Delete
    3. We looked very tasty. It was very hot in the car with the windows shut. Roasted humans ... yum yum ...

      God bless.

      Delete
  2. I'm really glad I found your blog, I love the way you write, and what said about the centipede and that centipede book sure gave me a good laugh!

    God Bless!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello Lon,

      How nice it is to see you visiting me here. Thanx. Please call again real soon and often.

      If you like my crazy humour, why not click on the tab above entitled "Giggles and Fun"; or better still, download some of my FREE books from www.holyvisions.co.uk

      God bless you.

      Delete
  3. Hello, I have visited many zoos and most often I feel sorry for the animals stuck in the tiny cages. I am sure they would prefer to be free. Enjoy your day! Have a happy new week!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Eileen,

      I agree with you about animals stuck in cages. Over here in the UK our zoos are mostly open plan. They have very large enclosures (open fields) where the animals roam free. People can visit them either by driving in locked cars (like a safari) or through special bridges and platforms allowing you to enter the enclosure safely. In effect, it is the humans who are in cages and not the animals.

      God bless you.

      Delete
  4. I thought I was the only one who doesn't care much for zoos. Not unlike watching ditch water evaporate!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's all the walking, Mevely, from one large enclosure to the next. Takes ages. Some zoos over here are bigger than the whole land surface of the UK.

      God bless you.

      Delete
  5. The only zoo I would like to go to is the one in Australia owned by the Irwins. Open air enclosures and conservation. Important.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can also visit the zoos in the UK, Terri. Most of them are in fact large enclosures and conservation areas. It's like driving through a safari experience. See my other comments above.

      God bless you always.

      Delete
  6. I never enjoyed a zoo. It always made me think of a jail cell for animals. They should be free. A stuffed fly, you got me laughing there, Victor. :) Your humour is priceless!

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    Replies
    1. Indeed, Bill, animals should be free; as they mostly are in the open air zoos here in the UK. The only problem I find is that none of them sell stuffed toy flies. You can get any other stuffed toy animal except flies it seems.

      God bless you my friend.

      Delete
  7. I'm the odd one out here. I like vising zoos and seeing the animals, though I do feel sorry for some of them being caged.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree about the caged ones, Happyone. Although, I am also sorry they don't have stuffed toy flies.

      God bless you.

      Delete
  8. BUT great material for writing comes from your trips to the zoo!
    Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hahaha! I live on the wacky US west coast. I bet you could find a stuffed toy fly over here :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Great ... I'll visit your zoos next time we go for a day out.

      God bless you, Chris.

      Delete

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