Saturday, 23 March 2019

Rattus Goawayus


It was a wonderful early Spring afternoon. We went driving to the countryside. It was warm and semi-sunny and the family decided to go out for a walk. We parked the car and I must admit it was a beautiful afternoon to go for a walk in the countryside, all the way up the narrow lane, leading to the village about half a mile away renowned for its beautiful thatched cottages and small shops. It was like visiting back in time before modern society and materialism took over.

It was either that, or staying in the car and listening to a football game on the radio.

I did what any sane person would do. I stayed in the car and let the family go on their walk if they wanted to.

As I sat there in the driving seat listening to the radio, I noticed ahead of me, some two yards away, something moving amongst the bushes. I switched off the radio and concentrated. It happened again. It moved a few inches to the left, then ran into the bushes again. It was a rat. At first I thought it was some other country creature. A squirrel maybe. Or perhaps a mole or anything else that inhabits the countryside and is small and brownish. But it was a rat all right. It came our again. Ran left and right. But stood still for long enough for me to identify him as a rat. Perhaps it was foraging for food.

I panicked. I quickly shut all the car windows and made sure all the doors were locked.

I lowered myself down in the seat so he would not see me.

I read somewhere that rats can be dangerous if they attack you. I could not drive away of course because I was waiting for my family to return from their stupid country walk. They'd been gone for at least ten minutes; when will they return? Isn't ten minutes enough for stupid country walks?

I had to either frighten the rat away or attack him. I searched the car for something I could use as a weapon.

I found a bra.

Let us not debate what a bra was doing in the car. I could use it as a sling shot or catapult. If David had this bra in the Bible he could have killed two Goliaths simultaneously.

Problem is, I did not have any pebbles or stones in the car. I could use the bra to hit the rat with if he attacked I suppose. I kept it close to hand.

I had read somewhere that rats can travel hundreds of miles. Apparently they hang on the underside of cars and as you drive away you inadvertently take them to your home.

I raised myself a little in my seat to keep an eye on the ninja rodent in case he jumped and hid under our car.

Eventually the family returned from their stupid walk.

I hid the bra in the glove compartment and asked them to stamp their feet loudly before they entered the car quickly. I thought the noise would frighten the rat away.

They asked me why I asked them to stamp their feet. I told them it was a new game I'd invented. They thought it was stupid.

I drove away fast and every so often, when it was safe, I hit the brakes suddenly to dislodge any rats hanging on the underside of the vehicle. I looked in the rear view mirror to see if any rats fell off but there was nothing.

The family was not amused by my driving and thought I was a jerk. Little did they know I was saving them from a rat infestation.

We got home safely. When they were in the house, I bent right down on the ground searching for any rats hanging on to the underside of the car. There were none.

Maybe none managed to jump onto the car, or perhaps they fell when I hit the brakes.

What do you think?

28 comments:

  1. Hello, I am not a fan of rats. They are awful rodents. I hope it ran away. Wishing you a great day and weekend!

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    1. I agree, Eileen. I was afraid that rat would see me in the car and attack me.

      Have a splendid weekend. God bless.

      Delete
  2. Did you check under the hood of your car, too, Victor.
    Critters love to hide there also and hitch a ride to their new destination...your home.
    BTW...if your wife finds the bra in the glove compartment you can tell her the story of David and Goliath, too. I am sure that she will believe you :)

    Blessings Victor 🐀

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    Replies
    1. I checked everywhere for the rat, Jan. Even in the fridge. Rats are dangerous. They can jump on your bed when asleep and nibble your ears. People have been known to wake up in the morning with no ears. I read this in a book about rats which I am writing.

      I can assure you that the bra was not mine. I do not wear bras.

      God bless you Jan. (Why did you put a rat in your comment? Do you want to frighten me further?)

      Delete
    2. I can see him, just by my name. He is moving.

      Delete
  3. Eeeeek! Rats aside, I'd be more afraid of my spouse discovering the hastily-hidden bra in your glove box.

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    1. I don't know how it got there ... honest!

      God bless you, Mevely.

      Delete
  4. Yes, what was that bra doing in the car in the first place, hmm?
    Well at least you managed to dodge the pesky rat, Victor. At least for now . . .
    Blessings!

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    1. Why is everyone concentrating on the bra? The rat is the main danger here surely. Maybe someone mistook the bra for earmuffs to keep the ears warm in winter. It's the rat we should be focusing on.

      I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation for the bra.

      God bless you, Martha.

      Delete
  5. Oh my goodness!! Rats!! Unexplained bra... Victor!!

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    1. No ... you got it wrong, Terri. The bra did not belong to the rat. It was there in the car all along. The bra, that is ... not the rat.

      God bless you.

      Delete
  6. Did you know that rats can grow to the size of a cat. Now that is scary, be careful Victor.

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    1. For a moment there my friend I thought you said rats can grow to the size of a bra. I have bras on my mind. I had to read what you said twice.

      God bless you, Bill, my friend.

      Delete
  7. Rats are just plain nasty. May he rest in peace, somewhere.

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  8. I think you should have run the rat over with your car!!

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    1. It was in too deep in thick bushes, Happyone. It kept coming out and then in the bushes again.

      God bless.

      Delete
  9. I'm still waiting for an exploitation of the bra in your car. That is potentially more dangerous than any rodent.

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    1. Well, JoeH ... how can I explain it ... let's say it was a gift I was buying and keeping it a secret until a forthcoming Birthday ... Yes, I'll go along with that. In fact I believe it. Do you?

      God bless you.

      Delete
    2. Now you have me remembering Maxwell Smart, "Would you believe..."

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  10. Like Eileen, I'm not a fan of rats either. I do hope it ran far away.

    Wishing you a happy weekend.

    All the best Jan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I hope it ran away too.

      God bless you, Jan. Happy weekend.

      Delete
  11. Next year is the Chinese Year of the Rat. I wonder if a Chinese horoscope exists. You could actually be compatible with the rat, Victor.

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    1. I'll check that out. I have never liked rats. There are many of them at work amongst my colleagues.

      God bless you, Chris.

      Delete
  12. I'm not a fan of rats, but did you know they are quite intelligent? I bet the one you saw knew to stay away from you :-)

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    Replies
    1. Rats intelligent? When did a rat last get a Degree from any University? In any subject?

      God bless, Kathy.

      Delete

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