Phone rings ... I answer ...
Hello! Oh hi darling ... Arrived at the railway station already?
Yes ... the children are spending the night at the Thompson's ... Yes ... I know I was meant to pick you up from the railway station ... I'm sorry you've been waiting so long ... Look darling ... can you not come home on your own?
Well ... there's a bit of a problem over here ... There's a yellow jacket in the hallway ... just by the front door ... it's as huge as an elephant I tell you.
No ... I can't get past it ... It's flying all over the place and buzzing menacingly ... You know how scared I am of them ... especially since that day when there was one with me in the shower ... It tried to get me in the bits ... remember? Then as soon as you came in it beat a retreat.
I am not a wimp ... what if the yellow jacket had stung me in a delicate place?
That's not a nice thing to say ... No of course I'm not naked right now ... why would I be? But I was then in the shower.
Right now I'm in the bedroom ... I daren't get out in case it attacked me as I got in the hallway ...
I know it's getting dark ... and there are no taxis or buses at the railway station ... Can't you just walk home? I'm just too scared to get past the yellow jacket to come and get you ...
Of course you won't get attacked ... no one would dare ... no ... no ... I meant to say no one would attack you because ... because ... look dear ... you know how scared I am of these creatures ...
Yes I know it's getting dark ... just use the torch I got you for your birthday ...
No, I'm not being facetious ... I'll have you know I've been trapped in the bedroom for ages and I want to go to the bathroom and I dare not get out because of the yellow jacket. My legs are crossed over each other to hold it in ... I nearly used that vase your mom gave you for your birthday, then I thought you'd be angry ... probably more angry than if I failed to pick you up from the station ...
No, of course I did not use the vase ... yet. Yes I realise if you walk home you'll have to go through the park ... The chances of you being mugged or attacked are minimal ... In such cases when working out probabilities you have to account for all factors ...
It means that the fact that there's a threatening yellow jacket here is a certainty ... the fact that I am about to wet myself is a more certain probability ... but there's no certainty that someone is waiting to attack you in the park ... so the probability of me being stung or getting wet is much higher than you being attacked ...
I'm not a yellow bellied coward darling ... Of course I love you ... You know I do ... Don't cry ... No I can't run past it with my legs crossed as they are ...
I don't know how it came in ... probably through the open window ... We don't have any wasp spray ... if we did it would not be here in the bedroom would it? What would I want to spray in the bedroom?
I know wasps and flying insects don't get in the house when you're here ... they wouldn't dare ...
I didn't mean a thing by it ... it was just a joke ... darling ... I was joking ... don't hang up ... Darling!!!
You sure get yourself in some delicate situations Victor.
ReplyDeleteI do hope your poor wife made it home safely and locked you in the bathroom with a swarm of yellow jackets 🐝
God's Blessings Victor 💮
Yellow jackets can be more dangerous than muggers, Jan. I could not take that risk.
DeleteGod bless you.
Oh my, quite the dilemma here! Damned if you do and damned if you don't! Darn! Thank you for making me smile this early morning! Have a grand day!
ReplyDeleteWhy couldn't the yellow jacket go and pick my wife from the station?
DeleteGod bless, Cathy.
Hmm...and yikes!
ReplyDeleteYikes indeed Sandi. I could not risk being stung, could I?
DeleteGod bless.
So the question I have...Did you make it to the station?
ReplyDeleteNo of course not ... I am not stupid. I made it to the vase though!
DeleteGod bless, Ryan.
Oooh, the predicaments in which you find yourself! Darned if you do, darned if you don't!
ReplyDeleteIt was all a question of priorities, Mevely.
DeleteGod bless you always.
Sounds like me when confronted by a roach or a spider. And you do get into messes that leave a sting, Victor!
ReplyDeleteBlessings!
I don't mind spiders so much, and thankfully we don't have roaches in the UK; at least I've never seen them. But wasps, or yellow jackets ... I was once caught in a confined space (a greenhouse) with a nest of wasps.
DeleteGod bless, Martha.
A yellow jacket got in to a cheese package one time when we lived in Fairbanks and my wife got stung. I hate getting stung so I have to capture or kill them to feel safe. :)
ReplyDeleteHi Bill,
DeleteSo glad to see you visiting me here again. Hope you are well and the move went well.
As I mentioned to Martha (above) I once got caught in my greenhouse. I did not realise there was a hidden wasps nest in there. In my panic I could not slide the door open and pushed against it.
God bless.
Is your wife speaking to you yet?!!
ReplyDeleteWe have agreed for a while to talk via texts only. It takes a bit longer but there is written evidence of what each one said. Takes the sting out of careless talking.
DeleteGod bless Happyone.
No windows you could have climbed out of? :-)
ReplyDeleteA big drop down to the ground!
DeleteGod bless, Kathy.
Next time, throw a blanket over the yellow jacket, and by the time it works its way out from under the blanket, you can be in the loo, and then climb out of the window to get to the car so you can go get your wife. It's really simple when you think about it.
ReplyDeleteIt's simpler if she just walked home, Mimi. Only 1.5 miles.
DeleteGod bless.
A bee will sting if you startle them or mess with their hive. Yellow jackets sting for sport.
ReplyDeleteExactly. You understand me well, JoeH. Thanx.
DeleteGod bless you.