It's all happening now ...

Lots of happenings and events happening, or occurring, in my life. What's the difference between happening and occurring? Does anyone know?

Anyway, I never mentioned this before, but I have a soft spot for sick animals. I take pity on them. Over the years I must have spent a fortune on sick horses in particular. Mind you, I did not know at the time they were sick when I placed a bet on them at the races.

The other day I did something different. I sponsored a donkey at a local Farm Animals Sanctuary. This is a place near us where they collect old farm animals, mainly horses, donkeys, mules and sometimes old dogs, and they give them shelter and food. They are there to live a happy life after working on the farms all their lives.

I sponsored the donkey on-line. The donkey is called Asimov. There was also a horse called Einstein. Before retiring they both worked in some scientific establishment up North.

The idea is that you pay a certain amount a month and you get texts from the sponsored animals and gifts even. 

I got a text from Asimov which said "Hee Haw ... Hee Haw ... Hee Haw ..."

I texted back, "Is that you Einstein?" (I got the names mixed up).

I got a reply, "Neigh ... Neigh ...!" from the horse.

The donkey sent me a little gift. A half-eaten carrot. The horse sent me something more. A sack full of manure for the roses.

On another matter, I was discussing sports with some friends and I happened to mention that I am good at table tennis - ping pong, as they call it over here. One of them said that he played semi-professionally in a local league. It is a group of local teams, (six in a team), and they meet for tournaments. He suggested I join his team. 

Because they want to keep their tactics secret from the competition they practice late at night at weekends in this man's garage. They play in total darkness. They can hear where the ball is coming from and they hit it backwards and forwards across the table.

I did not see the ball. I got hit in the face and got a nose bleed. 

I also discovered that they also play poker. So that their wives don't find out they play at night underwater in this guy's swimming pool. 

The other day I went to the fishmongers. As I entered the shop a big black and white cat standing in the corner said, "Nice fresh mackerels just in this morning!"

I jumped out of my skin. If I were a cat I would have lost one of my nine lives.

This cat was at least six feet tall, standing there greeting customers by frightening them to death. What possessed the fishmonger to dress his son in that stupid costume?

He said it's because the parrot costume was at the cleaners.

"Great," I thought, "if there's something worse than a big talking cat is a big talking parrot!"  

It all seems to be happening where I live right now. I looked out the window yesterday and there was this man taking some ducks for a walk. I kid you not. He had a long dog's lead and at the end it divided into four little leads. At the end of each lead he had a duck held by some sort of harness. Not round the neck like a dog collar. But on the chest and under the wings somehow.

Anyway, the ducks did not seem to mind. They were walking in unison and quacking happily. 

I asked him why he was taking the ducks for a walk. He said it's because the geese did not want to go.

It seems he is an animal walker. You know, just like a dog walker who is paid to take your dog for a walk, (we have such people in the UK), he takes any animals for a walk. He said the most difficult to take for a walk are goldfish. 

It's not what you think. Don't let your imagination run away.

He places the fish tank on a platform on wheels, some sort of cart, and then he wheels it round town giving the fish a new scenery to view and enjoy. He said he got the idea from when he used to take his grand-mother out in a wheelchair. So he expanded his dog walking business to other animals. His worst experience involved a baby gorilla. It would not sit in the wheelchair and fought with him injuring him badly. The gorilla then wheeled him to the Accident and Emergency Room in hospital.

Oh ... I meant to tell you. You might want to try this in your own homes. We are re-decorating the spare bedroom. I have chosen a dark grey colour throughout with photos of The Scream by Edvard Munch. This will ensure that any guests we have do not stay too long.

And another thing ... a friend of mine has invented a new type of cloth. You know when you buy some clothing and after a wash it tends to shrink. Well, he has invented a new cloth that in fact increases in size after washing. Both in length and width, it gets twice its original size. 

He made a pair of trousers with this cloth. When he was out shopping it rained and the trousers expanded and he fell into them and nearly suffocated.

It's an interesting life, don't you think?